Author Topic: My Story Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage  (Read 2311 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: What are the Replay behaviors?
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2018, 07:12:54 AM »
All I remember is a LOT of exhaustion towards the end.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline 9393roo

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Re: What are the Replay behaviors?
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2018, 08:49:03 AM »
I have been dealing with this for the past 6 months.  I have had a continuous cycle of cold and hot sometimes as much as hourly.  Step away and stop watching, all it will do is suck you in and make you dizzy. 
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline mitten

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Re: What are the Replay behaviors?
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2018, 11:54:17 AM »
I believe im dealing with a high energy MLCer so dont have much insight into the wallower type.  Im witnessing overt replay behaviours and monstering.  Also mine doesn’t seem to be anywhere near the end...still manic as ever. 

From what ive been reading near the end of the tunnel there is a lot more awareness and cycling and attempts to run back to Replay to avoid liminality.  However not as severe,  Im sure lots of others on here can give more insight.
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline Thunder

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Re: What are the Replay behaviors?
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2018, 12:12:48 PM »
LBS1,

I don't see a story thread for yourself.  Would you like to start one so we can know more about your story?

I'd be interested in knowing why you feel your H is a Wallower?
You can ask questions on your story thread too.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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Divorce filed
« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2018, 09:55:03 AM »
Have anyone ever seen MLC file for divorce after Replay? Have anyone seen divorce filing during withdrawal ( HB )?

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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My story - new to this
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2018, 01:34:47 PM »
I had no idea that my husband was in Midlife crisis. He would call me as soon as he got off work and would say, “ How’s my beautiful!? Do you know how happy I’m to hear your voice and know that I’m on my way home to you.” We cuddled in bed every night.

I used to wonder if other couple lived like this... then in March 07,2018 he told me that he was tired of being controlled by me, that he no longer knew who he was. That night he hugged me all night long. Then on March 11,2018 he left our home. I have two daughters and one son. My husband kept calling me for a whole month after he left our home , bought me a car and a new stove in the past 7 months.

 I have learned from hindsight that March/18 was not the first bomb drop, somewhere around 2015 he brought up divorce while we were having a fight about his job but he never left me. We worked things out and I didn’t know it was midlife crisis. He works in the car business and he works very long hours.

In June I discovered that he had been texting/ calling a female coworker daily. They seemed to talk all day and all night long. I filed for divorce in June 07 but later cancelled. He then became depressed and around July he was very concerned about how I felt, he would text me where he was going after work and say” I don’t want you to feel worried about me. He changed and was no longer the monster.

He said that he never thought our separation was forever and that all he ever wanted was reconciliation. He says he never had nothing with his coworkers except communication..🙄 During August he was coming over very often and spending a lot of time with my son. Then on 09/06 we got in a argument and he filed for divorce.

The day after he filed he started to call and text me several times per day but I never answered. On 09/14 he texted that he lost his grandma and I still didn’t reply.... that was the last time I heard from him. Today his grandma was buried . I was never served with divorce papers and I have no idea where he is in his MLC. All I know is that he was monster during April/May almost everyday, he repeated himself and hated me then. After I filed for divorce in June he became mild and calmer. He was no longer argumentative or vindictive. Now I have no idea what is happening in my life. Any tip/ideas/help would be great!
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 02:54:29 AM by Thunder »

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2018, 04:27:43 PM »
Lbs1

How have things been recently? Have you heard from him since his Grandma died? How are your children?

Isn’t this so difficult!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2018, 05:35:50 PM »
Rose,
The past two weeks we have been communicating often. Yesterday he told me that he cried the other day when he remembered that I brought coffee to him every morning while he was changing for work. He said he didn’t want the divorce, that he act out in anger and told me that closure isn’t coming for him. I’m seeing himself again not the distant monster that I have been dealing with for 7 months. When I asked him to explain why closure wasn’t coming for him, he said it was because he loves me and I couldn’t believe it!
What do you think about that?

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2018, 02:31:46 AM »
Lbs1

That must be lovely to hear. Enjoy it but best not to take any expectations forward from it. He seems mixed up which is hard on you, him filing for divorce in September and October saying he doesn’t want it. He’s not acting like an adult is he. But you are, and you need to. Rise above him if you can, whatever he says and does is that of a man in crisis and don’t let his crisis become your crisis.

It will be hard for him to explain his feelings so for you to stay strong, you are doing the right thing coming on here and asking. You need to leave him to his crisis and live for yourself and your children while he works through it.

His craziness will wreck you, try to detach from it and focus on yourself so you can heal from this. Do you get much time for yourself? Are you sleeping and eating ok?

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2018, 02:47:14 AM »
I've been reading some old threads from women who reconciled with their husbands over the last few days and there was something pointed out in those threads by other posters that jump out at me here.

This is still about him. He loves you because you brought him coffee. It's about what you did for HIM. There's no apologies, no remorse, for what he did to YOU. It doesn't mean he won't feel that later but I would proceed with caution. Just because they are acting nice doesn't mean they are doing it for you. Be friendly and respond graciously to his outreach, but be on guard. He's not done yet and he's not himself yet.

 

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