Author Topic: My Story H is moving forward with OW, But there is unfinished business with me 3  (Read 4064 times)

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Off-N-On
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 594
  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..
 
  My new thread...his MLC/limbo/mess continues into its 3rd year now. H has pretty much disappeared at this point, no contact from him it seems unless it benefits him and its only by text...he is still with OW, they sold the Condo they were living in and bought a new house. He says things are good between him and OW and that he is happy and that nothing in the situation has changed..we are still married, no legal separation , he has not filed for divorce ….I am doing the best I can , staying busy, living my life....

Thank you to everyone that is following along, your support, encouragement and advice mean the world to me.

 can someone attach my old threads please.XXX

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10105.0
« Last Edit: June 27, 2018, 05:21:44 AM by Mitzpah »
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD  2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old with a 7yr old
H- moved out of our home in  2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Online Rosetintedglasses

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 949
  • Gender: Female
Lovely to see your new thread Waiting.

Hope all goes well with your daughter,

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21677
  • Gender: Female
Welcome to your new thread, Waiting.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline heroIam

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1941
  • Gender: Female
I'm here following along waiting! 
xx :)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4399
  • Gender: Female
Continuing on with you, Waiting. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16 - his 53rd birthday
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21677
  • Gender: Female
Waiting, I'm just curious, did that new lawyer ever take your case?  I don't remember, only that you talked to him.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4890
  • Gender: Female
Continuing along with you Waiting.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Sam I Am

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1519
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
following your story....
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Offline Mrs.Smiling

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 673
  • Gender: Female
Following waiting...this last post sounds pretty familiar...

Smiles to you..
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline waiting4Topic starter

  • MLCer Type: Off-N-On
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 594
  • Gender: Female
  • Tomorrow is another day..

  Good Morning.. this has been the longest week, I have gone down the rabbit hole, cycled, been very angry , stressed out, and now I'm just looking for a warm hole to crawl into and be left alone..

 I want this week over with...

 Our daughter had her blood work done yesterday.. it was very traumatic but she got through it. they will be checking for cancers, her thyroid. and also checking for diabetes .. in 6 months she has gone from weighing 120 to now 160.. she can not walk due to severe back pain, that becomes even worse when she sits, so laying flat on her back is the only way to get relief.. the pain is concentrated in her lower back and tailbone..she has no appettite and when she does eat she feels full after only a few bites, and feels bloated.

At this point her doctor suspects a tumor.. she has an ultra sound on Friday...

I am trying to stay positive and simply be here for her..im doing all I can to keep things calm around her..we are not having any discussions about H, anything that happens with him I'm keeping it to myself..

I had several text conversations with H yesterday.. i am not saying anything to him about our daughter at this time.. the text convo with him yesterday was in regards to two things.. #1 .. his credit card has had some charges that he claims he knows nothing about. ( we still have our joint accounts, even though i have some in my name only) .. so he is claiming he knows nothing about the charges.. the CC company informed me that the card was swiped for the transations..H repeatedly denied any knowledge and said his CC was always on him and that in fact the day of the charges he didnt go anywhere..

I had to laugh to myself.. i wasnt sure if he was trying to convince me or himself.. i didnt argue with him, just told him what the cc company said and told him they would be investagating it and that the account had been frozen and new cards were being sent ..he continued to go on and on about having his card on him at all times and there is no way anyone could get his card..it was as if he was doing a pre emptive strike on my accussing OW.. but i NEVER said a word about OW.

But im thinking to myslef how on earth was his card swiped without his knowledge.. he either gave it to someone.. or someone took it out of his wallet without his knowledge..

He said there is no way anyone had his card.. im thinking to meself.. so when you take a shower you have your wallet in the shower with you?!?! when you take your pain meds and a shot of whiskey and go to sleep , you are totally aware if someone got into your wallet ?!?!... i just kept it all to myself..

He is very angry about it... but for the first time he isnt directing it at me.. i have no access to his wallet, i have no access to his card... but he's living in a house with OW, her dad, her step brother and another relative...and the card was swiped at a business near OWs office..

 #2 then a few hours later, he makes a comment about something that happened recently in the news in regards to immigration ( OW , her dad , step brother are from south america) H made a comment about how fed up he is with all these illegals , and how these illegals come into the country and pool all there money within families and buy homes, that they have all these family members living under one roof ETC... i did not say a word... but OMGosh...he is living in the middle of that mess.. OW supports DOCCA, she is a realtor that only sells homes to immigrants and its always situations where 3-5 family members pool their money in order to afford the house... so he is making these comments to me while living in it.. UNBELIEVABLE....i cant imagine , H is a total conservative, and hates liberals.. but he's living with OW who is an immigrant from south america,she is living with god knows how many family members... she is a liberal/socialist, sells homes to a specific demographic ( immigrants) supports DOCCA, is unethical in her businness dealings by representing the buyer and the seller in the transations.. etc...

WHAT ON EARTH DOES H HAVE IN COMMON WITH OW?  I CANT IMAGINE THE CONVERSATIONS THAT GO ON IN THAT HOUSE...

I didnt say a word...

but im thinking to myself.. OH what a tangled web we weave, when once we practice to deceive...

Im just living a good, honest life... and there seems to be some stuff going on in LA LA LAND..
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD  2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old with a 7yr old
H- moved out of our home in  2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.