Author Topic: My Story The hills and valleys  (Read 3681 times)

Offline stillbaffledTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4066
  • Gender: Female
My Story The hills and valleys
« on: May 27, 2018, 10:55:59 AM »
If you're one of my groupies you'll remember that at the close of my last thread we were gearing up to have a fabulous pole barn party complete with a hot dog and lemonade stand! 

Dumbfounded wants to drive the combine that's still on my property. 

Nah wants everything that's still here to be listed on Craigslist.  I think she wants me to have funds to travel all over the world visiting forum friends.   ;)

I have a couple weeks of school left and then the text will be sent.  The text that tells Mr. Hider MLCer that he has XX amount of days to get his things removed from my property.  After said date they will become mine.  That pole barn is either going to be dismantled and removed trailer load by trailer load or it's going to remain here with me as a beacon of the strength that every LBS possesses.  In seven days the clock for MLCer will begin ticking....... 8)

I'm 2.5 years from BD.  Several people in RL had recommended a Divorce Care class to me that first year.  I looked into it because there had been folks here that had posted about attending the sessions.  For those of you that don't know about them it is a 13 week program where you meet once a week, usually in a church.  It is a scriptural based program with a DVD component, workbook and discussion group.  My church doesn't offer one but a church 25 miles from me does one every year.  I wasn't ready that first year.   I let the second year go by as well.  When the session was offered again this March I decided to enroll.  I have two weeks left. 

I am the only member in the class that is currently divorced.  Most of them are in the divorce process and a couple are separated and really seem to not have any idea what their spouse is going to do.  What I have found through the course, is additional confirmation that something just batcrap crazy happened to my husband.  I don't share much of my story there because I give my share of talking time to others who are in the gut wrenching and painful process of divorce.  Most of them have children still in school so are trying to co-parent with their STBX. 

But the interesting part is that with all they share most of them have what I would consider to be the typical divorce story.  The things I have shared have the facilitators and the rest of the class looking at me with looks of confusion and disbelief.  In fact, I think some of them might even think I'm there to just liven things up a bit with outlandish and unbelievable tales from an unknown land. 

After week three one of the female facilitators texted me and asked if she could buy me dinner one evening so she could hear my story.  She said I wasn't sharing enough in class and she just needed to hear more.  So, off we went to dinner and three hours later we left the restaurant with her shaking her head and saying, "Wow.  Just wow." 

Anyway, I don't know why I rambled on so about Divorce Care but if any newbies are reading this it might be something you are interested in looking into.  Last week's session was on forgiveness and very good but I already knew I wasn't there yet.   Hopefully I'll get there someday.  I have my good friend, time, to help me get there. 

I miss my old life.  It's gone and I can't get it back.   I continue to take a day at a time.  I try to be thankful for all that I have and I work hard to live life staying true to myself and my values. 

Most days I'm on the top of the hill, but I know I'll always have days where I'm in the valley. 

Thanks for continuing on with me.  Stay tuned for the continued saga of the pole barn.   ::)

Link to last thread:;all
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline CanLetGo

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 901
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2018, 03:25:26 PM »
Joining you of course Still. Thanks for sharing your divorce care story, good on you doing for doing it, anything that can help us on this terrible journey is a good thing 😊
Me 45
H 48
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19436
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2018, 05:00:41 PM »
Hi Still,

Following along, sweetheart.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline No expectations

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3287
  • Gender: Female
  • One day at a time. And time is my friend.
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2018, 05:01:11 PM »
Following along,  SB.  Popcorn ready!
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline BlueBird3

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 189
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2018, 06:33:47 PM »
Sorry I’m behind, but still check in every once in awhile.  I thought about divorce care, but think I’m well past that now.  We are actually starting mediation on Tuesday, we each had our intake last week....and as I was telling the mediators my story, they were flabbergasted to say the least...actually asked me....he left?  Then threw a tantrum when I started dating?  Mediator said....but he left...he has no say in what you do.  Then mediator asked me if he was having a midlife crisis!   This should be interesting. 

Offline Chookie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2694
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2018, 01:13:06 AM »
Following along, Still. 😊
BD 29 Nov '13
Left home 8 June '14
Does not live with OW

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2419
  • Gender: Male
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2018, 01:38:06 AM »
This could get interesting still... your sounding good...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6754
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2018, 03:22:06 AM »
Then I guess there will NOT be one of these parties....

Wonder if he'll react to the deadline... Any bets?
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Tyks

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1647
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2018, 03:27:21 AM »
Wouldn't miss the saga of the pole barn lol. Nevermind the meetup in Toronto, let's have the pole barn party lol
Me 48
Him 48
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out
D15 D18
April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce
Divorce final February 12 2018

Offline Acorn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1836
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2018, 04:41:10 AM »
Following along, SB!
Could you please reserve a seat for me on the combine?  It’s on my bucket list.
Will set up a hotdog and ice cream stand and all proceeds will go to you as a payment for the ride. 
Do we have a deal?
« Last Edit: May 28, 2018, 04:42:19 AM by Acorn »
Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home


SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk