Author Topic: My Story my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair  (Read 3009 times)

Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #120 on: October 13, 2018, 03:25:07 PM »
Dear wise Thunder,

It is sometimes mind blowing how totally nuts this is.
One thing I have noticed is when he is here he starts playing with his wedding ring which is attached to his key fob, he puts it on and off.

He always used to be so sensible about money but he is way out of control now.
He looks like cr*p and seems to be a shell of his former self. I, on the other hand, look so much better.
He is the one who mentions the OW but I walk outside or go into another room.

I am worried about him but I know I can do nothing to help. He has to go through this alone and as such I must learn to detach more, though I do love him I don't love what he has become. I pray that God helps him through this.

I thank you Thunder, you always give the best advice.

God bless you.

Offline FaithWalker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2128
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #121 on: October 13, 2018, 08:40:23 PM »
Hello S&A, I am new to your story.  I'm so glad you found this place so quickly!  Awesome, empathetic people here with great advice.  I found this forum about 9 months after BD and 5 months after D.

I can't imagine being in pain and pushing through to get the work done that you have to do since your H bailed.  You are a very strong person who will prevail through this!  (((HUGS)))
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back
1 year later no signs of anyone new - workaholic


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #122 on: October 14, 2018, 12:59:31 AM »
Hi FW,

Thank you for your response, it is quite a thing this MLC isn't it?

I always try to think there are others who are suffering more than we when I feel so low and in pain. I take my time when doing anything like mowing the lawn, just a bit at a time with plenty of sit downs lol !!!!!!

The shock of seeing this once kind and loving man who is now the epitome of everything both he and I hated in the worst of people is the thing that still I find difficult to process.

I remember when I first got here, I was in so much shock and disbelief I thought no one else on earth could possibly understand what I was trying to explain but this place has been my refuge, my solace. The advice given, the experiences shared make me realise that though this is a revelation to me, many many others have trod this path before me and many many more will follow.

I have learned so much, I understand this is NOTHING to do with our marriage, NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with my H.

I am trying and continue to detach, not for him but for me. I still struggle with this but continue to try to achieve it.

Crazy and twisted is what this is. So much of this makes no sense at all.

I continue to pray to God to help my H and to give me the strength to carry on each day.

God bless you all




Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #123 on: October 17, 2018, 08:11:52 AM »
Hi everyone,

Just after a bit of advice from you wise people.

My H left me in May for OW, told me he was moving into a flat share with a work colleague, lied repeatedly over 10 weeks until I found a letter he had written to the OW and ripped up.

I am having a real hard time thinking about the fact that my MIL has not contacted me at all. When in the past any kind of problem with my H whether it be medical or general his mother would always email me, they live on the other side of the world.

I asked my H what he had told them, first he said he had told them it was an amicable split, then he said he told them he lived in a flat share whilst he sorted his head out. He then told me they had seen the OW on camera and went mad about it so my H got her to the camera and got her to say he had not left me for her!!!!!

My dilemma, should I email his mother and tell her what really happened or leave it for now. He is going to ask them to pay off his credit cards and I just know he is going to blame me for building that debt which is false.

The fact they don't contact me makes me think I shouldn't but the injustice of it makes me think I should.

Over to you wise people, I would like some advice.

Thanks all, and as always, God bless you all.


Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19708
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #124 on: October 17, 2018, 08:44:30 AM »
Shock, that's a hard call to make.

I understand you wanting them to know it's not you, especially the credit card debt, but would they believe him or you?  Would it really in the long run matter?  The truth will eventually come out.
He probably is telling them things to make himself look good, but are they naïve enough to believe him?  Who knows.

Then there is the fact that he may be angry you contacted them with the information.

It's up to you, you have every right to call them, but weight the pro's and con's before you do it.
We will support anything you decide.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #125 on: October 17, 2018, 09:38:51 AM »
Thank you Thunder

Where would I be without you!

I’m taking your advice and I shall just leave it be. He tells so many lies he can’t remember what he said to whom so I’m sure he will slip up.

I’m glad you’re around Thunder and God bless your kindness


Offline Schratz66

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1140
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #126 on: October 18, 2018, 06:38:42 AM »
Shock, I understand you wanting to set the record straight, but trust me on this one....blood is thicker than water and in the end they will believe what they want to believe from their own flesh and blood. It is amazing how many in laws just drop us LBS the minute the MLC walks out.
It hurts like hell to not only get dropped by our spouse but by the entire family as well. I always thought I had a special bond with my MIL and SIL, but obviously on their end it was only as long as my H was with me.

Don't waste your time and effort - they will think whatever he tells them to think about you, because it's easier to believe him than to actually face the fact that their own child is a piece of crap
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Online UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6920
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #127 on: October 18, 2018, 06:45:00 AM »
I’m taking your advice and I shall just leave it be. He tells so many lies he can’t remember what he said to whom so I’m sure he will slip up.

Ooooo... Are you married to my brother?  He does that too... and it WILL come back to bite him at some point...

I agree that giving them the low-down will probably NOT work in your favor but, in the end, the real truth will come out..
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #128 on: October 19, 2018, 10:48:54 PM »
Thanks everyone,

I have decided to do nothing just let him carry on in his own f***ed up craziness.

It was our friends funeral yesterday, needless to say H didn’t show up. I was more relieved than anything tbh.

I know liars have to have a good memory so good luck on that one. Unless he goes on eBay or something for a new one his is shot 😳.

I continue to work on me. I look so much better than I did at the beginning of this nightmare and though I have many moments of sadness and I cry every night I do keep these times to an absolute minimum.

The advice and help and support I receive on here really is amazing and I use what I have learned all of the time.

Thank you everyone and God bless you all

Offline ShockandaweTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 100
  • Gender: Female
Re: my mlcer left me for ow after an internet affair
« Reply #129 on: November 01, 2018, 04:39:24 AM »
Hi All,

Lots of stuff has happened since my last post so I will try to record it all here.

My H paid for one of the dogs to have surgery which was expensive. He spent much of the day here, took me for breakfast, got me to run him back to his to collect his credit card to pay for the surgery. I was quite shocked in that he even showed me which one was his apartment. He slept on our bed for a while as he had worked the night before.
He gave me some money for petrol and said his future was not with the ow. I made no comment about that.
He told me he was thinking of working abroad for two weeks on two weeks off in some pretty dangerous places tbh. I just said well that is your choice and if it is what you feel you need to do then do it.
We collected the dog and I cried as they removed a lump and sent it for analysis and I got upset as we had to wait for the results for a week.
We got back home and he cried and said it was all so unfair on me as I had suffered so much.
He told me he had been to church and was looking for something. He said he goes for long walks and thinks then said he doesn't like to think as he feels guilty.
He arrived this week to set up my broadband which is now in my name, he was different again, quite cold and un feeling but I dealt with that in the way I have learned from this invaluable place. I remained very neutral and calm.
He gave me my money and then rang me on his way back to tell me he now has a counsellor and sees him every week whether that is true is something I won't know.

I continue to detach and keep contact to a minimum, he knows I am here and that is enough for now.
I miss him terribly, I however continue to carry on as best I can.

Did I do the right thing?

God bless you all.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk