Author Topic: My Story Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth  (Read 816 times)

Offline GonerinGhana

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My Story Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2018, 12:12:30 AM »
I was ready to throw in the towel at 18 months too. My H was simply not himself and a pain to live with.

Now at 25 months I am glad I didn't. He's not back entirely to his old self, but I definitely see signs that he is not gone at all, just covered by a layer of grime that he is starting to wipe off.

Each LBS has to do what they feel is right for them, but I disagree that your spouse is "dead."

Online 1phoenixTopic starter

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2018, 08:58:00 AM »
Mae,
I have always continued forward, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast.  IF my husband would want to return and was truly sorry and willing to work, of course I would accept him back.  There is no question about that, I am not sure that we could make it work, but yes I would try and give it all that I have.

GG, you have the pleasure or displeasure of having a spouse that lives in and lives out.  My experience is that of one who leaves.  Most likely if he were to pop in and out of my life, it would be different for me.

I am not lonely.  I am not unhappy. I am whole. I am enough. I am ready to face whatever comes. 

After living the greatest fears of my life this past year and a half and seeing that they did not destroy me.  They did not win. I conquered them. With a new appreciation of life and the refinding of me, I am flying. 

Actually getting ready to go and jump out of a perfectly good airplane for no other reason than it sounds like fun and being tethered to a strong man at the moment sounds good.  (Don't worry, I am going to wear Depends;))

Wishing everyone a fantastic weekend!
1p
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2018, 09:13:08 AM »
Can,. Here we sit huh?  Bitterness, heck no.  Regrets, no
  I can hold my head high knowing that I have searched my mind and body and know of nothing else I can do.  These last 18 months have been filled with Grace and elegance.  No real rants or true anger.  Pity, that is what has kept me from being bitter and angry.

yes, this 😊 I did it for just over 4, no regret

My husband has disappeared.  He has vanished and my love is not for this new person.  Then again, I too am a new person.  Looking forward to having a fun journey and peaceful times. Truthfully, looking forward to finding someone to share my life with.  Nothing serious, just a text here and there. A dinner every so often, a drink now and again.  Heck maybe even a movie.  Just someone who actually wants to be with me. 

this too 😊

We all used to have that.  We all know what we are missing.  The main question is have we learned the difference between needing someone in our lives and wanting someone in our lives?  My answer is yes, what is yours?

i am newly friends with a man, as you have describe above, told him I don’t need him...but I want him in my life at the moment...it’s a good feeling 😊


As always, love your words 1P
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

Offline Mae

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2018, 01:18:25 PM »
Have a fantastic day 1P.....sounds like so much fun, you are very brave to do the jump....not sure I could do it.

I hope I can find the compassion to replace the anger.

I hope I can fill the holes in my leaky heart.

You are flying....literally and figuratively.



Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative
Me - Letting go and moving forward

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2018, 10:59:09 AM »
How did the plane jump strapped to a hunk of meat work out?

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2018, 07:03:49 PM »
Attaching 1P.  You go dance in the rain. 

Keeping my fingers crossed that the D process isn't too painful.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Online 1phoenixTopic starter

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2018, 05:56:14 PM »
Jumping out of the plane has been placed on hold once I realized that if I splat h gets everything.  That would just be too easy for him!

Now being strapped to a hunk of meat Bride..that is a different story.  Still cautiously walking around that pool.

Faith, thanks. Not really sure that this will be any more pain than what I have walked through already. 

I keep thinking of the line from Ke$ha, 'there are some things that only God can forgive'.  So I leave h in the Hands of God. 

Hugs and prayers and smiles around to all of you in abundance.

1P
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline Tyks

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2018, 02:25:27 PM »
Quote
. They are stuck and do not know how to progress.  Pity them and your anger will fall away.

This!!!

You are sounding great, 1P!! You have learned a lot and I was happy to read your thread today.
Me 48
Him 48
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out
D15 D18
April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce
Divorce final February 12 2018

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8823.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9005.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9120.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9279.0

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9649.msg635725#msg635725

Online 1phoenixTopic starter

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Re: Baby steps, Hindsight, Forethought, Healing and Rebirth
« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2018, 04:41:45 PM »
Thanks Tyks.

What a whirl wind of a few days. Lawyers and Tantrums and Babies oh my!

Ok, I need some help on what to call h.  To this point I have refrained from any nickname, but think it may be time.   What shall we call someone who runs, runs, runs, hides, hides, hides, wants to go home and runs away all over again and will not talk things over/out with his wife?

Any suggestions?
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline FaithWalker

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« Last Edit: June 08, 2018, 06:56:16 PM by FaithWalker »
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

 

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