[Acorn]

I’m not an old timer by any stretch of imagination but felt compelled to comment on MF’s post.

Thank you, MF, for reminding me about the following.  They have been the cornerstone of my view on life and I’m glad to read them again. 

I read some LBS's posts and can recognise the same cycle of LBS's resisting change and striving to maintain a grip on their old lives despite them being no longer healthy. The same old arguments rolling around and around. AS the saying goes "resistance is futile" and my biggest healing came when I let go of the outcome of my journey and found the joy every day; living a life my future self would benefit from.

-snip-

I am in the throes of planning my retirement in 3 years time and have realised that I am truly blessed to be able to be making proactive choices from a position of love rather than bitterness and it is partly as a direct result of this Forum that I am able to do so.

Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving!
Acorn

[xyzcf]

Enjoy lunch with Voyager and thanks for coming back and sharing where you are at.

This speaks volumes:

my biggest healing came when I let go of the outcome of my journey and found the joy every day; living a life my future self would benefit from.

The hard part is getting to this place where joy returns, new life is generated and new friends and memories are made. It does happen, regardless of the outcome.

Take care!

[Anjae]

Hi Moving Forward,

Nice to read you. Thank you for the update. Glad to know you and the kids are doing fine.

It is nice to see someone else with a long time MLCer posting and sharing their experience.

MLCers may be married/live with OW/OM for ages, but all it seems to do is making them even more unhappy.

Finding joy every day is really important.

Say hi to Voyager.

Hugs

[stayed]

Hi MF, what a delight hearing from you. What a journey eh?

Hugs Stayed

[LaughLoveLive]

I have popped back to the forum after many months and was happy to see an Oldtimers thread happening! BD for me was Dec 2011, almost 7 years ago so I’m guessing I qualify as an Oldtimer.

I suppose I got to thinking about HS  again because my H (XH now, sadly) married the original and only OW last month. I was surprisingly unfazed when my D23 shared the news but over the next few weeks different thoughts  have wandered through my mind.

My  D16 shrugged her shoulders and said “doesn’t affect me” but my D23 found the news very upsetting, angry mostly that they kept their plans a secret, only announcing after the event. After a few days, she was able to realise that keeping it a secret was H’s way to avoid a potentially difficult / awkward conversation  for as long as possible. She also said to me “she’s so clearly a bandaid but she just might stick forever”

I admit I thought well they must be happy together to be getting married but over on my freshly started thread it was suggested that perhaps happiness was still elusive so they thought they would give marriage a go. A useful perspective for me.

My point is that seven years in MLC is  still going strong!!!


Thankfully my life is much calmer these days. Yes I still think about him most days but not with pain and sadness, almost just whimsical thoughts or memories. Occasionally anger and bitterness but hey I’m not a saint. I really like osb’s thought of  the  moon - waxing and waning but ever present, cool and calm. I’ll try to think of that every time I look at the moon.

My daughters seem  mostly settled, studying hard, happy groups of friends, ambitions for future careers and lives. Pragmatic, independent. Some hesitancy to trust in romantic relationships but I think they will get there. Very appreciative of the stability and sensitivity I’ve provided, the three of us share a close bond forged by MLC.

[Beacon]

Ok I'm not completely sure I qualify as an old timer but I figured maybe some of you old timers had some advice. I didn't post this on my thread because no one really reads my thread.

Background BD 5 years ago, W has been out of the family home for 4 years now. I would say we've been reconnecting for 6 months now. AP is apparently no longer an item however she states she stays in contact because she is afraid he will hurt himself.

My question is what is the story with re connection, Ive read its sometimes more difficult than the MLC however I generally feel confused. My W has showed progress for sure since BD and we have started to spend more time together the past 6 months of reconnecting. Doing things together with the kids as a family. We have had great talks about what happened and the affair and she has come clean on a lot of stuff that has happened. We speak daily and when we get together we often hold hands and kiss. These things are all wonderful but I guess I feel stuck.

Like I realize I should be patient but I feel like we should be talking about living together again or even having sex. I'm not sure what is normal at this point. I've read threads on reconnecting and stuff but I still feel like maybe we should be making more progress. I try not to push things or move too quickly because I don't want to end up at square 1 again.

I can't be sure if what I wrote will even make sense but if it does and someone has some insight I would appreciate some feedback. Maybe I'm just being impatient.

[Anjae]

Reconnection is part of MLC. It is said to be harder than Escape & Avoid of which Replay is part of.

6 months of reconnection is not much. When RCR's husband was out of Replay she told him they had to live 1 year apart without him getting back together with OW.

I would say take it slowly and one day at a time. It may be too soon for talking about living together again and have sex. Maybe let her show interest in live together again and in having sex. Having sex is not the priority in reconnection.

[Thunder]

Beacon, I always loved your posts.

I would say after 4 years yes, you are possibly being a bit impatient.
Not that I blame you but I the think she is processing things slowly.  Testing to see if it could be good again.  She needs to trust herself again so she doesn't hurt you again.
It may be more about her than you.

I think taking things very slowly is a good thing.  You both want to be in a good, healthy spot before you go back living together again.
Just my opinion.

I wish you both luck.  Don't rush things, just enjoy each other for now.  It sounds very positive.

[Beacon]

Thank you for your responses. I figured I may just being impatient. I would absolutely say things are getting much better. I'll try to keep it together and just focus on the present
I wish I had it in me to post more in my thread but after awhile I felt like I was talking to myself.

Thunder I do thank you for your continued support. You are a wonderful human being for all you do for all of us on here.

[Treasur]

I think you should revive your old thread, Beacon.
Or maybe start a new one with Reconnecting in the title? Why?
Reconnecting is difficult and people who have been there might be able to support you.
And others might be able to learn from you, like Acorn's posts for example which people find so useful.