Author Topic: My Story Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!  (Read 4061 times)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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My Story Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #120 on: February 02, 2019, 07:16:58 AM »
 Since ML’er left I have always been living on my own.  Then he stopped paying Alimony I panicked a took the first roommate I could.  Bad bad decision on my part but then again it has bought me time to figure out my situation.  I am so looking forward to being on my own with no roommate.  I can’t wait!  My brother is going to help me move and I have a few other people willing to help as well so it should go well other than I now have to get started packing.  I am leaving my past at the door of my old apartment.  It’s a sign of a new beginning finally.

Thunder, yeah I wasn’t invested.  It was easy to say no problem!  He has the right to have things his way, he’ll just need to find that person willing to do that. LOL

Milly I believe so! LOL!  Flannel is the new us!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Milly

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #121 on: February 02, 2019, 04:29:51 PM »
Oh, UL, you are such a success story! They should make a movie about you!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #122 on: February 09, 2019, 05:57:25 PM »
Ok, first thing...I just found out that joint taxes MLC’er was supposed to pay and left me with did not get through the bankrupcy so they are still on my plate.  I am not going to worry about it.  I may have options so i work check them out first.

Now for the good now and yes read this with sarcasm.  I could be closer to getting some money from MLCer.  He is now mystery shopping to get groceries! Yep two doctorates and this is what live as come to for him.  I wonder where is rock bottom is?  He sure is fighting to stay in crisis.

I had to talk to him about the taxes.  That’s how I found out about the mystery shopping thing.  I did tell him I was moving and for whatever reason he seem really shock and uncomfortable about that.  He asked me to email him my new address and I said yeah, I don’t think that’s necessary.  When you do send me money you’ll be sending it through paypal as there is no fees with that.  He just went oh ok.  I really got the feeling it didn’t like that for some reason.

After hearing about the mystery shopping thing my heart sank but it also changed something in me.  He is just a lost soul and not anything I knew.  It’s almost like it’s a mental thing and I don’t know that he’ll ever live through this and be a better man in the end.  I did tell him at the end of the call that there was nothing in his choice that made his lives better, happier or healthier.  He said yeah.

He did play it well to try and get my new address.  I didn’t expect him to ask for it but I was quick to say... yeah, no that’s not happening. 
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #123 on: February 10, 2019, 08:05:43 AM »
Good for you, UL.  You were fast on your feet that time.   ;D

No need to have your address when he goes through PayPal. 

UL, I've said it before and still believe most do not come out of their crisis a better person.  Back to normal maybe but very few are "better."

That's just my opinion, and I know that goes against what RCR says, but I just don't often see that is the case.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #124 on: February 10, 2019, 01:58:06 PM »
Yeah, I can see that.  Normal would be nice I guess.  He was a loving, caring, gentle person.  But, I do see somethings that when he went into MLC he went wild on.  He is such a liar now and it’s kind of funny. He doesn’t lie well but all the time.  He lies just to lie and when that’s gone I’ll know he’s at least over the hump.  He didn’t make up the mystery shopping thing.  Or let me say someone is mystery shopping. She’s probably making him drive or she has him an account so they both can bring in money.  Either way life for him is sad.  He ended up being the worst of the worst with this MLC.  I remember coming on here thinking I wasn’t sure he was MLC and wasn’t sure where he fit.  As in my title and just after that it started going down hill.  He’s fried for sure.  Mix that with some possible strokes and I’m not sure he has a chance.  But, I’m moving on and leaving him behind.  The mystery shopping thing throw me.  I was like wow he is completely lost and probably never going to be mentally the same.  Maybe they are meant for each other.  He hasn’t grown through this or at least not yet.  She’s probably making all the decisions and leading him along.  I did most of that as well but I thought of both of us and loved him in a way I don’t think she will be able to as dysfunctional as she is.  I’m over placing blame on me.  He’s just lost and I now believe that this has nothing to do with me.  He can say it does but it’s not.  He’s lost it.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Milly

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #125 on: February 10, 2019, 02:13:47 PM »
I completely agree with you, UL.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #126 on: February 11, 2019, 08:26:00 AM »
UL,

THEIR crisis NEVER had ANYTHING to do with us... EVER.... It often takes time to get that through our thick, stubborn, bound-and-determined skulls but it is a fact...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #127 on: February 11, 2019, 03:47:39 PM »
Yeah I know it's not
  But you still play that out sometimes!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #128 on: February 11, 2019, 06:05:56 PM »
Sadly UL all you have to do is compare his life before his crisis to now.

They fall so short of the kind of person they were.
Tragically the medical community does not recognize this midlife crisis as real.
It ruins lives just as much as many mental illnesses do.

Maybe some day, huh?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #129 on: February 11, 2019, 06:41:27 PM »
Yeah, the one thing I don’t have is knowing what’s going on because I hear or see or know what his life is.  He moved to another state so there is never that feeling of running into him.  He just vanished.  But...I know he’s broke and when there is no money well there is no life.  She’s putting up with the no money thing.  So, maybe she does love him or...in some way because of the business she started needs him.  They might just need each other.  If you look both of us I lost just about everything he did.
I’m not getting money from him - but I have a job uh two jobs to make ends meet
He hasn’t paid 2014 taxes - I’m trying to figure out that from my side
He stopped paying all the credit cards -  I claimed bankrupcy to get away from that.
He says Life Sucks - I say Life’s OK
One by one I am getting myself away from his chaos.  But here is the buggy

People respect me, love me, care for me and God has protected me. That’s what’s really missing for him.  Everything he touches goes wrong.  For the first time in my life I am making more money than He is.  That is so weird to me.  I didn’t even know that till a friend mentioned it. 

I don’t know if he’s snap out of this or really understand what he has lost.  He has to one day wake up and remember the houses we had, the trips we went on, the plays we went to. The friends we had, the fun we had, the meals we ate. And maybe the love we had, how much I took care of him.  But, the mental part are this is so weird that he can be that gone.  Maybe he’ll work through it or maybe he’ll be that lost soul forever. 
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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