Author Topic: My Story Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!  (Read 4064 times)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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My Story Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #20 on: September 07, 2018, 05:51:28 PM »
Nothing is for sure Lioness but... he isn’t one to make that stuff up.  He might lie about things but they are stupid childlike stuff to wiggle out of a corner.  I don’t think he would make up the mother stuff.  I still have some of his family on my FB page.  His thing is he just doesn’t address anything and then will bring up his mother to get off topic.  You are right Lioness I do have my own health issue but in his eyes he doesn’t see any of that.  You can still in how he writes me. He’ll let me know something going on in his life to not discuss what I need to know.  Example 1 million and this as bad as it was made me laugh

I texted Thursday for him to give me an update when I would see money.  Nothing!  He didn’t return my text so today I texted him again and said

Look you know what I’m going through up here.  You got the notice I’m sure. I wouldn’t be going through any of this if it wasn’t for your decisions and choices you made.  The least you could do is respect me enough to return my communication.

That made him text back.  He didn’t address anything I wrote.  He change my first text where I wanted to know about money to giving me another update on his job search and then when in to this

I applied for an additional 6 jobs in 2 days

I have an infection in my jaw and can’t chew and barely talk.  the entire nerve is inflamed from my jaw all the way back into my brain.  I know exactly where that is traveling.

Then sent another text

I’m on my second round of antibiotics

I was like you have got to be kidding me. I mean honestly can he not see he’s got the curse of God.  I wrote back

What?  This is crazy.  Do you know how you got this?  Some point you have got to look at yourself and figure out why all this stuff is going on.  This is just crazy like a plague.  Praying that heals fast.

Totally didn’t address what I wrote which I wouldn’t expect him to but go this

Chipped tooth

Then I wrote

Are you OK?

He wrote
Other than the searing. Pain.  I think so.  Pain does get to you plus I look like a chipmunk with a cheek full of nuts.  Who doesn’t love that? (Smiley face)

I wrote
Is the tooth taken care of?

He wrote
Not until infection is gone.
I bit into a gummy bear ( smiley face)

I wrote wow that beats my ice cream story ( Years ago I crack a tooth on cookie and cream ice cream)

Wrote sent another smiley face

So, I turned it around and said
Have you had any interviews?
He wrote
3 initial

All this conversation about him and nothing much about anything I needed to know.  But, I had to laugh.  This guy is getting hit so hard.  Bankrupcy probably started, no money, no job, mother is ill, dad is ill, he has an infection and now going to loose a tooth and doesn’t have the money to even get that fixed.  I don’t know what his relationship is but my guess would be it’s probably like eveything else in his life right now but he’s still avoiding the responsibility of all that.  He is still trying to stay afloat thinking he can beat all this and there still might be a rainbow at the end of it.  It all just made me laugh how ridiculous it all is.   
Happy Friday everyone!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #21 on: September 07, 2018, 11:02:15 PM »
It's hardly surprising he's unwell with so much stuff going on in his life.

I hope he sorts things out soon, so you both have some peace.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Lioness

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #22 on: September 08, 2018, 12:04:11 AM »
Waouh UL, your H is not having the time of his life! That being said I find the dynamics between you quite interesting! If my H wrote me about him being unwell, i would enquire about what he suffers from of course and then wish him a speedy recovery. But if he had ignored my communications and then told me about his illness to shut me down from holding him to account, I would yes be polite, compassionate BUT straight to the point about him back to what my needs are.

I hope you are well and are finding other ways to cover what your H won’t pay, it sure sounds really stressful!

Look UL, it is clear that your H is in deep financial, emotional and physical ruin. I hope this is enough to wake him up and soon. But in the meantime I think it would help to re-think what you need from him and how you can get it. Yes, he has an infected tooth but you are dealing with far more life threatening illness than he does and he never enquires about you. Yes his mom is aging etc, but you have your own issues too. How long will you keep letting him give you the run around? If he has no money, and he has filed for bankruptcy i doubt he will pay you. If he has a job and is refusing simply to pay you, either you can get the courts involved or let it go altogether.  Because this sounds more like not letting the rope drop and he knows it. It is not helping you get what you need from your Mlcer so maybe it is time to admit it isn’t working, at least not beyond the occasional and brief satisfaction of finding out where he is at on his MLC journey!

Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #23 on: September 08, 2018, 06:42:52 AM »
Well he sure has made a royal mess of his life, hasn't he?

About bankruptcy, if he has no money how is he paying for one?  They aren't cheap.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #24 on: September 08, 2018, 07:00:42 AM »
Honestly Lioness I don’t expect anything from him.  I’ve come to the point of contacting him to keep the money in the for front so he know it’s still his responsibility whether he talks about it or not.  If I don’t bring it up at some point there would be no communication about it at all and he would then assume I’ve given up.  I haven’t given up BUT...there is NO reason to head to an attorney to get something right now that isn’t there.  I don’t have $5000 to get info I already know.  So I am waiting it out.  I am getting past the bankrupcy that is the step right now.  Looks like that should be closed around Nov 16.  Once that is over I will give him till the end of the year and then scour around to see if he has a job.  It will take a few months for it to show up anywhere.  It will not be hard to find info on him.  I can also get his bank info for deposit down the road but right now the little month he has he isn’t going to put me first on the bread chain so I’m just knocking on the door letting him know I haven’t forgotten. 

My goal right now is to stay afloat on my own.  I am working 7 days a week, now have a roommate I  can’t wait to move away from but I’m doing what I need to do to survive.  I want to be self sufficient and ready if I never see anymore money from him.  BUT I also am not rolling over.  It may look like it in my post but I am not.  I am riding this jobless or somewhat job season of his because I don’t have the money to survive and fight in court only to find out he doesn’t have anything to give me.  I am learning patience.

If you noticed also I did lay it down the line that I am only going through stuff because of his choices.  I know he would respond to any of that.  He’s not in ownership at this time but I still hit it and he responded but he didn’t respond negatively.  Which in my eye is I won’t address what you just wrote because down deep in that crazy brain of mine I know your right.  We all know that the monster would have been all over that.  Monster is pretty much gone at this point.  He’s just trying to survive himself.  He has another country he could run to so that could also put a damper on things and why it’s more important for me to find a way to survive without my alimony.  I am doing that.  But again also knocking on his door saying don’t forget I need money.

I do find it interesting that life is one crazy something after another with him.  And that he does tell me his sad stories to avoid taking ownership or responding with answers.  He answered with he’s looking for a job but no answer to my need for money.  I see that.  I didn’t expect money because I know it’s not there.  My ex wants nothing to do with me!  He never seeks me out.  He’s done.  I don’t expect anything from him but I can’t just let what he says roll off me.  I still care for this person who I spent 30 years with but I don’t think, or feel anything coming from him and it’s ok.  I’m responsible for myself and how I treat, act and handling people and I just can’t be mean or demanding to him. But I have my ways of getting what I need out of him without doing that.  He knows me and know I’m relentless.  I will not give up but I will kick in when need be.

He also didn’t even mention the bankrupcy.  He got a notice, he knows.  He never asks me anything.  Never.  He doesn’t have the guts to open thoses doors but I will in a round about way.  It’s disappoint for sure that he doesn’t care about my health, my financial needs, my life but I kind of look at it as well,  he wanted out of the marriage so why would he?  He has walked me through so much crap not on purpose on some of it but he has and it’s missed up my daily life but that’s what happen when you make bad choices.  He’s still take the brut of all that.  As bad as it has been the last 5 years from all the stuff he has done my life is OK.  My only drama other then the new roommate is all his stuff.  Other wise life is peaceful.  Tiring as I have to work everyday but this is my life now and I have to find peace with it.  His world has been created, and I understand he doesn’t care for me.  I live with that every day.  My ex husbands wants nothing to do with me and that’s kind of what ex husbands do. 

Thanks a bunch for reading and giving stuff to think about.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #25 on: September 08, 2018, 07:04:52 AM »
Thunder,  I have filed bankrupcy.  I think that he hasn’t yet.  He is in a mess because he can’t file because of lack of funds right now.  He can make payments but I don’t think he has it yet to do that even.  I’m pretty sure the OW was getting mula from him and she’s probably not getting what she was or everything he gets in a month goes to her but that road is getting shorter and shorter.  Like I said in the post above I’m surprised he’s not more angry with me for starting this.  The timing for him isn’t good with all that’s going on up there.  I think that is another reason why he can’t go home to see his mom.  He doesn’t have friends, or access to find extra money to do so and I just had all credit cards close going through the bankrupcy.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Lioness

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #26 on: September 08, 2018, 07:57:44 AM »
My God, UL, you are doing it right! Hope I didn’t come off as dismissive :-(. I think I had misunderstood the reason you got in touch with him knowing he had no money in the first place but after reading your comment it makes a lot of sense.

The interesting thing about your H is how he has steadily been going down, since he left you. Most of us quite struggle with how our Mlcers seem to be doing well despite our absences. They may be insane but to the rest of the universe they are pretty well functional! Yours on the other hand, he has been going down, first couldn’t seem to run the business on his own at the beginning, now with the health issues I can’t imagine him really being happy with this post-BD life!

Sorry to hear the roommate is still hard to live with. Hang tight. Is there anyway you can get a different one?
« Last Edit: September 08, 2018, 07:58:57 AM by Lioness »

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #27 on: September 08, 2018, 03:00:47 PM »
Haha Lioness,  I don’t know if I’m doing it right but I’m doing it the best way I think.  For all of us or most of us the outcome seems to be the same.  We can all just do what we can do and this is my approach.  I just didn’t want you or anyone to think I was completely needy or attached.  I have reason behind what I’m doing.  I have to stay somewhat connect because of money reasons and not go completely dark.  But I also don’t need to communicate with him all the time.  Just pop in and out long periods of silent then pop, remind him at least for now.

YES, he has been completely gone down hill almost right away.  He has never made any kind of big decision completely on his own.  He never gave thought to all I did in the marriage.  In the back of his head he fed himself a bunch of lies.  When they want out they run fast.  He has was a MLCer who never waivered.  When he saw the opportunity he ran and ran fast.  From day one he only called when he needed something, needed to tell me something, try to get me to do something, etc.  There was never any kind of hey whatcha up to today just wanted to check in.  He was gone.  At first he was monstering for a long while but that has been gone.  I could just about say anything and he really wouldn’t fight me.  He might ignore it but I he hasn’t been mad at me in a long while unless he is in his head and I just don’t know it.  My ex has completely destroyed his career, his health and life.  I mean maybe he’s really happy in his relationship but even then they have been together for 5 years now and are not married.  She would be married a complete mess and I think she’s adding to it.  She lead him (because he is a follower) right down the road to destruction.  At some point I’m guessing that destruction is going to get the best of their relationship.  I can’t believe that with everything that is going wrong with him isn’t affecting their relationship.  He’s showing how old he is now.  There is no replay to keep him going.  I don’t know where he is in his MLC but It can’t be full blown replay.  He’s miserable.  But, he hasn’t given in.  He’s still in denial and still trying to swim.  I don’t know when he’ll give up and maybe he never will.  He could stay right where he is forever. 

My ex was a believer.  He know the word and I really believe that is why he is getting hit so hard.  God isn’t so much causing all the crap but God also isn’t helping.  God’s standing by to catch him but he really needs to want to be caught and turn his life around.  He’s a mess.  All the decisions he has made made him one hot mess.  My ex became entitled.  He became so sure of himself that it destroyed him.  That’s sad to me but I am keeping my distance from all that.

It is weird to me that how close we were how he never looks for ways to contact me like other MLCer’s do.  I think that is what breaks my heart the most.  The vanishing thing.  How could we be that close and then nothing?  Kind of makes me thing it was all an act.  Let maybe he was always detached.  I mean he did this to his friends as well but looking back he didn’t really call his friends they called him to do things.  Looking back I see this detachment that he may always have had that was a part of him and just got worst with MLC.  He’s a strange bird for sure.  I am almost sure his issue is from childhood and his parents.  Something stopped back then and never moved forward.

Ok now I’m just off the beaten path.  LOL!
Thanks Lioness!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Online megogirl

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #28 on: September 08, 2018, 04:10:01 PM »
He’s a mess.  All the decisions he has made made him one hot mess.  My ex became entitled.  He became so sure of himself that it destroyed him. 

THAT, UL.....

I accompanied my H on his climb up the corporate ladder...that climb necessitated moves to FL, NM, MN, and (now), PA. I hated it, but being an agreeable "corporate wife" was my role.  I had NO CHOICE.

So, how does H thank me for 12 years of misery, following his journey to the top?!?

By depositing me and S15 in PA, finding a hooker in Upstate NY, and filing for divorce.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Last Edit: September 08, 2018, 04:13:41 PM by megogirl »

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starter

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Re: Where Do We Fit - Last Chapter!
« Reply #29 on: September 19, 2018, 05:43:07 PM »
Megogirl, your story does sound like mine for sure. Sorry for your journey!

Well, everyone Monday was court/hearing day for bankrupcy.  It took every bit of 5 minutes.  Yep, totally painless other than I actually had to go through it.  Trustee asked me 5 questions and moved on.  So, now I’m on the wait for 60 days to see what credtors will do I guess.  This will now put my X in a bind because he will have to follow suit and he hasn’t paid taxes for 3 years and until he gets that taken care of he can’t file anything I believe. 

One more step to closure.  I do have new news on X.  After texting to see if he was any closer to getting a job he wrote back he has an infection from his jaw to his brain.  His words.  He is on his second round of antibiotics and it’s not cutting it.  I just really think God has temporarily washed his hands of him till he gets his life together.

All I do is work but I’m making it.  I just cut back what I was putting into my 403 account so I could get more money out of my paychecks.  None of it was really going to add up to much for retirement.  I hope I stay health for a long while.  I can’t afford not to.
God is with her, she will not fall
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