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Author Topic: My Story Just checking !

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My Story Re: Just checking !
#80: June 22, 2019, 05:22:17 PM
Milly,

Thank you for your words. It does feel as though a sense of closure will occur.
I have done everything within my ability to be there for H and our M however to no avail. So this may very well be where our story ends.

The lack of contact will be interesting to see. In fact the other evening H sent a text asking if I would be at our daughters ball game. If so, he’d pick up some dinner for me because he figured I’m likely coming from work and haven’t eaten.  ::)
It was thoughtful, however he’s never asked before. I wasn't going to be at the game as I was working and wouldn’t be off in time. H proceeded to give me game updates, however stopped in the final inning and hasn’t been heard from since  ;) and I didn’t go looking either.

Yes, I’m grateful that we can come here share what’s on our minds.
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Re: Just checking !
#81: June 25, 2019, 06:00:45 PM
Believer, I am glad that you found some comfort in my words. It is all so incredibly sad and unbelievable how they function. I find it bizarre that you got all of that game info and then nothing. They can be so weird. Does he expect to be able to contact you once he remarries?
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trying2bok

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Re: Just checking !
#82: June 25, 2019, 06:55:34 PM
Learning,

I couldn't agree more about just how weird it all is.

Yes, he feels we’ll remain in contact once he remarries. I’ve shared with him that “we won’t be in contact as we are as he’ll be married to someone so it’s not appropriate. I’m happy to speak with you about things related to our daughter or MIL.” His response was - “that doesn’t seem real so I have a hard time accepting that”  ::)

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Re: Just checking !
#83: June 26, 2019, 01:33:09 AM
Learning,

I couldn't agree more about just how weird it all is.

Yes, he feels we’ll remain in contact once he remarries. I’ve shared with him that “we won’t be in contact as we are as he’ll be married to someone so it’s not appropriate. I’m happy to speak with you about things related to our daughter or MIL.” His response was - “that doesn’t seem real so I have a hard time accepting that”  ::)

Oh, it's gonna be real alright... Real ugly, real quiet, real lonely.... and a real boundary.... You are showing that you will respect his choice of marrying the OW and that your choice is then to cut off contact other than it relates to your D or MIL.  It's a shame that the OW never had that kind of integrity but, well, if she did, she wouldn't have been able to pick herself up such a winner, would she? Once he's done the deed, it will be up to you to enforce that boundary (read "ignore his communications attempts that are not about your D or MIL."  I'm thinking that he may try to ramp up communication just to see if he can.... You know, push that boundary ....

That mean old Mr. Reality is about to come in for a landing and he's a REAL buzz killer.... Because he's going to be stuck with the consequences of his actions (married to the OW) and that is a very hard and long slog.....

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Re: Just checking !
#84: June 26, 2019, 02:42:59 AM
UM,

You summed it up wonderfully! Yes, the boundary keeping now rests with me. I’ve reached a point over the past few weeks that I’m quite confident I’ll be fine setting this boundary. I’m very tired of it all.  :P

Hugs, Believer
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Re: Just checking !
#85: July 06, 2019, 12:13:38 PM
Good for you, Believer. UM summed it up perfectly. Your H is in for a surprise new relationship with you.
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Re: Just checking !
#86: July 06, 2019, 09:00:20 PM
Thanks Milly !

ExH got married yesterday.
I had felt an emotional shift in myself over the past week. That shift allowed me to get through the day without tears spilling. In fact I found myself somewhat at peace.

After work I visited with my two dear girlfriends who have been by my side since this started.
They and their husbands have been our friends for years.
We had a lovely time sitting around the bonfire, laughing, talking and simply enjoying our friendship.
We did reflect on exH, the damage he’s caused, and the loss of him in not only my and D’s life but theirs as well because they and their husbands have also lost his friendship.

In the end they shared ....he’s still deep in crisis, she is nothing, their marriage is built on lies, and we’ve lost a very dear friend. However, “ Believer “ you have grown so much, and travelled this path with such grace and integrity. H has lost much more than you have and she will always live in your shadow.....

Hugs, Believer

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Re: Just checking !
#87: July 07, 2019, 12:24:29 AM
It is a very odd experience isn't it? But I am so glad that you were surrounded by love and affirmation, Believer....and that you have loving friends supporting and encouraging you as you move out of the hurricane of your xh's crisis.

Anecdotally, just as MLC trumps divorce, remarriage doesn't seem to magically fix the broken pieces either. But it does allow you to keep detaching and moving forward in the way that suits you and your family best...and without the subtle obligation that many of us still feel when someone is our spouse as opposed to someone else's spouse bc not only is it no longer your job but the vacant position has been filled now.

And let's be honest...being a broken person's spouse is not a great job is it?  :) painful and odd as it felt to me, I suspect that it is less a happy turn of fate and rather more the karma bus in action for both my xh and ow...but definitely a line in the sand of the circus ring lol.
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« Last Edit: July 07, 2019, 12:31:53 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: Just checking !
#88: July 07, 2019, 04:05:12 AM
Treasur,

Your words are so true. It is indeed an odd experience, The brokenness as you say isn’t repaired, and yet I am moving forward with an increased detachment.

Yes, relief of the subtle obligation feels good, because honestly I was clearly failing miserably at it.
I’ll leave that role to his new wife to fulfill.

I feel the same as you in that it is “ less a happy turn of fate and more the Karma bus in action”.
I’ll leave them to their ride  ;)

Believer
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Re: Just checking !
#89: July 07, 2019, 04:28:05 AM
Good oh, Believer.
Tbh I know very little about him now or her or their relationship. By choice. But the little bits the universe has thrown at me show clearly that it isn't the kind of relationship I would like to have nor like the one I had with my h. It may suit them both very well of course...but it wouldn't be good enough for me or fit who I am. So I have lost nothing worth having and nothing more than I had already lost...while my xh has added another barrier if he ever recovers and needs to finish unfinished business plus the 'excitement' of marrying a not very nice vain and rather stupid woman (quite like his batsnot crazy mother lol) who stole from him and lied for a year to him and is evidently the text police. There are not enough smiling unicorn memes or pretty FB wedding pictures in the world to fix that lol.  :D
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« Last Edit: July 07, 2019, 04:29:33 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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