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Author Topic: My Story Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage  (Read 4911 times)

Offline Lbs1Topic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #60 on: October 22, 2018, 07:32:50 AM »
Thunder
Can he be in replay and be that nice to me?
Yesterday we played this guessing game all day. I have all the little things he ever gave me like my wedding ring gift wrap. He bought for me as a Christmas gift the year after our wedding. We only had a silver band when we got married, so I kept the wrap. So yesterday I took a picture of it and I said, what did you have me on this wrap? He couldn’t believe I still had it. Then he asked me to play more guessing game all day.
Anyway he was extremely sweet yesterday and I know it could be a bait but he been very nice since sept 28. Could he still be in replay? I’m starting to think this wasn’t a midlife crisis but like you said maybe a identity crisis. How do I know?
There is hope if there is Love!

Offline Thunder

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #61 on: October 22, 2018, 07:47:58 AM »
I wouldn't question it too much, just enjoy that you two are getting along, having some fun and try to relax.  No overanalyzing it.

Your H, if anything is a Low Energy Wallower, IF he is in crisis.  They aren't usually mean or abusive.
I honestly don't think they really do replay.  They can have replay activities, like running or working out, but replayers are usually running, acting crazy, spending money, having affairs, stuff like that.

Just see how long this lasts.  He's enjoying his time with you, that's a good thing. 
It's a positive.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Lbs1Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #62 on: November 01, 2018, 02:58:01 PM »
Thunder!
So much has happened since we spoke. My H had contacted me nonstop. We went out for lunch, and out with kids last Sunday. He calls me almost daily and text me almost daily. Last Sunday he told me that he hopes to keep coming over more and more until he is not gone anymore.....
The problem is he is still “all about him” and believes that our problem is communication. He doesn’t see that what he is doing is wrong.... so where that heck is he at in his crisis? Or is it even a midlife crisis? He claims that he never cheated on me, said that he loves me, and that he misses me the other day, but when I asked him why isn’t he home, he said it is all about me and how I ignore his needs... any idea what am I dealing with here? Please help
There is hope if there is Love!

Online islandgirl68

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #63 on: November 01, 2018, 06:22:03 PM »
The problem is he is still “all about him” and believes that our problem is communication. He doesn’t see that what he is doing is wrong.... so where that heck is he at in his crisis? Or is it even a midlife crisis? He claims that he never cheated on me, said that he loves me, and that he misses me the other day, but when I asked him why isn’t he home, he said it is all about me and how I ignore his needs... any idea what am I dealing with here? Please help

It sounds to me like your H is still deep in his crisis. I don't use much of the terminology or nor do I stage watch. If your H still does not believe he contributes to the 'problem' then he is still stuck.

My H is the same, started to admit maybe he was a part of the problem and then bam denial. What you have is a super-clinger. My H went thru a similar period where he was trying to hyper-connect to me.... constant contact, attention, affection... This went on for 2 months before H burned out and withdrew. It was unsustainable because he never faced his issues.

My situation is a little different because my H is home, but when he withdraws he turns into a wallower and he might as well be gone. No interaction with me, its like I'm a ghost.  :-\ But my H is really clingy. Any sign I'm moving on or pulling away and he's following me around like a lost puppy. We cycle a lot where H pulls away and switches and turns towards me.

I found the best thing to do is to stop cycling with him and do what is best for me. Its hard not to get sucked in, but with time it gets easier. As long as your not letting your H's clinginess affect your healing I say go with the flow.
Me: 34
H: 37
S18; D11; D9; D5
Together 19 years, Married for 3
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
BD: 4/10/2018 (EA same OW)
H is still as lost as ever

Offline Thunder

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #64 on: November 01, 2018, 07:23:29 PM »
LBs,

It's still all about him.  As long as he is still blaming you he's still not ready to face the truth.
Just ignore what he is saying, he's still baking.

He has a ways to go.  Don't let him fool you.
Trust me, you don't want him home yet.  He won't stay.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online OldPilot

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #65 on: November 02, 2018, 11:23:50 AM »
If you were to read everything that I posted in my first year of MLC,
you would see that I was convinced that my ex had gone through every STAGE of MLC and
that we would reconcile any day now.

That was 10 years ago.

It did not stop her MLC nor did it stop her from getting divorced from me.

Have you read low energy wallower thread?

My suggestion is to not concentrate too much on his behavior as it seems to be all over the lot.

Also this advice is try to not put your children in the middle of your relationship with your husband.
That will not be good for you or for them.
They need to make their own relationships  with both of you and not have to take sides.

Offline Lbs1Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #66 on: December 05, 2018, 04:01:27 PM »
I would like to get a mentor, how does that work? Can anyone help me? Im losing my marbles.
There is hope if there is Love!

Online islandgirl68

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #67 on: December 05, 2018, 04:27:52 PM »
You can put your name down in the mentor thread at the top of the page  :)

Oops, there used to be a request a mentor thread, where'd it go?
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 04:29:35 PM by islandgirl68 »
Me: 34
H: 37
S18; D11; D9; D5
Together 19 years, Married for 3
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
BD: 4/10/2018 (EA same OW)
H is still as lost as ever

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #68 on: December 06, 2018, 04:14:55 AM »
LBS

Good on you, a mentor is a great idea.

Try this link https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8918.110

But keep posting here anyway, what’s happening now? It’s so difficult isn’t it.

Sending strength
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Lbs1Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Acceptance stage two- revisiting stage
« Reply #69 on: December 06, 2018, 07:22:39 AM »
Rose,
It is so very hard. I have days that I just want to give up and move on from all of it.  It has been 9 months since my husband left the house but I believe he had been in replay for at least a year before that. He was completely different and had talked about divorce during a small fight. For few years he was completely distant and withdrawn, he just wasn’t himself. I always suspected depression but did nothing to help him. Now I can’t help but feel guilty and like a failure. It’s been a week since we talked. He never really went away from us in fact last week he said he loved me and wanted to reconcile then everything went backwards again. I’m going crazy
There is hope if there is Love!

 

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