[Believer]

Learning,

Oh gosh - isn’t that so true “it’s like anything you can’t have” !

I was thinking again today will I ever reach a point that he’ll not be on my mind so much. I didn’t really know. I would have thought that after all this time it would all start to fade, but it truly hasn’t.

Uggh, this may take a lifetime 

[LearningIamOk]

Believer, I remember speaking to a friend of my sister's about my BD shortly after it happened. She began telling me about how her xH cheated on her with the "scum-sucking-bottom-feeder". I was surprised by her name calling of the OW. She and her xH had been divorced for a long time and she was in a relationship for 11 years at that  point. I thought wow! I would never be that wound up after all that time and a new relationship to boot. Yet, here I am. I need to be less judgmental about people.

[Believer]

I’m right there with you Learning!

I try not to place judgement, however when it comes to OW I’m clearly a work in process.....

I’ve always wondered what type of woman intentionally participates in the breaking up of a marriage and family...yep judgement at work.

[sachat3]

I think, when it comes to Ow, we probably always will be judgemental due to how they operate. If our men were telling the Ow they were divorced. If they had no idea these men were married with kids blah blah blah. We wouldn’t feel so strongly negative about them. We would see them as being duped. I remember my friend had been seeing a guy for almost a year. He rented an apartment on the sly, had two phones, he was always available to her everything.it was only when he sent her a selfie and she clocked him wearing a wedding ring that she realised he was married and his wife was none the wiser. However these Ow aren’t sold the “single man dream” they KNOW about us. They know we have kids they know it all. That’s where judgement comes in I think

[Believer]

 
Sachat3,

You summed that up well! 

Gosh how heartbreaking for your friend to discover that about the guy she was dating. I hope she is happy and doing well in another relationship 

[sachat3]

Oddly enough, she is in contact with the wife. I think at the minute my friend is sworn off men.

But I think, any of us could “accidentally” be sucked in by a married man. I don’t think, if a man wanted an affair, I don’t think it would be hard to hide a wife. However, to KNOW a man is married and still be interested in someone says much more about the Ow than the man.

I suppose that’s what solidified my belief that this was midlife crisis. The way Ow reacts and acts is A typical. Normal decent people wouldn’t go near another woman’s man. I wouldn’t. Maybe if I was 16/17/18. But as a fully fledged adult. No way.

[Believer]

I can appreciate the swearing off men for the minute - I’d need to regroup after that 

Yes, I agree about it saying much more about an OW that she would become involved with a married man and the validation of all this being midlife.

Heck, on occasion I may text my best friend’s husband a funny comment about his fav hockey team etc. I always make sure my best friend knows I’m doing it - it comes down to basic respect for another person.

The fact that the OW doesn’t care about the wife is disgusting enough but when it impacts children as well then that adds another layer to the OW’s inability for compassion. It’s plain ruthlessness.

In no way do I excuse my h’s behaviour and poor choices in all of this. I think though  I can see his brokenness and bizarre changes more clearly and perhaps that’s a factor when I look at the greater picture.

[sachat3]

I’m the exact same. I mean, when I confronted Ow about her relationship with H (wish I knew then what I know now like!) but she was so cock sure and confident of herself. She said something along the lines of “woman to woman why do you want a man who doesn’t want you. Let him go. I know you’ve got a family but give it up” I mean, if that didn’t give me a clue to the kind of woman I’m dealing with. Aside from the fact my youngest hadn’t long turned one and just undergone a MRI to detects brain tumour. (Thank the lord it didn’t!) I can see how that would affect my H. But I know, I wouldn’t bother with my H if I was her. It would be too much drama. Also, having a ex message you would make most normal people go “dya know what. See ya!” I know it would me. I don’t really feel anger towards my Ow. I just feel pity for her. It takes a severely desperate woman to stick around. I feel sorry for her.

[Believer]

Pity is a perfect description for the OW.

Oh gosh I can’t believe the OW had the nerve to make a comment like that ...actually I do now.
  Nothing human about a person like that.

I’m glad I’ve not met the OW, although I suspect it’s only a matter of time given their upcoming wedding. She’ll surface at some “ family” event.

More importantly though, I’m so glad that all had turned out well for your youngest child. What a scare to go through when everything else was happening.

[sachat3]

Well luckily it was a few months before BD. So wasn’t too bad. All at once would ha e been hell.

I’ve never physically met her. Funnily enough I get the feeling she’s intimidated by me