Author Topic: My Story Just checking !  (Read 3760 times)

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Just checking !
« Reply #20 on: March 14, 2019, 03:57:29 PM »
Ready,

I agree whole heartedly with you.
I do want my daughter to have a close relationship with her father. They were inseparable before this whole MLC started. He coached her softball team for years.
Thank you for reminding me to tell her I’m proud of her. I will because I am.
It’s important she know she’s safe to share her thoughts and feelings. I think you’re correct about her feeing conflicted.

Thanks for sharing your advice.



Online sachat3

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #21 on: March 15, 2019, 09:06:57 AM »
I’ve only just found this thread so I’m attaching now. But it’s so odd to see MLC lasting so long. I’m only a few months over a year since BD and it’s shocking to see. I doubt I’d be able to stand for that length of time.

I think your daughter will be thinking of your feelings and not wanting to hurt you which is why she won’t say anything.
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #22 on: March 15, 2019, 06:13:16 PM »
Hi Sachat3,

Thanks for popping in!
Yes, he’s been in his crisis for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder if he is an MLCer then he’ll do something that reminds he absolutely is. This man today is almost the complete opposite of the man I had been married to....and he really likes who he is now  ;)
He has always been a stubborn and proud man, who struggled with conflict avoidance and an inability to communicate his feelings. I suspect that this combined with me making every mistake possible as an LBS may be contributing to the length.
I don’t really know if he’ll ever come through the tunnel. I truly don’t.  I still stand because I loved the man I was married to. He wasn’t perfect however he was a much better version of the man today. I’ll always have hope that the best version of him is yet to come. So far that man hasn’t arrived yet so his OW can have him until then. ;D
I’m not sure how I’ll feel once he remarries. I do know that I’m not interested in another relationship either. I seem to be content on my own, which in itself is an amazing improvement for me. I’ll take those types of improvements anytime over what my MLCer considers his improvements are......

Hugs, Believer

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #23 on: March 16, 2019, 01:37:39 PM »
Following along. I can't add anything. I think Ready said it all. You're a good mom Believer. Your daughter's compassion for your feelings proves it.
trying2bok

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #24 on: March 16, 2019, 05:00:26 PM »
Learning,

Thanks for the kind words. It’s greatly appreciated !
How is your wrist doing? I suspect it’s brought your painting to a halt.

Believer

Online sachat3

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2019, 02:39:01 AM »
I feel the exact same. My friends always say things like “get back on the horse” and I’m just not ready. I do have men that would like to take me out, they seem like nice men. However, to me I feel it’s unfair to start dating them or whatever when realistically I’m waiting for H to come out or the tunnel. I don’t want to mess with people like that. Maybe I will feel different but right now it’s just me and my children. But then I’m only 27 and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone haha!

 I mean I’m no expert, my information on MLC comes from this forum and google searches but I don’t believe there is anything you can do to change his crisis. He’s where he is meant to be and as are you. I thought that about a few things with me and my H....oh maybe if I didn’t do X would he be further along!?! Maybe maybe not but I guess that’s why hindsight is so good. However, I do believe everything happens for a reason and we will keep repeating things until we learn the lesson that’s needed. So don’t stress too much :)
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #26 on: March 18, 2019, 05:25:16 AM »
Quote
I don’t want to mess with people like that. Maybe I will feel different but right now it’s just me and my children. But then I’m only 27 and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone haha!

Gosh, I never realized how young you are.  You are very wise for your age. I don't recommend the dating either if you are standing. It really complicates matters. In addition, you have three young girls. Not a good time to get involved with anybody.

Exception to that rule is the single Property Brother-if he shows any interest, go for it!

Sorry for the hijack Believer!

Quote
He has always been a stubborn and proud man, who struggled with conflict avoidance and an inability to communicate his feelings.

Yes, that sums up my ex as well. My ex is never wrong and she would rather go for om2/3/4/5 before she ever came back to me.

Quote
I’m not sure how I’ll feel once he remarries. I do know that I’m not interested in another relationship either. I seem to be content on my own, which in itself is an amazing improvement for me.

Be content with yourself. Don't force the action just enjoy your life in the moment. You are doing a fantastic job of getting a life. Your life.

I hope you have a marvelous day!

(((((Ready)))))
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline BelieverTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #27 on: March 18, 2019, 05:46:52 AM »
Ready,
No need to apologize for the hijack.
Good information is always valued and appreciated !!

Sachat,
I’m with you about playing with other people’s emotions. Great advice from ready about your young girls as well. Stability and love is the best gift we can give them at this time.

Have a wonderful day !


Online sachat3

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #28 on: March 18, 2019, 11:46:39 AM »
Ready - the MLC makes you wise haha! No I don’t feel like dating now. Maybe my stance might change and then things will or I might just meet someone that I feel I have to date. Either way now isn’t the time. Although, I did contemplate it as H had an old friend and they fell out a few years around BD. This said friend once I was single added me again on Facebook and begged me for a date. I did imagine many of times the look on his face haha! But I didn’t do it haha!

Believer - it does just feel very wrong to go on a date with someone purely for the sake of “dating” no no no not my thing at all. In my child free time I’d much rather catch up on sleep, Netflix or be out with my girlfriends.

That said, in my angrier moments half of me does think if we do reconcile I’d like to be like “Oh yeah btw you weren’t the only one who had someone else” haha!
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Just checking !
« Reply #29 on: March 18, 2019, 02:23:45 PM »
Believer, my painting is at a standstill as I can't hold the brush. 2 more weeks to go before the cast comes off. Thanks for asking. Are you painting currently?
trying2bok

 

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