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Author Topic: My Story Just checking !

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My Story Re: Just checking !
#100: November 26, 2019, 05:35:34 PM

Hi FaithWalker,

Thanks for checking in on me  All is going fine.

I feel I’m doing well, however I still think of exh far too much 🙄
Surprisingly, he hasn’t contacted me at all. I truly thought he would have made an attempt. So perhaps he really is on to his new life and I am simply a part of his past.

I’ve been very busy working two jobs which has been very tiring  and the wage is not ideal. As a result I’ve decided to slow down and use my retirement investments. It provides a better income than I have now. (Grateful for my pension.) I’m going to do some much needed upgrades to the house I bought a year ago. Some windows, doors, electrical and a new kitchen. I don’t have an oven and have been using a toaster oven for the past year!
I’m excited to have this work to do - I hope to do some of the demo myself. I hear it’s a great source for anger relief 😀
If anything I am surprised at the “anger” that surfaces at times. Sometimes as I drive I find myself pretending to give my exH a piece of my mind. It feels part of the process and I likely suppressed the anger far too long.
Overall though I’m moving forward and certainly taking better care of myself than I have. In fact today I went to the local YMCA for a tour and discussion
of their program. I’m going back next week on a guest pass ... now that may have me feeling my age for a bit LOL !

Hugs,
Believer


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Re: Just checking !
#101: December 03, 2019, 04:22:16 AM
Hi Believer! Nice to hear an update. Don't feel alone with giving your xH a piece of your mind, in your mind, I do it all the time.  ;D  Haven't spoken to, or seen my xH in close to 2 years, and I still say out loud, "I hate your f'n guts" multiple times a day. I think I will be sufficiently healed when that behavior stops.

Your renovation plans sound wonderful. I did a lot of work to my house this year. I found a zero percent credit card to help me finance it. It feels so good to know that things are in working order and updated. I also went without an oven for about 18 months. I microwaved everything.

Good luck with your fitness goals. I started back at the gym a couple of months ago. I had broken my wrist in the gym back in Feb. So much for the healthful benefits. LOL I finally felt ready to go back, but I am doing it slowly and cautiously.
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trying2bok

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Re: Just checking !
#102: December 03, 2019, 06:04:31 AM
Hi Learning,

Thanks for touching in !

Yes, I’m sure I’ll continue for a bit to “vent my anger “ on the drives in to town for a little longer  ;)

It’s interesting what we put up a microwave and toaster. Once my oven is in I’ll be baking to my hearts content, good thing for gym membership!

So glad your wrist is better and you are back at the gym !

Hugs, Believer
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Re: Just checking !
#103: December 06, 2019, 02:56:55 PM
Vent away Believer. What ever gets you thru the day. I hope that your home is filled with delicious smells and tasty treats once your oven in operation.

I am happy, but sore, being back at the gym. Hopefully, I will drop some weight and be faithful to the workouts. When it's cold and dark, it's hard to be motivated to go back out once home.
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trying2bok

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Re: Just checking !
#104: December 17, 2019, 07:52:33 AM
 I just thought I'd post an quick note. My exMIL sadly was admitted to hospital last evening, with suspected pneumonia possibly congestive heart failure. Unfortunately, ever year at this time she becomes ill with bronchitis and pneumonia and as she ages it intensifies. I'm optimistic they will get her settled and feeling comfortable soon.

Nonetheless I found this out from my D as my exH didn't text me but rather via her. I thanked her and let her know I'd follow up with her father as to the updates. Honestly, the poor fella isn't even able to text me.
Anyhow I got the required update and said I'd be right there and would spend some time over the next few days with Mom. He thanked me for the support. 

Once I arrived he was no where to be found, as he works at the hospital he disappeared to his office. I simply smiled because I found it so telling that after all this time he still avoids me. All the while my MIL is introducing to the doctors and nurses as her DIL  :-)

Later my ex BIL and SIL came in to visit, this is the same brother where exH continues to live. (Remember exH got married this past summer and goes to his wife 2.5 hrs away on the weekends) As Mom went for some tests we were chatting and naturally exH came up in conversation. I asked how exH was doing - they both smiled and said well he's still living in the basement and not sure why a grown married man would do that. They both felt that he is still clearly messed up, we spoke about a text he'd sent to me just before getting married and they both shook their heads - and asked when is he ever going to pull his head out of the sand and see what he's doing. BIL mentioned that they never really got along and 10 years later he's still in my basement. He said they guy needs help and won't get it. They both said they won't kick him out because they feel he can't cope and they wouldn't be able to live with themselves if he did something to himself. They feel he does have to crash and burn though. They were glad that we are NC they said he doesn't deserve me as he can't see the precious gift I am. They said he is trying to keep hold of you but have this whole other life. As long as he can string you along he'll do it. I just smiled and said "you think?? that's exactly why were NC :-)

Just thought I'd share that this saga continues even after 10 years...anyhow I'm headed back to the hospital to spend some time with Mom.

Hugs Believer
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Re: Just checking !
#105: December 18, 2019, 03:51:59 PM
I'm pleased to share exMIL is doing much better and is expected to be discharged tomorrow. She has some time still before being back solidly on her feet nonetheless its all good. Exh texted me the update as I didn't go to the hospital to visit today.

I'd spend yesterday with her and she asked me to stay when the social worker came to talk. We spent an hour going through things. Her lack of coping and avoidant personality were front and centre. I honestly thought I was sitting with exH  ;)
I'm glad I was there because I was able to encourage her to speak about things that she had kept bottled up - now we can perhaps help her further once she's home.

Yesterday exH came up while I was there. My heart skipped a few beats, however I pulled myself together. He was polite and we got along quite well. I was pleased with how I did. At one point he commented that I looked good - in fact he followed up in a text that I looked the healthiest I have in years. :o  and thanked me for being there.

What did notice.... exH looks good although he's slightly heavier around the midline, his hairline is receded further, more facial wrinkles, a tiredness to his face, wore very trendy "youthful " clothes , oh and that darn new wedding ban he's sporting.   :(            He was nervous in my presence - almost like it was too much for him to absorb. I felt sad for him because I could truly see a "brokenness" in him, yet I don't think he feels his brokenness.
 
Today, I had some things to take care of for Christmas. Interestingly, I could feel floods of tears and sadness surface periodically throughout the day. Yes, its Christmas and I find it to be the most difficult time for me. However, clearly this was the result of seeing him yesterday. I miss him terribly. I let the tears fall, the anger surface, and the sadness just be. I know I've grown, become stronger and see things more clearly. It still deeply hurts my heart all these years later. I really wonder if he will ever crash and heal himself....I think more than anything I'd like for that to happen - for him to heal himself.

Hugs, Believer


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Re: Just checking !
#106: December 18, 2019, 04:38:20 PM
You are the epitome of grace. I´m on your timeline of this journey. May the holiday offer you moments of pure joy that extend like long reverberating notes. Hugs, FTT
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Re: Just checking !
#107: December 18, 2019, 06:13:40 PM
Thanks so much for your thoughtful words FTT!

It's truly incredible when you think of our timeline - lots of changes and growth for us...our exh's not so much it would appear.

Wishing you much joy as well over the holidays.

Hugs,
Believer

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Re: Just checking !
#108: December 24, 2019, 01:10:15 PM
A note of follow up.  As I mentioned I had seen exH recently when visiting exMIL in hospital. At the time he complimented me saying I looked the healthiest I had in years  ??? compliments were rare from him when we were married.
I had mentioned to exH that I would follow up on a resource the Dr. recommended and let him know what I learned.  I did and sent an email to exH with the information. In closing I indicated it was nice to see him, noticed he seemed quieter than normal however trusted he was doing well.  I didn’t expect a response.

However, today Christmas Eve day he responded to me thanking me for the information. He wrote about a couple other things related to his Mom, however it was this bit he shared that was unexpected
He spoke about silence being his trademark and that unfortunately it was to the detriment of many including himself. He acknowledged that I have proven time and again I’m capable of many things including taking care of myself. He also spoke that whatever happens to me in life will always matter to him because we were together so long and shared so much for it not to. He ended indicating he will always have a place in his heart for me but like many things he keeps it only for him to experience. He knew all to well the downside of doing that but it was his choice right now.

I have no expectations, however it seems he may have been reflecting on things. This after 10 yrs in, if nothing else I hope he is finding peace from his emotional pain.

Gee I wonder if his wife knows he sent me that message ...

Hugs and a very Merry Christmas to all of you,
Believer
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Re: Just checking !
#109: December 24, 2019, 05:09:04 PM
Believer -
I'm sorry that it was difficult for you to see him, and that this time of year is difficult for you (as it is for most or all of us).  After all, it IS family time.

It's interesting that he was reaching out to you.
He's still dealing with his demons - even this far out.

You truly have been dealing with this situation with grace, and it's so nice that you are still considered DIL gy your MIL.  She knows...

Hugs this holiday.
May it be ever bright for you.

Sea
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