Author Topic: My Story  A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III  (Read 3216 times)

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14575
  • Gender: Female
My Story A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« on: June 01, 2018, 10:14:33 AM »
New thread. Carry on with the same subject/title.

There is still a new and different growing happening. It is not linear, at times, it seems to have set-backs. I think the "set-backs" mean either some things need more time to be processed or that neutral/nothing happening time is necessary.

We often get puzzled how the MLCer seems stuck, but, from personal experience, I am not so certain they get really stuck. More like they are still on the same cycle within Replay (or any other MLC phase). A push forward will come, most likely one we can barely, if at all see.

It all take a very long time. Too long in many cases.

But I do think it is rare for a MLCer to get really stuck/never come out of MLC or for a LBS not to keep growing and changing.




Previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9695.0
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19482
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2018, 10:20:32 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Anjae!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14575
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2018, 10:23:41 AM »
Thank you, Thunder.  :)

I agree with you so much.  There are not a lot of old timers here anymore (7 1/2 years for me) and I think it would not only be helpful to newbies but for us as well. 

I am glad you agree with me. It would bring another sort of views and experiences to HS.

I have questions sometimes but there aren't a lot of long term standers left to ask and the newbies, of course wouldn't know.  Their just finding their way.

No there aren't. And I don't even think it has to be standers. Just long term LBS. Some things require a long term LBS. And yet, there are more and more of us at 7, 9, 12 years since BD.

When HS started I don't think that was the case. Everyone was pretty much expecting their MLCer would be out of crisis soon. Even if, when I come here, Mr J had been in MLC for 4 years and a few months.

But reconnecting or reconciling isn't always smooth and without some problems.

It isn't. And we see it on the threads of those reconnecting or reconciled.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2018, 10:34:55 AM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Helpingme!

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1714
  • Gender: Male
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2018, 10:27:46 AM »
Following along Anjae.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19482
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2018, 10:34:46 AM »
Look at you for example, you were doing a lot of admin stuff on here (which I still miss you doing   ;D) and you posted on people's threads helping out where you could, yet you didn't really say a lot about your own life.

Now you do and it's nice.  I've learned things I didn't know about your sitch.   :)

I really don't post on mine much at all because basically nothing changes, it's pretty boring news from me.  ha ha
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline serenity

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3201
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2018, 10:58:44 AM »
Following along - as always

Hugs

X

Online Mitzpah

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5648
  • Gender: Female
  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2018, 11:12:44 AM »
Anjae,

We old timers have got to stick together, I guess ;)


We often get puzzled how the MLCer seems stuck, but, from personal experience, I am not so certain they get really stuck. More like they are still on the same cycle within Replay (or any other MLC phase). A push forward will come, most likely one we can barely, if at all see.



I agree with you here, it seems a bit like how records used to get stuck in the same groove, remember? very irritating :P then suddenly, they seem to jump over the 'stuck' part, the problem was replaying the record, it would get stuck again >:(  ::)



M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 23
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline The lighthouse

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3902
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #7 on: June 01, 2018, 02:20:12 PM »
Following along Anjae.

Another long timer here.  It will be 7 years at the end of this month.

I too would like to see more old timers posting.
M 1992
BD June 2011
Still with OW - No legal action

I am the lighthouse. I don't go out into the storm after the ship.  The ship finds me.

Offline AnjaeTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14575
  • Gender: Female
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2018, 06:15:17 PM »
Hello Helpingme!, Serenity, Mitzpah, and Lighthouse. Hi again, Thunder.  Welcome aboard. :-)

Look at you for example, you were doing a lot of admin stuff on here (which I still miss you doing   ;D) and you posted on people's threads helping out where you could, yet you didn't really say a lot about your own life.

Tech stuff.  ;) :)

I was looking after grandmother, there wasn't much to say. My life was pretty much that at the time.

There are a bunch of threads from when I was doing the Coursera neuroscience courses and the first ones (a bit of mess, like pretty much all our first threads).

Posting does not have to be about constant change, or major change. Or the change(s) may have nothing to do with our MLCer and his/her crisis. They be our changes, and they may be internal.

You're reconciled, it makes sense nothing changes. At least not the change that happens during Replay or even reconnection. At a point, I think reconciliation is life as usual. As it should be.

What I know is that the growing and changing I have been going through of late is quite interesting. At times, it is weird, it may even had its "bad" days. But the way I look at certain things is very different from BD, even from a couple years ago. And not just MLC related things.

I don't know if it is because of MLC or it would happen anyway, since even there is not MLC in the picture we change. Also because some of my changes are biological/physical/hormonar. Peri-menopause is a parallel universe. If it wasn't for HS and the advice and help of many, not sure I would be navigating it as well. Women in my family when from have a montly to not have one without bumps.

We old timers have got to stick together, I guess ;)

We do. Without stop provinding help and advice to newbies and those in the middle

I agree with you here, it seems a bit like how records used to get stuck in the same groove, remember?

I do.  :)   Yes, it would got stuck again if we replayed it. But with MLC, both for LBS an MLCer, a time will come and the stuck is gone. Or there may a new "stuck", but it will different and will lead to another point in the journey.


I too would like to see more old timers posting.

It would be great, wouldn't it? Having more old timers posting.

And yet, now there are several of us at 7 years or more since BD in this thread alone. Very different from HS early days.

But I do think we need more old timers stories and posts, regarless of their outcome/situation.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6900
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: A New And Different Growing - Where Will It Lead? III
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2018, 04:52:53 AM »
5+ years for me. Maybe we should start an old timers thread.  :)

Mine has been very quiet but even that’s a change. Any change is movement.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk