[Nas]

I still contend that the Leaver hates that you remarried (as strange as it sounds - but we know his remarriage was most definitely not his idea and we know MLCers don't have the same view of marriage as normal people).
And because he is in real estate, he has access to every real estate transaction and I'm willing to bet he's watching your every move.  No doubt he has looked up exactly what you sold your house for, what you paid for the new one and whatever other info he could get.

My vanisher vanished again after I messaged him once I found out from Facebook that he put our dog to sleep.
His FB profile picture is still a picture of the dog's collar - the one I asked him to send me and he promised he would.  Eight weeks later, nothing, and I know he didn't forget.  I expected it from the beginning so at least I wasn't disappointed.

I didn't get a happy birthday from him 2 weeks after the dog died.  I didn't get a happy birthday the first year he lived with OW, then I got one last year (but it was a message from H 'from the dog.')
He's been pretty silent on social media.  He's got almost 30 less FB friends than he did a few months ago - I noticed that when I looked at his page for the first time to see what he posted about the dog. 

We went on vacation to the same place every year this week.  Yesterday there was a news story about the town we used to vacation in and he tweeted and commented on it.  Last year he tweeted during our vacation week because the semi-famous woman he flirts with on Twitter happened to be vacationing there. So it's just funny that every year something seems to come up that won't let him avoid thinking about that place during the very week we were always there.

[nah]

I still contend that the Leaver hates that you remarried (as strange as it sounds - but we know his remarriage was most definitely not his idea and we know MLCers don't have the same view of marriage as normal people).

Almost everyone who reads my stuff believes that The Leaver has deep regrets.

So why do so few believe that about their own spouses?

Mine is no different than the rest.

[Nas]

I still contend that the Leaver hates that you remarried (as strange as it sounds - but we know his remarriage was most definitely not his idea and we know MLCers don't have the same view of marriage as normal people).

Almost everyone who reads my stuff believes that The Leaver has deep regrets.

So why do so few believe that about their own spouses?

Mine is no different than the rest.

I don't believe it about my H because he's never expressed regret in any way.  He never finds excuses to contact me (and even changed his phone number) and he isn't watching anything I'm doing.  He doesn't monster.  He's not plastering his life all over social media to prove himself.  He's not doing anything, really, except living his new life as if the old one never existed. 

If he has regrets, it's that he knows he destroyed me financially, but he isn't about to do anything to fix that and that's why he avoids. 

[nah]

I don't believe it about my H because he's never expressed regret in any way.  He never finds excuses to contact me (and even changed his phone number) and he isn't watching anything I'm doing.  He doesn't monster.  He's not plastering his life all over social media to prove himself.  He's not doing anything, really, except living his new life as if the old one never existed. 

Oh Nas,...

You know I thought the same thing for a very long time. 

[stillbaffled]

Almost everyone who reads my stuff believes that The Leaver has deep regrets.

So why do so few believe that about their own spouses?

Mine is no different than the rest.

For me, it's the statement he said to you about waking up every morning sick to his stomach and feeling like he's living somebody else's life (or something very similar to that). 

[CallingHeart]

That's a great question, Nah.

I teeter between not believing he has deep regret (no words, certainly no actions, absolutely nothing to support how the vanisher thinks or feels. Mine has never been on FB or social media, so no clues there....)

The other side of the teeter/totter is a certain knowing that I feel he absolutely has regret (although somewhat shallow and probably self-centered) however, one day will regret deeply (when it's no longer "about him").  When he meets this deep regret, I'll know it because I'll hear from him.

Who knows though, but I do believe there is avoidance due to shame - and the shame is tied to regret.  Either that or he is just so utterly repulsed by me, hmmm. 

"My existence could be grotesque and incomprehensible to him" -- LOL.

[Ausgatorgirl]

My vanisher, through his lawyer has sent me divorce papers that say we mutually agree to the divorce. All stamped and I only have to sign in front of JP so they can electronically lodge and it will be over in 6-8 weeks. Although the outcome is the same, I want him to file solo so need some help in formulating some words. I found some of these words on CL.

My last chance to say anything.

“If H wanted us to “mutually agreed to end our marriage” then the reality would be that it was a joint decision from the start. Cheating is a unilateral act. In his own words “ive been sleeping with many, many, many women and I’ve fallen in love with two of them”.

I can’t stop H from ending our marriage after 34 years but I will not participate in the process. I believe the reason stated in his application should be his infidelity.

The right thing is often the hardest.  H has lost the love and respect of the people who loved him the most. He will never regain either of those things again. It will be years before he realizes how much he has lost, and what is really important in life.”

Any thoughts?

[Treasur]

Depends on the legal rules...would you have to contest his divorce and counter-sue?
And how important it is to you that the legal paperwork reflects the truth as usually the courts don't care and it may cost you money or time you don't want to spend?
I think a few folks here have chewed on this and it is really a very personal choice, so my only advice is to take your time, look at the options and decide what is best for you.
My h filed using ridiculous 'unreasonable behaviour' reasons which is common under Uk law. Actually they were full of projection...a vanisher saying I'd refused to talk to him about our m LOL, no mention of the woman he married 5 weeks after his divorce was final, lots of lies. I could have chosen to contest it or insist on a 2 or 5 year separation but decided it didn't serve me. I knew the truth, even he did actually, my L did, our friends did...no one else cared. So I responded via my L saying that i did not agree with the divorce, saw the reasons as being more about his infidelity LOL but would not contest it. For me, the reality was that I no longer had the husband I'd had and he wanted to divorce me in this s$itty way, so there was nothing worth contesting or investing money or time in.

[nah]

For me, I took charge and filed and picked “irreconcilable differences” bc it was quicker, easier and cheaper than Adultery.

I felt the divorce was just paperwork, the marriage was already dead.

[nah]

Almost everyone who reads my stuff believes that The Leaver has deep regrets.

So why do so few believe that about their own spouses?

Mine is no different than the rest.

For me, it's the statement he said to you about waking up every morning sick to his stomach and feeling like he's living somebody else's life (or something very similar to that).

Yes, those were his words.  BUT... that was after 4 years of nothing but silence with a few accusations sprinkled in... again, I feel any of our husbands could say those words, mine just slipped in the heat of an argument.