Author Topic: My Story Just checking !  (Read 3453 times)

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Just checking !
« Reply #90 on: July 07, 2019, 06:08:41 AM »
LOL Treasur I hear you!

The H I was married to was a very different man than he is today. He’s been lost for a very long time with no inclination of finding himself. So like you I haven’t lost anymore than I already had.

His new wife fits the man he is today better than I. I can only imagine them fighting over the mirror to admire themselves....
I’ll take fighting with our D to pick up her clothes over that anytime  ;D

I suspect once he retires in the next couple of years, moves to her city and they begin to actually live as a married couple the cracks may surface in their “perfect world”. However, who knows I may be all wrong just as he says  ;)

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #91 on: July 07, 2019, 07:14:26 AM »

The H I was married to was a very different man than he is today. He’s been lost for a very long time with no inclination of finding himself. So like you I haven’t lost anymore than I already had.


Welcome to the club, Believer!  Indeed, it's one more odd experience to add to the crisis. 

You sound like you handled the nuptials with grace.  How lovely that your married friends supported you.  I love the part where they told you that he's lost more than you have and that she'll always live in your shadow.   :)
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #92 on: July 07, 2019, 07:38:02 AM »
Thank you Stillbaffled!

Yes, absolutely another odd experience to add indeed !

I’m so grateful to have such wonderful friends as I do. That statement they made was such a realization for me. At times I was so stuck in the mud of the crisis I’d lost perspective...

Hugs, Believer





Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #93 on: July 10, 2019, 06:38:07 PM »
Believer, I am so happy that you were surrounded by love and support on the dreaded day. You have some spectacular friends. They see your worth and value. I hope their beautiful words to you encourage you to become even more amazing than you are. (((HUGS)))
trying2bok

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #94 on: July 11, 2019, 05:13:34 AM »
Hello,

Yes, you will find that your children and you will have a stronger and better life because of one word: integrity.

You and your daughter can look back and see how your actions were honest and kept your integrity whole.

Your ex is broken. He is not honest and no longer whole. He has lost his integrity. When he looks back on his life, and sees the path he took, will he feel pride or will he feel regret.

Many of us do things to write our life's resume. That is nice, but what we should focus on is writing our eulogy. That is the message that everyone carries after your gone. What is your H's eulogy going to be?

((((Hugs)))

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Online Disillusioned

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #95 on: July 11, 2019, 12:19:17 PM »
Hello,

Yes, you will find that your children and you will have a stronger and better life because of one word: integrity.

You and your daughter can look back and see how your actions were honest and kept your integrity whole.

Your ex is broken. He is not honest and no longer whole. He has lost his integrity. When he looks back on his life, and sees the path he took, will he feel pride or will he feel regret.

Many of us do things to write our life's resume. That is nice, but what we should focus on is writing our eulogy. That is the message that everyone carries after your gone. What is your H's eulogy going to be?

((((Hugs)))

Ready


WOW... 
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.

Online megogirl

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #96 on: July 11, 2019, 04:00:09 PM »
Many of us do things to write our life's resume. That is nice, but what we should focus on is writing our eulogy. That is the message that everyone carries after your gone. What is your H's eulogy going to be?

I second that WOW.  I LOVE this.

Writing that down now, and will show to my therapist tomorrow as something that I find very profound.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 04:27:07 PM by megogirl »

Offline stayed

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #97 on: July 11, 2019, 07:11:32 PM »


Many of us do things to write our life's resume. That is nice, but what we should focus on is writing our eulogy. That is the message that everyone carries after your gone. What is your H's eulogy going to be?


Mmmmmmmmmm, I'm more concerned about MY eulogy!  What will the people I love and care about remember and cherish about ME. 

hugs Stayed
Married 42yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

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Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #98 on: July 12, 2019, 02:06:38 AM »

Mmmmmmmmmm, I'm more concerned about MY eulogy!  What will the people I love and care about remember and cherish about ME. 

hugs Stayed

WORD! The Mid-Lifer's Eulogy is theirs to write and we no longer have anything to do with it (unless, of course, one reconciles).

But what about our own? That IS our responsibility.... And, from the time our Mid-Lifer goes off the rails, it is in OUR hand how we choose to write. We can be "the bitter victim," the "helpless martyr," the "kicked 'em to the curb and firetruck' em," the "compassionate observer," the "stoic survivor," or any myriad of things. It is up to us to choose and make it happen (or not choose and relinquish control).
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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