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Author Topic: My Story Just checking !

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My Story Just checking !
#120: April 12, 2020, 03:55:42 PM

Just sharing

I have been been thinking about the past specifically areas where I could have done a better job in my marriage. I had my first back surgery early on in our marriage which certainly had an impact not only my life but also the quality of our life together. There were activities we were no longer able to share. I had to make a career change etc. I recognized where I could have done a better job at explaining how I felt because of the changes. I sent exH an email sharing my thoughts and offering an apology for my inability to better explain how I was feeling at times in our marriage. I sent it for me with no expectation he would respond. I have long accepted that he lacks the courage to have sensible conversations and is most comfortable with avoidance.
Well, imagine my surprise when he responded within 90 minutes. Long story short, he said it was not for me to apology because had he been a good husband I should never had to feel the need to apologize. He went on to share that the reason I didn’t better express myself was because he never made it safe for me to do that. He indicated he has realized on reflection how badly he treated me at times because of his selfishness and lack of maturity. He made comment that “ he’s sure his Maker will hold him accountable for it” and then closed with the most sincere apology I’ve ever heard from him ever in our entire life. The apology was all related to my back injury, nothing about any other issues such as discarding our marriage.
I waited a couple of days to respond, mainly out of shock. I responded with a simple thank you, acknowledged him for being vulnerable in his response, and encouraged him to continue to spend time with his “Maker”.
He went silent as I anticipated.

I graciously accepted his apology. However a part of me felt as though it would have been more meaningful had apologized to me independent of my email.  I think that would have shown genuine courage and accountability

What do I make of it all..
He’s remarried, still living in his brothers basement and driving home ( 5hrs round trip)  to his wife on the weekends. That in itself says a lot

... perhaps he has come out of the tunnel, and is at peace with his decision.
... perhaps he’s processing
... perhaps he’s learning to believe there is a God or Maker
... perhaps he is happily married and she is helping him grow emotionally
... perhaps he’s still smack dab in MLC

Regardless of where he is, my intent was to apology for something I could have done a better job with in our marriage. That was achieved for me.
...ten years later and still working through things 😜




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Just checking !
#121: April 12, 2020, 05:28:08 PM
Hi Believer-

I just finished reading through your journey and I wish I could be there to personally give you a great big hug.  So much of what you have written resonates with different moments in my journey. I admire how you kept pushing through no matter how painful.  Not saying it was easy, but you kept moving.  Now you came out the other side with an apologetic heart and he gave you a piece of your heart back by owning his truth.  This is how it should be in the end. Neither side is perfect, but what beauty that can come from each side taken full responsibility for their roles.

 I wish nothing but the best for your family going forward. I pray you to can start as great friends again and let a new journey begin even if it's based on that.  A new beginning with someone from your past to see what you two like now.  If something greater comes out of that, all the better.  Thanks for the update.  This truly made my day!  You stayed the course after lots of years!! God Bless!! GGG

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#122: April 12, 2020, 06:15:30 PM
Ggg4life,

Thank you for your kind words and prayer for my family. I’m so glad I brought something positive to your day ♥️
It’s the blessing part of this journey when we learn, grow and then share.

Hugs,
Believer
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#123: April 22, 2020, 10:21:28 PM
Wow, nice to get an apology like that!  Although I'm with you in wishing it could have come independent of your own.  Sounds like he's been doing some mirror work, maybe just a little?
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M-42
H-44
S-20 (mine)
D-18 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

 

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