Author Topic: My Story Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage  (Read 2312 times)

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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My Story Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« on: August 07, 2018, 07:53:15 AM »
Has anyone seen “ revisiting the stages” on acceptance stage two? HB says that acceptance comes in three stages.  If they get spooked or fear to face their issues they go back to the tunnel and revisit the stages to close the doors. Have you seen this? Do you know what she means by that?
« Last Edit: September 24, 2018, 10:25:25 AM by OldPilot »

Offline Thunder

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2018, 08:30:54 AM »
I would imagine it means once they have gone through a stage, like Replay, they may try to go back to that stage but it won't feel the same, so they close the door on it for good.

The Replay won't hold the same excitement it did the first time.

Just my take on it.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online OldPilot

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2018, 09:05:29 AM »
Welcome to the Board

You are in a good place.
Your H/W  is on his/her own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H/W space  he/she needs to heal himself/herself.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H/W.

He/She has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H/W.
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC(rewritten from Jim Conway) located in the resources above.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4.msg380#msg380

Developing Detachment
http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

Keep posting and asking questions and we will try to answer them.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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Acceptance stage
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2018, 06:54:38 AM »
Anyone watching a MLC going thru acceptance stage? I’m curious about what revisiting stages look like.
If you have any information I would love to hear.

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2018, 09:58:04 AM »
There's a very old poster by the name of Patience who described the latter stages of her H's MLC in very fine detail that you should read and I remember her talking about this.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2018, 02:50:16 PM »
Hello and welcome,

HS does not use Acceptance as a stage. It also does not use anger or depression as stages.

RCR/HS stages are:

1 - Separation
     a) Rejection & Refusal
     b) Resentment
     c) Escape & Avoid (Covert Depression)
         High-Energy: Reply
         OR
         Low-Energy: Wallow
2 - Liminality or Liminal/Overt Depression
3 - Rebirth
4 - Reintegration
Aceeptance means they have accapted their deeds and crisis, it would have to come either at the end of Escape & Avoid, Liminality or Rebirth. Each person is different.

Those reconnecting or recociled are either seeing their MLCer accepting things or already saw (look for the light and dark purple icons). Those of us, like myself, who have a MLC, have been there. But acceptance may not look like how you think it would. It may be internal, it my show in actions. It does not have to be shown in words and anyone other than the MLCer may not even seen it.

Revisiting stages is something HB talked about, but, again, it may not have any particular look/we may not see much, if anything. Is a MLCer still in Replay or did they hit Liminality and went back to Replay for a while? Impossible to know until the MLCer leaves all Replay behaviour for good.

I doubt MLCers revisit Rebirth and they certainly do not revisit Reintegration. Reintegration is the new, fully formed out of crisis person.

What revisiting stages may look like is a person going back to a previous stage.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Acorn

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2018, 04:58:53 PM »
I think the main thing with my MLCer is that he is becoming more rational and less selfish as he continues to recover from MLC.  Can’t say that I have seen conclusive evidence where he is at, except when he was brooding and angry, and then went completely crazy (Replay).  After those stages (as described by HB), it is anyone’s guess what was happening with him.   All I know is that he got less crazy, less selfish and less juvenile.

I used to be rather busy lining up H’s words and actions with HB’s stages and trying to diagnose where he fitted in.  I gave that up as it kept my focus on him.
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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How do I find old post?
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2018, 10:12:22 AM »
I’m looking for a post from member named PATIENCE on final stages. Anything related to the Acceptance or revisiting stages.
Can anyone help me locate that post?
Thank you

Offline Thunder

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Re: How do I find old post?
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2018, 10:18:25 AM »
Go up where it says Members, next to logout, on top.  Click on Search Member, put their name in they will come up.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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What are the Replay behaviors?
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2018, 07:09:17 AM »
Can anyone explain what the replay behaviors are for a wallower at the end of replay as they are winding down?
My husband was a completely different man from 07/11-7/27. He was very attentive to me and said many times that he didn’t want me to be worried and stressed so he would tell me where he was going and with who without me asking him. He would call me and be available when I called then seemed to go backwards again in 08/03/18.... now I’m wondering what is happening.....
Any ideas?

 

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