Author Topic: My Story The hills and valleys  (Read 1298 times)

Offline FearNot

  • Subscriber, 6 Month
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 450
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2018, 12:35:15 PM »
SB! Congrats on your new thread!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3510
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2018, 02:08:41 PM »
Following along SB. I didn’t realize you were only 2.5 years from BD. Clearly your Mlcer is in honors MLC.

I’ve often thought about the divorce care classes. Thanks for your insights.

Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1200
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2018, 02:56:29 PM »
Following, Still! Thanks for sharing your experience with the divorce care classes. I've never heard of them, but it helps to hear it confirmed that our MLC situations are bizarre even to the experience D people. As sad as that is, it is comforting to know our Hs lost their heads. Thank goodness we can come here and be completely understood, right? I mean, I bet none of us would think anything weird about your exH's behaviour. Someone here might even have 'weirder' to offer, and we still wouldn't bat an eye. We'd just be sympathetic with that LBS.

I like your determination about the 'text.' Wish I could have a wine stand there for you.
Millyxxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Dumbfounded

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2013
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2018, 07:33:43 PM »
I think you rambled on about Divorce Care because it brings us comfort to understand that our H’s and W’s have really lost it - that what we are experiencing is not a regular divorce - that regular divorces exist and we don’t qualify.  And as Milly pointed out, thank goodness we are understood here.

I am nowhere near forgiveness either. I don’t even sweat it. No pressure... if I get there one day, great, if not .. oh well the Lord will have to deal with the sin I hold against them. I think it is better that I don’t have any desire for revenge. Wasted energy.

Sheesh... now I have to fight Acorn for the combine.  ;)
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline FaithWalker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1955
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2018, 07:09:10 PM »
Back from vacation SB.  You on Summer break now?
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Online stillbaffledTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3767
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2018, 08:35:03 PM »
Thanks, you guys, for sticking with me for "summer purge"!   It's good to have my peeps in my corner.  Yeah, sure, I have RL friends, but they don't get any of this MLC craziness.  They won't even know that "summer purge" is going on at my place this summer.  Mr. and Mrs. SB are old news and Mr. SB and the new wifey are the buzz these days. 

CanLetGo - glad you popped in.  You haven't updated your thread for a bit.  How are things going? 

Thunder - I simply need to drive the three hours to you one day this summer and have a mini-meet!  It's long overdue!  I'll bring pics of the pole building! 

Chookie - seems that there may be some movement in your corner of the world with your MLCer getting back to his drawing.  I'll be following along.

Whyus - your post on your thread made me bust right out laughing tonight.  Thanks for that!  Do keep dropping in over here in pole building land. 

UM - wouldn't be the same without you and your fabulous gifs!  Keep em' coming.  However, there will be no burning of the building.  If he leaves it I'm going to use it! 

Tyks - good to have you along, neighbor to the north.  Hope things are going well with your new friend. 

Acorn - it's always good to have another Canuck along for the journey.  Although I don't think there is any possibility I'll ever be in a position of re-connection like you're in I do follow your thread and continue to hope things keep moving in the right direction for you and your H. 

FearNot - thanks for joining.  Come July 1st, you and I might both be knee deep in MLCers! 

KIT - I have virtually no contact at all with my MLCer and yours tells you you're the love of his life one day and then blocks you on his phone the next!  Glad you're aboard.

Milly - I wish you were here with a wine stand as well!  But none for Acorn and DF if they're going to drive the combine!   ;D

DF - I was hoping you'd be bringing your bada$$ self on over.  Man, I sure wish you lived closer and could waltz right up to my MLCer and say, "Hey, I'm SB's bada$$ lawyer buddy and I just took your combine out for a spin.  It needs some work."  LOL

FW - hey, you're back from the cruise!  Thanks for dropping in.  Hope you had a great time and made lots of memories.  Did the newbies like it?  Did anybody get seasick?! 
Nope - still in school.  Last day is Thursday. 

Got a text from MLCer this morning at work.  Why, oh why, does he keep doing that when he never gets an answer back until later that evening or even into the next day?!?  Jeez, talk about out of touch.   He wanted to know if he could have my permission to come on the property this morning and get some of his "stuff". 

Dude - the gate is locked and I thought I was clear that I'm going to be home when you are removing stuff from the property.   So at 9:00 tonight I sent a text back telling him I'd be home all day on Friday. 

So drop back in here Saturday if you are curious to know if he summoned up enough courage to be on the same 10 acres as me! 

Summer Purge is about to commence.   
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5801
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2018, 06:03:08 AM »
Quote from: stillbaffled
Got a text from MLCer this morning at work.  Why, oh why, does he keep doing that when he never gets an answer back until later that evening or even into the next day?!?  Jeez, talk about out of touch.   He wanted to know if he could have my permission to come on the property this morning and get some of his "stuff".



Quote from: stillbaffled
Dude - the gate is locked and I thought I was clear that I'm going to be home when you are removing stuff from the property.   So at 9:00 tonight I sent a text back telling him I'd be home all day on Friday. 



Quote from: stillbaffled
So drop back in here Saturday if you are curious to know if he summoned up enough courage to be on the same 10 acres as me! 

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 17354
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2018, 06:41:44 AM »
Unreal, still...sigh.   ???
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 536
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2018, 07:32:59 AM »
Great thread SB!  I love the validation from the divorce group. I beat my head against a brick wall trying to make sense of cray cray. When all that does is make me crazy
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Collaborative Divorce in process (to protect myself)
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline Dumbfounded

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2013
  • Gender: Female
Re: The hills and valleys
« Reply #19 on: June 05, 2018, 09:06:52 AM »
Isn’t that the definition of crazy - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.