Hi everyone ! It’s been few of years since I’ve last posted. I thought I’d pop in, share an update and just see how everyone is.
My bomb drop was November 2009. I like many struggled to understand and detach - certainly did more things incorrectly than I should have. Did I hurt us or delay his movement most likely although who really knows.
My problem is I’m a fixer and silly me believed I could help. Lesson to all newbies….this is his/her crisis you can’t fix it for them!!
H filed for divorce last year. I had lots going on with work and asked to put it on hold. After all it had been over 7 years and three previous attempts to settle finances in which each time he left without completing it crying and saying he was nothing but a jerk to me. However, because “ he had to move on” the divorce had to be done now.
Btw I was shocked by the debt he had accumulated, he had always been very responsible with our finances !!! and D24 had been with me the entire time !!
Oh and something else I learned apparently I kicked him out and identified what he could have from our possessions. Hmm.. I reminded him that he in fact was the one who had moved out - into his brother’s, OW surfaced and he had said he was never returning. A year later I asked him if he wasn’t coming home to pick up his clothes etc. and I divided our belongings - (printed out a list to which he thanked me for being so fair and generous). I was tired of looking at all his things. No honey, I didn’t throw you out you left and rewrote that part …
He was only focused on himself and what was best for him in the settlement. It didn’t matter what I had contributed etc.- as he said he was getting the best deal he could for himself.
He is still with the OW - spends 5 hours most weekends commuting to her place to be with her and her kids.
D24 has not met OW and her kids.
exH continues to live with his brother’s family throughout - has not yet got his own apt. or house.
Remains distant from our D24 - exH cried at Christmas when she said she didn’t want to spend her birthday a few days later with him. Her comment was you don’t get to cry about this- you created this.
Apparently, continues to dress younger than his years
Has continued with his second job- financially he doesn’t require a second job so I can only guess he uses it as a distraction. His debt was certainly covered in the settlement.
Apparently, he has taken up cycling long distance races of 100K + and is on an extreme healthy eating regime
He doesn’t connect with me at all. I touch in periodically to see whether “he’s still cooking”
I have a wonderful relationship with ex MIL. I spend time with her weekly.
I recently touched in with exH to let him know the parent of our closest friend passed away. He responded with reference that had I not told him he’s sure he wouldn’t have been informed. He has lost touch with friends and a few months back told me he has no friends ??
Do I think he’s still in a MLC? I think I do, perhaps he’s even stuck. Maybe he will never reconnect with his D or his previous life. Maybe this is how he will be forever.
As for me, I’m busy working on things for me. I managed to buy the house in the settlement. I wanted D to still feel her home was still hers until she left to get married.
D24 and I get along well and she thanks me for always being there for her.
Unfortunately, I lost my job after 28 years last fall. They decided to redesign the leadership team and I was no longer required. I’m using this time to look at other career opportunities. I figure if I can go through MLC and divorce then I can certainly cope with losing my job.
BTW because H and I work at the same business I did give him warning of the announcement. He was and remains furious about it - can’t believe it happened. Protector all of a sudden blah blah blah…
I expect I’ll likely sell my home next year for something smaller and more affordable. ExH responded - that makes me uncomfortable that someone else will be in our home…

our home pretty sure I bought it from you.
I’m enjoying time working on crafts and hobbies, volunteering with an animal rescue and having fun with a couple of my girlfriends who have been the most amazing supporters through all of this.
I’m not dating or even interested in it. I’m content to be on my own - which has been my greatest development in all of this.
I still stand - perhaps that’s foolish on my behalf given how long it has been. However I still have feelings for my exH and believe that he may still come out of this a better man.
In the meantime I have to remain focused on me rather than him.
Which surprisingly I still have to remind myself to do even now after all the years. Yep I’m still a work in progress :-)
Hugs to all and I hope that my post provides information that is helpful to others.
Believer