Author Topic: My Story We now return to our regularly scheduled program...  (Read 3334 times)

Offline KittyTopic starter

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My Story Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #120 on: October 12, 2018, 01:41:54 PM »
Hi Thunder, Morte, and Sam

I've got a few months to decide how I want to do this. I don't want to merge completely again, it bit me in the ass, and it's not really something I will feel comfortable with until Grumpy is out of Replay. At least his spending is about the same as it was pre-MLC.
Me 38; H 42
Together 21 years; married 12
No kids, no pets
BD - Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #121 on: October 12, 2018, 06:43:06 PM »
Kitty
You have time to see how it goes. Good you are not rushing back in to anything.
Alot will happen in 3 months of MLC. You already know that. 
Morte, How you butter the bread??? Ha
 

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #122 on: October 13, 2018, 09:52:54 AM »
Tell me I'm wrong... 8)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #123 on: October 13, 2018, 11:33:14 PM »
Need a bit of advice.

Grumpy said I could look at hos phone whenever I wanted. So when I got up at 2 this morning I took a gander through it. I see that he called OW Thursday morning on his way to work.

I immediately wanted to go back to my place. But I figure that is just me reacting. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should handle it?

Is there a boundary you can set for this type of thing while they’re in Replay?
Me 38; H 42
Together 21 years; married 12
No kids, no pets
BD - Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.

Offline Thunder

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #124 on: October 14, 2018, 05:00:14 AM »
Kitty, I would just wait and see if he does it again.  You never know why he called her.  Maybe it was to say he is getting back with you, stopped the D and not to call him anymore. You never know.

Personally, if he calls her again I would say something because he did say you could look at his phone anytime you want.  So you're not snooping.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #125 on: October 26, 2018, 08:35:03 PM »
What did you decide to do Kitty?  Did you confront him about it?
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back
1 year later no signs of anyone new - workaholic


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline KittyTopic starter

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #126 on: November 01, 2018, 09:32:36 AM »
Hi everyone!

It's been a couple weeks since I posted so I thought I would do an update.

It's been just over a year since BD. Grumpy is acting more like he use to prior to BD with the exception of continued messaging with OW. I have decided to leave it alone for now after re-reading HB's articles and also talking to Sam, who read on other threads that the spouse will still contact the OP even while reconnecting.  I know he is still in replay, and therefore I can't set boundaries against contact with OW, so for now I'll let him keep his "secret".

Being served and just scratching the surface of D proceedings seems to have flipped a switch in me. I interact with Grumpy, but I feel like I'm watching from the outside. Like I'm going through the motions, but I'm keeping my emotions locked out. I guess you would call it being guarded, or maybe detached. I don't know. Whatever it is, it allows me to listen to him, and be with him, without wanting to fix him, or pressure him, or really do anything, except let him finish baking.

I feel like he has made slight progress, he has owned up to someone besides me for the things he has done. He has told me that we were never broken, that he perceived things as being worse than they are and he made bad decisions because of it. He has had his lawyer send a stipulation of discontinuance to mine which has been signed and sent back to his. I don't know if he's had his lawyer do anything with it or not. He's started buying materials to complete the apartment above the garage so that we can have a separate living space from his parents.

One thing I thought was kind of big was him admitting to me that he was angry at me. He told me that he didn't understand why, but he would get angry at me and those were the times when he wouldn't contact me. He would push me away, even though he didn't know why. I know it doesn't change what's going on now, but I thought it was good for him to admit he was angry at something. Especially since in the past he tried blaming bouts of anger on his medication.

Does it make a difference right now...I don't think so. As I said, I think he's still in Replay. So I know that there isn't anything I can really do at this point except listen, and hope that one day he will look back on some of the things he's told me and think to himself, "wow, I can't believe I said that to her."

As for me I've made progress with myself. Despite Grumpy's comings and goings, I've found myself feeling peaceful the last couple weeks. I know that what's happening with him now has nothing to do with me, and that I can't take anything he says or does personally. So I go about my day, every so often I will visit my friend who knows what's going on, I take care of me and my needs and I let Grumpy take care of his own.
Me 38; H 42
Together 21 years; married 12
No kids, no pets
BD - Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.

Offline Thunder

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #127 on: November 01, 2018, 09:50:14 AM »
That sounds like a good plan, Kitty. 

Keep doing your own thing.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FearNot

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #128 on: November 01, 2018, 01:01:47 PM »
Hey Kitty,

Glad to read your update and that you are doing alright and things are progressing albeit slowly! It's crazy how fast the time has gone! Take care of you!
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online hopeandfaith

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Re: We now return to our regularly scheduled program...
« Reply #129 on: November 01, 2018, 07:54:56 PM »
You are sounding good and peaceful Kitty.  Your H is a lucky dude :)
BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D19, D16 and S15

 

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