Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story Just checking !

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10493
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Just checking !
#70: June 05, 2019, 03:20:06 AM
The tattoo post is just shabby and cheap isn't it? Just eeewww... ::)
Unlike Believer's friends rather subtle elegant (and useful to deserving creatures) FU gift  :)
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1515
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#71: June 05, 2019, 04:55:24 AM
She was just desperate to make it known HES WITH ME and he clearly didn’t pose for a selfie so she had to take sly pictures. At the time he didn’t even IG as when he runs he takes himself of Social media ha. So he had no idea the pic had been posted 🤣 just screams weirdo. But it helped me detach
  • Logged
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2485
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#72: June 06, 2019, 08:45:01 PM
I love the wedding gift Believer!
  • Logged
M-42
H-44
S-20 (mine)
D-18 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 464
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#73: June 07, 2019, 03:31:00 AM
Hi FaithWalker,

Thanks for stopping by. I agree the gift is perfect on so many levels  :)
  • Logged

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 464
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#74: June 18, 2019, 07:12:31 AM
Hi everyone,

I don’t post a great deal. I really don’t have a lot to share that others haven’t already covered often better than I can say. This is an incredibly well informed and unfortunately “seasoned” group in the area of MLC.

As I’ve shared my exH is soon marrying. The emotions for me regarding this have been intense. In some ways it’s another  knife to the heart, yet at the same time there is a feeling of finality with it.  I can’t change him, help him or even emotionally reach him. He is a very different man than the man I married.
He has not wanted to grow and in fact holds tight to remaining closed to expressing any emotion or feelings.

He knows I love him, and in a way I would like to believe he loves me as well. However, that may simply be the optimist in me “hanging on to the belief this is MLC ” .

I read many of the threads and feel the emotion, fear and at times the excitement each of you feel. The wisdom, guidance, coaching and tough love are the meaningful gifts of support we provide to each other. How fortunate we are to have this forum. I honestly don’t know where I would have been without it. I know many of you fee the same.

MLC is a long journey. There is nothing that you can do to speed it or change it.  A part of your life has indeed disintegrated before your very eyes- and you didn’t see it coming.

As much as I’ve created a new life for myself and my daughter  it isn’t without heartbreak, anger, fear, and great loss of what I once had.
Is it truly what I want - no it isn’t not yet however it is mine to continue to enrich and nourish as best I can.

At times, I feel I need to step back for a bit from the forum  as I sense an “addiction” to coming here. Then other times when the tears flow I know its the only group that understands the pain Im feeling.  Does anyone else flex between these feelings?
 
I guess I’m feeling reflective as I plan what the next step will be for me once exH marries. I do know that I’m stepping back from contact with him - its that feeling of not wanting to be the EA in his new marriage. He’s already indicated that he has a hard time accepting that we won’t talk as we did once  he’s married. He said that doesn’t feel “real”. 
Yes, that is real - I’m no longer your wife.

Although I wasn’t given the same grace and respect in my marriage by his soon to be wife I won’t do the same in hers. I’ll leave her to destroy her own ..okay that was my evil thoughts spoken aloud ;-)

I don’t know if he’ll ever “crash”. He’s hidden himself away so tight, in fact years ago the marriage therapist shared with him- you have to let someone inside your head with you to help you. What you are doing is unhealthy for you and those you love. I’m extremely concerned for you.
His response… was to run ..further …and further.
ExH knows that I will be there should he ever need my support. I feel at this time it’s the most meaningful gift I can give him.
I just don’t know if he’ll want it.
  • Logged

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 8353
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#75: June 20, 2019, 02:59:07 PM
Quote
As much as I’ve created a new life for myself and my daughter  it isn’t without heartbreak, anger, fear, and great loss of what I once had.
Is it truly what I want - no it isn’t not yet however it is mine to continue to enrich and nourish as best I can.

Believer, I think this is a wonderful statement. You acknowledge that you are working on creating your best life. It hasn't happened yet, but you are still striving to achieve it. That takes guts and tenacity. You are amazing! Amazing!

It is my hope for you, that once your xH is remarried, that you realize how broken and not worthy of you he is. Yes, you might leave the door open, but he might never be invited in again. His loss.
  • Logged
trying2bok

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 464
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#76: June 20, 2019, 05:16:16 PM
Learning,

Thanks very much for your encouragement. I truly appreciate it.

I sense you may be correct about seeing just how broken and unworthy he is. He continues to lack the courage to look with himself, sadly very little will improve for him until then.

Hugs, Believer



  • Logged

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 8353
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#77: June 22, 2019, 06:35:59 AM
The marriage may even free you from fretting about where he is in his journey. He is most definitely not your problem anymore. The new M is just him looking for outside validation to fix the inside issues, and it's not going to work. He will be no happier on the inside than he is now.
  • Logged
trying2bok

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 464
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#78: June 22, 2019, 02:57:42 PM
Learning,

You just nailed it ! Thank you for spinning it that way for me.

Your perspective does indeed offer me freedom from his journey.
I‘m with you on this not being a solution to fixing himself. He has no idea how much deeper he’s digging his hole.
I only hope he protected himself financially going into this - particularly for our daughter’s sake. Although I won’t be surprised otherwise.

  • Logged

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3524
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just checking !
#79: June 22, 2019, 03:20:57 PM
Believer, I'm sorry to hear your H is marrying the OW. I just hope this does bring a sense of closure to you, or a push forward to let him go. I'm not at this point yet, but I know it might come. It's a shame that your H seems to value the contact with you and doesn't seem to want to lose it, yet he is compelled to destroy that last tie to you. If anything, it sounds like he's still in replay.

This place is truly a safe and comforting place for any of us to come to when we need to vent or need a virtual cuddle.
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.