Author Topic: My Story More Good Wolf for a Good Life...  (Read 3084 times)

Online Thunder

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My Story Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #120 on: June 13, 2018, 02:21:13 PM »
Treasur,

We are a whole big LBS Army out here.  When one of us is hurt it hurts us all, and we spring into action.
We all feel your pain and disappointment and just want to smother you with love and warm hugs.

All I have to say about him is, he obviously married this pond scum in a pretty bad depression.  I'm sure he thought it would help bring him out of it, but he will soon find out the depression is still there.  That farce of a marriage will not take that away.  It's just a matter of time.

Looks like your instincts were right.  They were planning on marrying, that's why he was so bent on the D to be finalized.  You knew.

I'm sorry he did this so soon.  You'd think they'd wait at least until the body was cold, but nope, all they thought about was themselves.
So chalk it up to 2 very dysfunctional people, finding each other.

The man she married is not your former H, Treasur.  That man no longer exists.  Only in your memory. 
What you had was real.  She will never know the real H.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online 1trouble

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #121 on: June 13, 2018, 02:30:47 PM »
Treasur

So sorry to read your update I know this must be very hard and maybe hasn't sunk in yet ...but stay with me when I say that in some ways it is actually a blessing that the FAKE wedding has actually now happened and its the beginning of the end......another quick 'fix' rather than look within............and although maybe you don't care about that............let me just say that this is just another disaster in a long line in your H's life and not yours

months ago your H was saying he was going to seek help and now he is got married.......its clear he is looking for quick fixes and external answers this wont end well for him.
BusyBee says (and I think she is absolutely right....................there is a dark period around the 2.5/3 year mark where they dont face themselves cut themselves off and "commit" to their new life and this is the last part of replay and the beginning of the end, certainly this seems to be the way in my story and it seems yours

You know when my H sudden;y disappeared after 2 months of constant contact at the beginning of the year, I really thought he had married the OW and so I checked the nutjob's fakebook page only to find the 'wedding' was actually end of July (actually on my late dads birthday - which hurts more than  a bit)
.....I cant tell you how I wished they had done it months ago as the waiting for that time to pass is worse so in some sick way you have been spared that....(in actual fact knowing what I know now I wished I hadn't delayed the divorce or done anything because it would all be over and they would be living a day to day existence .....two dysfunctional people with only their dyfunction in common and a history of using each other, deceit and running away............I would be in a better place and they would be even more miserable, if not over!!

I do check the OW's fakebook page every now and again and it is utterly nausating how someone who has been married at least twice and is nearly 50 can keep posting about going to the gym to get a wedding bod  ::) (if she has been the gym then I am a monkey's uncle) ......about having her wedding dress altered (to let it out I suppose!!)........
her "maid of honour" is someone she works with and she has only been there just over a year (so it shows she has no friends)....I could go on......

this isnt the wedding day you had with your H ........it isnt the one I had with mine.............this is all just an utterly sick 'freak show'...........a ridiculous nutty OW and a depressed vacant MLC'er.............you know where this is all going, as do I.....but you have been spared the run up ...........its happened so the end started this week for them

 
BUT your future starts now and you have a wonderful blank canvas to paint a beautiful MLC free life on and make it an absolute corker

you have a lot of processing to do, its absolutely key you  keep posting and let it all out, all the injustice.....because it is totally unjust on all of us.............so cry, scream, talk, whatever but know you can hold your head up high like we all can.....

take care and know you WILL be ok....more than ok..I know you will ...x
« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 02:51:03 PM by 1trouble »
"I can't go back to yesterday I was a different person then"..............Alice in Wonderland

you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #122 on: June 13, 2018, 04:58:35 PM »
So much wisdom on all these posts Treasur. I just want to throw out some huge hugs to you my friend. Even though we know the intellectual truth of the matter, it still hurts our hearts. But really we mourn someone who died along time ago. Your description of the pos man your xh is now is spot on. And only a person of low self worth and delusion could ever find that attractive. For the moment, they are the perfect couple—mirroring each other with the worst possible characteristics and utterly lacking in self respect, dignity and moral fortitude. They are a sad and pathetic lot. Nothing good will come ofbit and I strongly believe the karma bus is st the station loading up as we speak. But I’m sorry you had to find out in such a way.

I hope you find resolution for your housing situation ASAP too. I know you will. You are one strong amazing person!
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Still Half full

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #123 on: June 13, 2018, 05:57:09 PM »
I'm so sorry, what everyone is saying is true, this is not the man you knew, it's a ridiculous relationship started in deceit, that's not what you had

It still hurts and it's another enormous blow, but you are strong, you understand that he's very damaged and lost to reality. You're firmly based in reality and dealing with everything, that takes incredible strength

Keep posting, the support we receive here is invaluable and your HS army are here for you

Thinking of you
At BD June 2015
Me - 49
MLCH - 50
No children, unfortunately
OW - yes
Together 26 years, married 23
BD - told him to leave, OW left her H, they ran away together
Nov 2015 - H left OW as he wanted to return, lived locally while we tried
April 2016 - told him it wasn't working
Aug 2016 - H seeing OW again while living with his parents 5 minutes from me
MLC H - not quite a vanishers, more a Hider, very little contact

Offline Anjae

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #124 on: June 13, 2018, 06:26:14 PM »
I'm so sorry, Treasur.

The others are right, that man is not the man that was your husband.

It does not make it any less hurtful, but it really is not the real him.

Take good care of yourself.

Big hugs.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online CallingHeart

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #125 on: June 13, 2018, 07:21:06 PM »
I was wondering why he had turned so d!ck-snot-bonkers on you!!!  So, now the reason is made clear. I believe a spouse has to completely "turn" on their LBS (like a rabid dog) in order for them to begin a shiny new farriage (fake marriage). I experienced it when my mother BD my father and remarried quickly. She really turned on him. He was shattered.

You are dealing with so much, emotionally, right now. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise to have a delay with the chapel home. FWIW, you can come stay with me in Texas rather than be homeless, so please redirect the energy you're using in thinking you'll be on the streets.

I can't help but wonder who would send you the anonymous note.  I guess that's neither here nor there. But ... That is weird.   I agree with 1T that this is a beginning to the end of his farriage. It absolutely won't last as she clearly is a deranged thief, liar, and home wrecker. The wheels on the karma bus go round, round, round.... 

I hope you're doing ok, I'm sure this is another BD  :'(
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
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Offline xyzcf

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #126 on: June 13, 2018, 07:37:46 PM »
The things that they do are mean and heartless.

they are so superficial, unable to even give us the tiniest bit of respect for what once was.

Sure it would be painful perhaps to have a real conversation with us, but it would help us perhaps to separate ourselves from them.

I don't know.

I just know that it continues to hurt way long after it should...I am very very sorry treasur
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Online TreasurTopic starter

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #127 on: June 13, 2018, 10:18:57 PM »
Just checking in to let you all know I’m ok. I fell asleep quickly but suspect I had some angry dreams as I woke up feeling a bit emotionally wrung out LOL. Not sure what i’ll Do with myself today but nice things. Cold & rainy so not an allotment day.

I guess the why and the shoddiness of it all is infuriating to me. Not sure I agree that this isn’t the ‘real’ him actually. It is what he is now so real enough. I resent being treated so unfairly and I regret that my compound losses meant I couldn’t see the truth for a while. I suspect it’s pretty simple. My h decided that running away to a new life built on a new woman would fix his depression. No idea if he’s right or not. But what he didn’t do was treat me with the respect and grace I deserved. Partly because he only cared about himself, mostly I suspect because he is a coward who didn’t want the pain or effort involved in behaving decently. I suspect too that he ‘loved’ up to be what he thought I expected and affaires down to for the new life he wanted. Maybe that’s why i’ve not been very obsessed about the ow because she is so obviously not me and no prize.

There is such a lot of wisdom in your kind posts. Thank you. No, this sad fat weak angry creature is not the h I loved and enjoyed. And not a man I would enjoy or respect now. I’m ok flying solo, always have been, although I miss my family as it was. I’m grateful that he took most of his dysfunction far away. My struggle will probably be the process of being able to appreciate my long chapter with him knowing what he turned into, but i’ll Assume that time will do it’s work. I genuinely no longer care much what happens to him although I suppose naturally enough I don’t think he deserves a good life built on the pain he caused everyone who truly cared about him. But who knows what will happen to him. Rationally, his odds are poor and he is still under psychiatric care but as others have seen here, maybe this is his new happy and it will work out fine for the new him. The previous version would be horrified so if it osn’t the real him I guess he has some dark days coming. But he’s a stranger now and not mine to care about.

I was musing on hindsight and regret. Am I sorry I married him? I’m not sure. I should be given the end of the story and I obviously loved differently than he did. But there were years of deep joy and delight. And even knowing what I know now - even acknowledging the flaws in his character that I always knew, his passivity and lack of courage, I truly don’t believe I could have foreseen this. No one who knew him saw this coming.

So a gentle day of me-ness and maybe a small sense of relief too that as my h is now not only not my h but someone elses’s h, I am released from the residue of my old last bits of love too. He was a good friend and human being who truly brought a lot of joy - which is why so many of us didn’t want to give up on him - but now all of us have done including me. Tomorrow I am looking at new homes still by the sea and working in the morning, so all will be well.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #128 on: June 13, 2018, 10:42:11 PM »
So sad for the latest news of your H Treasur, I know he will never be happy unless he comes to the end of his crisis and makes amends for the things he's done, but unfortunately the damage is great and we have to live with pain as much as they do.

It does give you some freedom and unlike the MLCer, most LBS build their lives slowly and carefully with having done so much work on ourselves, we truly are better people.

Your future will be bright and in a few years you may even post an update telling us how glad you are your H is gone as you are so much happier with your new life. 

I hope the next few weeks are very kind to you Treasur, you deserve nothing less than happiness.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: More Good Wolf for a Good Life...
« Reply #129 on: June 14, 2018, 12:13:31 AM »
Quote from: Treasur
My h decided that running away to a new life built on a new woman would fix his depression. No idea if he’s right or not.

No idea? I disagree... You very well know that this is NOT going to "fix" his depression.... This just sets the timer/lights the fuse  on the time bomb of self-implosion....

Treasur, the veteran that PM'd you had it 100% right... Think about it.....  If it really had something to do with you, would WatchGate EVER have happened? Would the Bug in the Edgar Suit have gone off and gotten hitched to Bat-Snot-Bonkers if it was about YOU? I mean, seriously, if it was about YOU, he would have gone off and found himself a decent, kind, caring, and loving person who treated him with compassion and kindness and respect to be with after he healed...

Oh!  Wait!  HE ALREADY HAD THAT AND TOSSED IT OVER THE BLOODY CLIFF!!!!! WHO, in Gods Green Earth, in their right mind, does THAT kind of cray-cray stuff?

And we won't even go into what HER mental state must be.... All I can think of is that OW must be able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose or something so that xH "feels" some sort of "attachment" to that...

I can just see the conversation that is being held by xH's former friends/family



And to HER family?



And who sends an "anonymous" note about stuff like that anyway?

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Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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