Author Topic: My Story My second thread: A new home  (Read 5679 times)

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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My Story Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #130 on: August 12, 2019, 02:01:28 PM »
Not to mention that there is a HUGE difference between not having your W there and not having the "Bug in the Edgar Suit" alien life form that looks like your W there....

That’s very true UM.  I still find myself catching a glimpse of W and finding it difficult to believe we were together for 14 years.  Now that time just seems all so unreal, like that was someone else’s life.  She seems like such a stranger to me now.

I know what you’re saying about the time.  I just hoped, i guess, that something might have changed.  It will be a year next week since I moved out.  I can’t believe that the last 12 months have gone by so quickly.  I like to think i’ve used those 12 months to begin moving on.  Perhaps I need to use the anniversary next week to focus on doing even more.  I took myself off on the train on Saturday to go and watch a football match.  I hadn’t done that in absolute years, and I quite enjoyed it. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #131 on: August 13, 2019, 01:51:44 AM »
Moon,

The first 12-18 months are usually spent just getting our feet under us, coming to terms with what has happened, getting into new routines with kids and such... We are talking about sheer survival here and NOT about "healing" and "Moving on."

The final court date for STBXW's D will be exactly 4 years and 5 days (but who's counting) since BD1.  Am I "moving on?" In some ways, yes but I am still healing as well and am a work in progress... THAT will take as long as it takes but that is also OK because it is what NEEDS to happen for my future happiness and peace.... Therefore, no expectations that, in a year after the D is done, I'll be skipping down the street or madly in love with someone or whatever. Life will unfold as it unfolds and people will come in and exit our lives. they are not ours to hold on to. Those that stay will do so by their own choice (and by ours allowing them to stay).

The moral of the story is to say that you are where you need to be at this point in your journey and it is all part of "the process." If you go back and look at some of your first posts, you will see how far you have come thus far.... 
Me - 56
STBXW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #132 on: August 22, 2019, 03:32:09 PM »
Thank you UM
Things seem to be going so quickly- it is a year today since I moved out! - and yet I wonder if I’ve moved on at all.  Perhaps I’m expecting too much of myself.  As you say I should just accept that I am where I need to be at this time. 

Anyway, for various particular reasons I’m thoroughly p***ed off with W today.  I won’t go into them here, because frankly it’s just typical selfish behaviour on her part, that’s upsetting others as well me, and she doesn’t seem to care.  But, I’ve now finished work for 10 days, and on Saturday I’m taking my two girls away on holiday!  Nothing fancy but I think we’ll all enjoy ourselves.  So, for the moment, I’m just looking forward to that.  Anything that happens the week after, well, i’ll just cross that bridge when I come to it. 

Thank you again UM.  I hope everything is ok with you. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #133 on: August 22, 2019, 04:12:55 PM »
Moon

It’s lovely to hear from you. Feel free to elaborate about W if you think it’ll help you, but yes I get the fact you might not want to think about it again. W won’t care as she’s in MLC and everything is about her and how she feels, who cares about anyone else as long as she is ‘happy’.

So it’s a year today, good for you that’s some achievement living like this for that long. You should be proud of yourself as this stuff is tough. Have you read back on your old threads? Maybe you’ll See growth in yourself that way? Having peace from the MLCer is a big thing do at least you have that in your own place. It’s so cataclysmic (as my IC said this week!) that it takes a long time to heal from it, don’t rush it you are doing good. Are you reading on here? I know you don’t post much but reading other stories helps so much. There was a good reconciliation thread recently you might like, let me know if you can’t find it and i’ll Send you the link.

Going away with your girls sounds totally ideal. That’s great you have planned that, it doesn’t matter where you go just getting away makes a big difference. Wish it was me!

Quote from: The Moon’s a balloon
So, for the moment, I’m just looking forward to that.  Anything that happens the week after, well, i’ll just cross that bridge when I come to it.

Yeah - this is perfect, you’ll go far thinking like that. A champions thought process.

Keep posting, I love your updates!
P.s. I thought I had replied about the football match but doesn’t look like I did - so glad you did it and enjoyed it

Rose 🌹

Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #134 on: September 02, 2019, 01:48:07 PM »
Hi Rose
Just back from my hols, so apologies for not posting sooner.  I was determined to spend as much time focusing on my girls and not stuck to my IPad.  We had a great time, and made some lovely memories- including just the three of us spending a morning on a beach building sandcastles- and D5 saying she really enjoyed playing with me.  They’ve gone back to W now.  I noticed today that the last of our wedding photos have come down in my old house, and what with not having the girls with me and going back to work tomorrow it’s left me feeling a little blue now. 

I can’t say I’ve read back through my old posts.  I may do, but I’m not sure I’m ready yet.  Things still feel too raw, like it was like week or last month.  I still find it a struggle to believe it’s been a year - a year and a half if you take it back to BD1.  I still sometimes catch myself thinking this must just be all a bad dream.  I just can’t help wonder either, the longer this goes on, the less likely reconciliation is.  I’m not reading on here as much as I used to, I’m afraid. But any reconciliation posts you can point out Rose, would be appreciated.

As to what W did, we agreed I’d have the girls the day before we went away, but she claimed that was only if needed (like I was a babysitter).  By that point I hadn’t seen them for four days, which was quite a stretch.  Then that evening, W FaceTimes me, so D5 can speak to me.  This is a quarter to 10, and D5 is in tears- obviously very tired, but saying she’s missing me.  You have to be cheerful for them, but it tears you inside it really does.  Anyway, I had them for the afternoon in the end, so at least we had lunch together.  It’s all just a grind though, just to stop missing out on my kids growing up. 

Anyway, I hope you are ok Rose.  Thank you for taking the time to post.  It is much appreciated (even if I don’t get back as quickly as I should).
Moon.
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #135 on: September 02, 2019, 03:42:06 PM »
Moon.

So you are a blue balloon tonight. Yuck. Glad you came on here, do it more often - but yes good for you not being on your iPad while away with your girls. It sounds like it was great fun.

I’m forgetting now what you’ve read but here’s shocks sis’s thread. She is a recovered mlcer (like what your W will be, hopefully, one day). She’s answered questions so it’s very interesting:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11029.0

Also did you read BBHelp’s thread? His W recovered a while ago. ‘Helpingme’s W still lives at home and is moving forward although his children are slightly older. Silver has children similar to your age and lives apart from his W, they are divorced now but in his country they divorce quite quickly so don’t let that get you down. It’s good to read a balance anyway.

Maybe the longer it goes on the closer you are to reconciliation...they need time apart and on their own so the more they get the better that is for them, that’s the way I look at it anyway. Not easy I know and must be heartbreaking missing your kids, don’t deal with this in your own it’s too tough.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline The Moon’s a balloonTopic starter

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Re: My second thread: A new home
« Reply #136 on: September 08, 2019, 02:16:39 PM »
Thanks Rose
I’ll read through those when I can.  I think I remember some of Shocksis’s earlier threads. 

Just a quick update from me.  it was W and mine’s wedding anniversary today.  I have to confess I hadn’t given it much thought.  Anyway W texted me this morning to see how I was.  She obviously was thinking about it, but said it made her feel weird thinking about the date.  Very strange, and she didn’t mention it when she dropped the girls off to me later that afternoon.  Anyway, she agreed to stop for dinner tomorrow evening when she picks the girls up again.  The girls will enjoy that. 

Another anniversary gone by though, with us being separated.  I suppose it’s to be expected.  Sad though.
Moon
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

 

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