Poll

How Long does a Male Midlife Crisis lasts?

6 MONTHS
10 MONTHS
18 MONTHS
24 MONTHS
VARIES FROM 3-7 YEARS

Author Topic: My Story Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage  (Read 4276 times)

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #50 on: October 21, 2018, 10:18:48 AM »
Thunder
The biggest thing was he moving out of our home. He never really stopped coming home when he is not at work. Never said jen doesn’t love me. He says this is not about love but about him feeling like I don’t care for his opinions. He always deposit his entire paycheck in our joint account. He always yield to everyone and now is all about him. He went to a bar once that I know. He says that the coworker was a friend.... of course.... she is going thru a divorce and that they talked about his problems and her problems. I don’t know. They spent hours texting.... so I guess they weren’t in bed at least not at those times.
He texted me the whole morning today.  He was never rude to me or mean. But he left me... I think he changed because he was always caring, living and out everyone first. No way he thinks of himself. Isn’t 7 months too long for a identity crisis?
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #51 on: October 21, 2018, 10:40:28 AM »
Well that's a lot like a Wallower, except for him moving out right away.  Wallowers usually are nice but emotionally cold.

Did he change how he dresses, or take up working out, worry about his appearance all the time. 
Does he act like his emotions are turned off?  Act like a stranger?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #52 on: October 21, 2018, 10:48:15 AM »
Thunder
He didn’t change how he looks or dress. He doesn’t no take work out. He immersed himself at work. At the beginning he was distant from me but never mean. He was like a stranger from March until May. He is very emotional all the time right now. Talks about his feelings and memories. He was careless from March until May it didn’t matter what we said he ignored us. Got mad easily when we confronted him. But not since June when I filed the divorce he started to change back to who he was before... not all of it but much nicer and caring.
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #53 on: October 21, 2018, 11:02:14 AM »
Your H is quite the mystery.

Most turn very selfish, try to recapture their youth and change the way they dress and the music they listen too.  Find young friends and become very self-absorbed.

None of this fits your H.  Is the co-worker quite a bit younger than he is?

It's possible he is have some kind of Identity Crisis, but I'm not sure.
Show emotion?  Mine showed none.  He was nice but it was like he turned off his emotions.

Lbs, I guess only more time will tell what is wrong with him.  But so far..SO FAR..it doesn't seem to me he is in a crisis.  At least not that I can see.  That's just my opinion, for what it's worth.

Maybe just keep giving him space if he asks for it.  He may be working something out.
Be patient and friendly but take your own space too.  Do things with your friends and family, not just him.

Also what are your ages?
« Last Edit: October 21, 2018, 11:03:44 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #54 on: October 21, 2018, 11:15:32 AM »
I’m 43 he is 42. All his friends are around the same age maybe a little younger. The coworker is maybe a little younger but not that young. Maybe 35? She has 5 kids and is in the middle of a divorce. Anyway he cried many times in front of me. He asked me what does a man need to do to prove that he loves you? Is like he is punishing me. I don’t get it but I’m getting so tired of all this and starting to wonder if it will be possible to reconcile one day. Do you think it is possible to forgive all that he put us thru?
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #55 on: October 21, 2018, 11:22:52 AM »
Oh gosh yes.  Many LBS's have forgiven their spouse's.
I suppose it may be how much remorse they have, and how they try to fix things afterwards.

You H isn't close to that yet.  I hope he will be some day.

An actual crisis can last years.

Just a question, when he said.. He asked me what does a man need to do to prove that he loves you?
He was talking about you, right?
Hey, had to ask.   ::)
« Last Edit: October 21, 2018, 11:30:29 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #56 on: October 21, 2018, 11:27:23 AM »
Thunder

Yes! He asked me why I never believe him and I said,” because I never really felt loved by you.” So he asked me ,” what does a man need to do for you to believe that he loves you?”
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #57 on: October 21, 2018, 11:35:30 AM »
Oh ok.   :)

Sometimes you get a bit jaded after you've been here long enough.

Well so far all I can say is just be patient and see how things go with him.
In the mean time take good care of yourself.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 52
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #58 on: October 21, 2018, 08:32:16 PM »
Thunder
He texted me all morning, came over today and stayed until 6 pm. Texted me until 8:30 pm and asked me out to lunch Tuesday....
What do you think of that!?
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #59 on: October 22, 2018, 03:06:22 AM »
Lbs,

The decision to go with him, or spend time with him has to be your choice.  If you feel comfortable accepting his offer, than by all means go.  If you feel comfortable spending time with him, then do it.

I certainly did.  Why not, there was no ow.  If you're pretty sure he isn't in contact with anyone, then I sure don't see any reason not to.  But you do what you are comfortable with. 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.