Author Topic: My Story H is moving forward with OW, But there is unfinished business with me 3  (Read 4062 times)

Offline Thunder

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They never see their situation clearly, only everyone else's.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline waiting4Topic starter

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  • Tomorrow is another day..
   going down the rabbit hole yesterday...

  Here I am 3 years into this mess, I am living on my own, doing the best I can to get on with things,, I am very very lonely.. the nights are endless..i miss that special connection with that special person ..i miss having someone here when i walk in the door..i miss having my hand held in a tender loving way..

even though i am busy, my life is in limbo..i am married but not married..i have a husband but he has turned his back on me..

i do not want a divorce .. i still love him.. i am still willing to do the work to rebuild our marriage.. but i get nothing from him..

at times i feel  he wants a divorce but doesn't have the balls to do it . that he is waiting me out.. hoping i break down and just give in.. agree to whatever he wants and take whatever he offers.. no lawyers, just an agreement put before a judge and that will be that.. we will go our separate ways.. 

i do not understand why OW is not fed up..why she hasnt made his life a living hell for not divorcing me and truly making her #1 in his life in every way..

I do not understand how he gets up everyday and goes about his life with no thought of me.. how does he go about daily life acting as if he is completley single.. taking OW around people he works with, introducing her all the while having a wife.. it turns my stomach.. it makes me sick..

I do not like going down the rabbit hole, thankfully i do not do it as often anymore..but i fell head first yesterday...

Therapy session today.. i hope it eases some of my feelings ...I continue to pray for my H.. I continue to work on myself..but at the end of the day.. im still in limbo, while H is living in LA LA LAND...

I hate the rabbit hole...
Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD  2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old with a 7yr old
H- moved out of our home in  2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

Offline heroIam

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even though i am busy, my life is in limbo..i am married but not married..i have a husband but he has turned his back on me..
i do not want a divorce .. i still love him.. i am still willing to do the work to rebuild our marriage.. but i get nothing from him..


You are not alone waiting.
This too shall pass.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Mitzpah

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  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Waiting,

I am hoping the blood work comes back ok, has she done any imaging tests?

When my son (13 at the time) had cancer (brain cancer), the only test that showed the tumor was a MRI of the brain. He is cancer free now, but I remember the difficult times of not knowing what it was.

Your h. is still immersed in a mess, isn't he? I am glad that you are refraining from telling him about your d. at the moment, he is obviously very mixed up and wouldn't be a help at all during this uncertain period.

Yes, limbo... I remember that very well - one of the advantages of being where I am at now is that I am still free to love him, but there are no gray areas of not knowing what is going to happen next. Other than life, of course :P

Take good care of yourself and your daughter. Let him be.
M 57
H 57
S 27
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline Milly

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Waiting, I'm so sorry you are facing this terribly anxious situation with your D's health. I do hope the tests tomorrow show something that can be easily treated, whatever it turns out to be.

I agree to not get your H involved right now. He seems to use everything against you these days. Ridiculous his denial of either having used the cc himself or having been used by someone he lives with. Incredible that he was insinuating that you might have used it, of course, your are ALWAYS to blame.

You know, I bet that even if he does ask OW if she used it, she will just admit it and convince him that she asked him for permission or something, or used it for his benefit, and he will believe her. Otherwise what is he doing living with her and her family whilst ridiculing that very situation? If that isn't telling of how blind they are to the life they're living and the people they are living beside.

Yes, I can not understand why OW hasn't made your H's life a living hell for still being legally married to you. Either she's so desperate or she's getting something out if it emotionally, financially, or for legal purposes.

Stay away from him for now. You and your D need to be able to use all your energies to get her well again. Big hugs to you and D. xxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Praying for your D Waiting, that there is nothing serious wrong and the fix is a quick and painless one.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Treasur

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Praying for you and your girl too, Waiting.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Milly

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Thinking of you and your D tonight. xxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline AleB

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Thinking of you and your daughter. Please, keep being strong....

Offline waiting4Topic starter

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  • Tomorrow is another day..

  It was a busy day yesterday with Daughter...she had her ultra sound and everything has been sent to a radiologist , we should hear something by the end of next week..

some of her blood work came back, so far no cancers, and her thyroid is normal.. some good news and  I am so very thankful . 

Her back pain is increasing , the only relief she gets is by laying flat … she says the pain is unbearable if she is in a sitting position..i want to take her pain away, I want our daughter to be happy again ..

i am staying positive and trying to keep her mind off of it, she misses her dad and i know she would give anything to have him here..but he has gone off for the 4th of July holiday..and he probably would ignore her if she reached out to him.

i was looking at our bank account online last night and i can see that he is in our hometown for the holiday with his family... i am feeling alot of anger for him right now..he litterally makes no effort to contact our daughter... i am just sick over it all, i am so angry that he treats our daughter as he does..

how much worse is this all going to get.. how much longer is he going to have this view that he is doing nothing wrong..
why are others around him not questioning his behaviour? its as if everyone has bought a ticket to watch this train wreck...

he says i kept him from his family..that i pushed and browbeat him into never seeing them.. that he is with somone now who puts him first and she is normal, and just gets along with everyone.. he went on a rant about how he will never forgive our daughter for not attending a memorial ceremony for his dad a few years ago...i told him  our daughter couldnt attend because she was working.. he said thats B--- S---..
this is all total insanity..he says im stuck in the past and cant let things go...and yet he's the one that brings up all this stuff about his family and not going around them for years.. he is the one that seems to be unable to let go of stuff..

some of the things he says just get stuck in my head.. weeks later I find it looping and I let it take over my thoughts, and ruin my day..the things that did happen but he has magnified or twisted or how he uses things to his benefit.. those are the things that start me questioning my own sanity..he is so firm in his belief that I have done him wrong, that I have been this awful woman in his life..that I kept him from his family... do I like his family ? no , no I don't.. was I ever rude to them? no, no I wasn't.. did they do things that pissed me off?  yes, yes they did...did I ever say to him YOU CAN NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR FAMILY? no, no I did not.. did I chain him in the basement ? no, no I did not..

i just ask myself how much worse is this going to get..i feel if i dropped dead he would be the happiest man on earth..

i am reeling today...i have so much on me.. i have so much on my mind.. i am so tired...i want to scream at God.. i am doing all i can to hold on.  i have bascially crawled over broken glass and swalloed my pride for  3 years...and all this just keeps getting worse..

He says" I am with someone now (pet name) " ...ok ... i get that..he has a full life with her..she is totally emmerced in his life.. his family, his job ,his charity work, his friends.. THE WHY IS HE NOT DIVORCING ME...if he cant forgive me or our daughter and he feels he is so justified in leaving me, then why does he not get the F--- of my my life completley...

i know i am reeling, im going down the rabbit hole..i sat with our daughter and watched her sleep and it just breaks my heart.. this craziness is such a waste.. so much time lost.. so many years that we will never get back...i took my wedding ring off last night and threw it across the room.. he is gone from my life and im trying to just have some kind of balance..

i cant have any communication with him anymore.. no communication with him for any reason not even bills.. not our daughter.. as long as he is with OW, as long as he has his family supporting him in all this , as long as he continues to blame me for everything..i have owned my part, i am working on myself..i am so tired of all this crap...he has turned my life upside down, i have never in my entire life known this kind of stress, or ever felt this kind of pain..i have never loved someone so much and so deeply  and had them spit in my face, openly and publcy humilate and embarass me ..

yes, i am going down the rabbit hole today...its going to be a very bad day today...



Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD  2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old with a 7yr old
H- moved out of our home in  2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
 If you're going through Hell, keep going

 

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