Author Topic: My Story My second thread: A new home  (Read 5345 times)

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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My Story Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #110 on: February 10, 2019, 02:54:35 PM »
Thank you One Day, Thunder.  That’s what I thought. It would be the first Valentines Day in like 14 years since I’ve not done something. But I think just treating it like any other day seems the best approach. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #111 on: February 11, 2019, 10:38:31 AM »
Moon,

You have it right. Treat yourself a bit instead of her this year and keep moving forward.

Has she mentioned the ‘going out for a drink’ again? 

I hate to think of you being lonely, this is so hard isn’t it.
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #112 on: February 12, 2019, 03:38:45 PM »
Hi Rose

No, no further mention of going out for a drink and I’ve not bought the matter up again.  I had the girls after school last week, however, and she did ask whether she and the girls could stay for tea.  I said that was fine, and we all had a nice tea together.  Afterwards, D5 put on a little impromptu dance show, which was fun.  But I looked over at W half way through and she appeared miles away, just looking way off into the distance.  All very strange. 

Valentine’s Day will be tough.  But I’ve got the girls Thursday night, and all three of us are off on Friday, and then it’s my weekend to have them, so i hope it won’t be too bad.  Thank you though Rose. Your thoughts are appreciated.  I hope you’ve got something distracting for Thursday as well. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #113 on: February 14, 2019, 02:28:23 PM »
Happy Valentines Day Moon!

Hope its going ok and that you are treating yourself! Great you 3 are off tomorrow and can have a fun time together. W will be missing out for sure but keep your focus on your girls.

I normally keep quite busy so today as been the same. Next year I fancy being wined and dined, not sure yet who with but I think twice is my limit of being ignored by H. Maybe that will change but we will see!

Remember you are the prize, Moon!
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #114 on: February 14, 2019, 03:45:47 PM »
Happy Valentine’s Day to you too Rose
To be honest I’ve not really thought as much about W as I thought I would.  I think I’ve accepted she’s off on her own journey, and I mine. 

Good for you Rose, let’s hope by next Valentine’s you get the attention you deserve. 
Moon
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #115 on: April 01, 2019, 03:38:47 AM »
Moon

Just wondering how you are? Can’t believe we are in to April and through another month!

I guess the children will get off school this month for a while, hopefully that means you will see lots of them!

How has W been?

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #116 on: May 04, 2019, 08:16:42 AM »
Hi Rose
Never mind March, where did April go?  Can’t believe it’s over a month since I last checked in here.  My apologies for not responding sooner.  Hope you are well.  How are things with you? 

Unfortunately the school holidays were a bit of a let down.  W took the girls to Spain for a week with her mum and stepdad, and I only got them just over the rest of the time.  D8 seems to be coming to terms with what’s happened and has asked whether they’ll be with me next Easter (as they were with W this one). She seems to be thinking long term.

Not much to report on W.  Things are still polite and civil between us.  If she’s around here (to pick up or drop off the girls) then she’ll stay for a cup of tea if I offer her one.  I still get the odd peck on the cheek, and she asks me round for tea occasionally.  I suggested all four of us do something as a family the other week.  She said she would think about it but ultimately found an excuse not to come.  She still finds time to go out with friends drinking, etc more than she used to do.  I had to laugh when it was mother’s day recently.  I got something for the girls to get her.  When I asked D8 what she thought we should get for W, she opted for a small bottle of prosecco and a card with prosecco o’clock on it! 

I don’t know though.  Do I need to do anything more?  I’m not sure whether she’s reaching out to me or not.  Or whether her acceptance of my invites is just so she gets to spend more time with the girls, when they would otherwise just be with me?     
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #117 on: May 04, 2019, 08:36:32 AM »
Hey Moon. Good to hear from you. Been wondering how things have been going. Yes some months pass in a whizz. Others, not so much!

I think you are going right and there’s not much more you can do for now. It’s a shame W is drinking a bit but she won’t think that. You keep on being the stable sane adult. It’s not fair on you but it’s all you can do for you. Remember none of this is your doing, she’s unhappy inside and needs to address it.  You didn’t cause it, and you can’t fix it.

Have you been doing anything fun for yourself?

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #118 on: May 06, 2019, 06:39:26 AM »
Remember none of this is your doing, she’s unhappy inside and needs to address it.  You didn’t cause it, and you can’t fix it.

Have you been doing anything fun for yourself?

Rose 🌹

Rose has already addressed the real issues.... No need for me to parrot what she has said...
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #119 on: May 11, 2019, 03:32:14 PM »
Thanks Rose and UM
I know what you’re saying. I just wonder if she’ll ever face up to what’s making her unhappy, whether she’s capable of that kind of honesty and self analysis.  A lot of my friends and family tell me it’s time to move on now, it’s been over a year, and I’m thinking perhaps its time I did.  I’ve been so busy at work of late and it’s getting me down coming home to a cold, empty house where I can’t even go and kiss my two girls goodnight. 

Sorry, just feeling over worked, over tired and a bit down atm.  I’m long overdue a holiday.  I’m taking the girls to the seaside in August, which we’re all looking forward to, although I doubt I’ll get much of a break.  That’s all I have planned this year though.  And it will be the first time in well over a decade that I’ve not managed at least one holiday abroad during the year if I don’t do anything else.  It all just reminds again how suddenly and dramatically life has changed, even though, as you say, I did nothing to cause it.  It does make you feel just so helpless in all this. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

 

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