Author Topic: My Story No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs  (Read 299 times)

Offline DumbfoundedTopic starter

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My Story No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« on: June 13, 2018, 11:29:35 AM »
Time for yet another thread.

I don't know how many threads I have had here on HS. I have no idea how many threads and how many hours I have spent pouring out my heart to strangers on the internet about my broken heart and life when RL just didn't support or understand me. Now you are all people I can't imagine not having in my life.  I hope someday to be able to meet some of you in RL.

I actually had to count the months post BD because I just stopped keeping track at some point after the 2 year mark. I am at 27 months post BD.  LB is as lost as ever in the fog of MLC and I have no hope of his return.  I miss being a family. I miss being able to provide normalcy and stability to my kids by way of a nuclear family. I feel sad that everything is a drama for them - events and special occasions, vacations and holidays that just used to be about family time and being at home together is now about parenting time and being shuffled all over the place between people who can't get along.  It is just plain sad.

Anyway, when last we left off XBIL's GF had contacted me via messenger to see if I would take her 2 unwanted guinea pigs.  :o  I didn't respond.  I took in her unwanted rabbit last year. Since then I really haven't heard from her.  I now have the expense and mess of a rabbit. I wasn't invited to my nephews graduation or birthday. She hasn't checked on me.  She didn't speak a word to me a D's spring concert. In fact, she stormed passed me at one point looking mad at the world.  Do I look like an animal sanctuary? Do I look like I need more things to feed and keep up after?  I was ranting to BFF last night.... what kind of human being contacts someone only when they need to dump an unwanted animal? Do I have "please use me for your personal dumping ground" written on my forehead?  What is wrong with these people? Rude. 

Later last night I got a message from LB on the co-parenting app asking if I would take GF's Guinea Pigs for D. Really?  See above rant and include more ranting about how he has left me to deal with the house, finances, the animals and the kids all on my own and now wants to ADD to the things I have to take care of and pay for on a daily basis. You want D to have the Guinea Pigs - keep them at your house.  Did MIL come home to a pet infested house and now they are under pressure to unload? Well, that is not my circus, not my monkeys or.... um pigs. I am no longer your problem solver.

I had to snicker because when I took in GF's rabbit last year MIL called me and was furious that she would dump an animal on me when I was trying to take care of everything by myself. Well, not this year. I am no longer a dumping ground for their problems. Thanks MIL for the lesson.   

I haven't yet responded to either message. BFF says I should just ignore them rather than giving them my time and attention. I just can't seem to compose a business like response this time around.


       








http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10012.0;all
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online stillbaffled

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2018, 11:37:29 AM »

I haven't yet responded to either message. BFF says I should just ignore them rather than giving them my time and attention. I just can't seem to compose a business like response this time around.


At the end of your last thread I wrote that I hoped you had responded with a polite (or maybe not so polite) no. 

I've changed my mind.  I simply wouldn't respond to either one of them.  For me, I've found that saying nothing at all is my best option.  I'm always afraid that if I say anything I'll open the floodgates and then I'll really let loose! 

As always, still hangin' with you, DF. 

Meeting folks from this forum in person is high on my list of travel plans if I ever get to retire. 

After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Online RedStar

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2018, 11:40:25 AM »
Stillbaffled is right...give them nothing to push against. Good for you!

Offline Nevertoomuch85

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2018, 11:46:49 AM »
Best thread title ever! Made me belly laugh. Your BFF is right though. Don't respond. Definitely not your monkeys or uh, guinea pigs.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 11:48:01 AM by Nevertoomuch85 »

Offline Schratz66

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2018, 12:00:48 PM »
Unreal - just ignore the message
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2018, 12:20:24 PM »
Love your spunk DF. You are a survivor for sure. Always blows my mind the amount of nerve some of these people have.

I agree with Never—best title ever! Those little piggies should stay put in their pig-pen.  ::)
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Online Treasur

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2018, 12:24:41 PM »
Definitely best thread title EVER!
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline heroIam

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2018, 01:13:04 PM »
Following along DF.  :)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online Mae

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2018, 01:30:08 PM »
Laughed when I saw the thread, good job on that one DF AND with not responding.....no response IS the best response.

Hey maybe you are starting a thread title trend, I'm sure each of us can come up with a ridiculous statement from our own dealings with crazy or crazy's family with this tacked on - (WTF)
« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 01:35:19 PM by Mae »
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative
Me - Letting go and moving forward

Offline FearNot

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2018, 01:51:39 PM »
Attaching DF... I saw the title thread and had to check it out. Now I have to go back and catch up on what's happened pre-pig days!
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline CallingHeart

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2018, 02:00:55 PM »
I think you should absolutely respond so that you dont end up with your D bringing home a GP saying... "please?"
Also, here is an awesome opp for a truth 2x4

Response to SIL (not H) !!

Hi SIL
No thank you regarding the GP
I hope the animal finds a good home someday.


(there is a subliminal message there....)
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline Acorn

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2018, 05:50:20 PM »
Guinea pigs. Stranger than fiction.  Please tell me you made up the story, DF.  ;D
She might try to sweet talk your D into adopting GP’s.  If she is mean enough not to invite you for celebrations but was willing to dump pets on you before,  she can certainly try to persuade D to take the rodents.  Put your bada** hat on and stand guard against the invasion of the mighty rodents! 
Feb 2015: H has a Nuclear meltdown.  A tear-fest.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Still home

Offline handpuppets

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2018, 09:33:51 PM »
Guinea pigs. Oh, my Lord. You really cannot make this stuff up.

Attaching, DF. <3
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2018, 01:56:07 AM »
Awwwwww.....



<snort>
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2018, 10:58:41 AM »


We just can't make this stuff up, can we?
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline DumbfoundedTopic starter

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2018, 08:54:45 PM »
Although I have not responded, I have read and reread your posts this week.

UM and FW - those GIFs provided much needed humor this week.

Callingheart and Accorn - You would both be right to assume that my last post was not the end of the Guinea Pig story.

FearNot - I am afraid my back story is the same as everyone else.

Welcome back Mae, Hero, Treasur, KIT, S66, Never, Redstar and SB. I never responded to GF or LB.

So my Partner’s Mom died and all hell broke loose at the office this week. I had to add a funeral and a major shuffle of work responsibilities to the end of the school year madness. Needless to say, I was running on a short fuse every second of every day this past week. I came home after the funeral to mail that needed to be addressed immediately and was trying to deal with that in my I was hoping to get to yoga outfit when D strolled in to ask if she could have 2 Guinea Pigs.

Well, I lost my Guinea Pig cool and D got a big earful of why I was not a dumping ground for Guinea Pigs or rabbits or turtles and when I inquired into who exactly was trying to dump something that eats and poops on my doorstep D said MIL. Oh really? Has MIL offered to fund your new pets with a lifetime supply of bedding and food and vet care? No? Well, then please tell MIL that am  I am sorry she has come home from Myrtle Beach to a small animal farm in her home but I am in no position to assist her. To which D replied ok and left the room.

I then called my IC and made an emergency mental health appointment. I ranted at my poor IC about Guinea Pigs for 20 minutes and then I asked why, why can’t I type no thanks and be done? To which my IC looked at me with amazement and said there is all this other stuff going on and they are ganging up on you about Guinea Pigs? Yes. And then she said they are trying to make a reconnection with you without addressing all the hurt and the anger. That is not ok - of course you are upset. Please feel free to slam the door in their face. Oh thank goodness!! Door slammed - guilt free.

I took a long walk with D tonight and she talked to me about LB and his family a lot. Nothing I really didn’t know already but it was interesting to hear how she is processing the whole situation. In the end, D has come to all the same conclusions as me. It is a dysfunctional mess.

To my utter amusement, the kids have talked LB into taking them into NY tomorrow to see a show on Broadway.  So a kid free day for me. Thinking about a pedi and lunch with my Mom.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2018, 08:58:54 PM by Dumbfounded »
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2018, 09:10:35 PM »
I know you are not amused but I chuckled reading this. Why would they think you’d want guinea pigs? I so don’t understand how people think. MIL needs to deal with her own animal sanctuary and leave you out of it.

Enjoy the day with your mom.

Online stillbaffled

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #17 on: Today at 07:42:08 AM »

Thinking about a pedi and lunch with my Mom.


I hope you've already made the arrangements, DF!

And hey, big shout out to S's bball team - way to go!   By the time he hits the NCAA I'll be retired and can travel to attend games with you!   ;)

After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #18 on: Today at 08:10:32 AM »
By the way - my D would love those ghost walks. Always begging me to find some. Our kids sound so similar. Hope you are planning a nice day.

Online OffRoad

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #19 on: Today at 10:08:57 AM »
So guinea pigs....I can attest to the fact that they are far more effort and, imo, mess than a cat. At least a cat poops in one place. I got the plea from children an XH back when we were a famiky. We ended up with 5 at one point, in a three level three foot by six foot cage in the corner of the family room. The piggies had nicer digs than I did. The last one standing lived 10 years. And guess who had food and waterms and clean up duty when everyone else "forgot"?

My daughter wonders why I have no pets now. Maybe some day, but not now.

I liked Calling Hearts 2x4, btw. Very appropriate. And yes, DF, did your IC  explain that the word "No."  Is a full sentence, one you may use at anytime you choose and guilt free? (Fat free and calorie free, too, but that's just a bonus). I'm of the mind that when people ask you to do something you don't want to do, assertively saying, "No." Or "Not this time." Or "No, thank you." without an explanation is the best course. They can't give reasons why your explanation can be mitigated if you give no explanation. It is not your problem if someone else chose a pet they now decide they don't want. That's on them.

It is your right to say "No." 

When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: No I don't Want Any Guinea Pigs
« Reply #20 on: Today at 07:22:25 PM »
Know it isn’t funny...but I am amused, sorry...loved the 2 GIFs 😊

As always DF, upmost admiration for you, hope you got your nice day out with your mum 😊
Me 44
H 47
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014
OW 17 years younger

 

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