[in it]

LMAO!

That's exactly it! These are grown people, who apparently don't want to act like it. And that does not mean you have to try to "be there" or fix it for them. Fear or respect,  whatever works.

[Treasur]

I went no contact right after bd. It's been 4 years. I like my life now. I dont worry about him at all. My kids know not to speak of him in my presence. Every once in a while he peeks his head out or reaches out to me via email. He doesnt have my cell number. If he asks a question I sometimes answer but most of the time I dont. I just can't handle this situation with any contact.

Good on you.
Looking back, I wish i had done the same. At least for a couple of months to catch my breath.
Don't think it would have made any difference to his path but it might have made a big difference to mine.

Are you divorced, em? How did you hand,d that, the financials or kid visitation with very limited contact? Bc some folks reading this might find ideas on that helpful?

[in it]

Yes em.. did NC afford you the time you needed to heal some then get your head on straight in order to deal with any legalities etc?

In hindsight Treasur I believe the same way and I'm glad you put it in words. I would have benefited greatly by NC right after BD and D  in 2010 - 2011. My life may have been totally different had I just stopped all contact. Certainly would have done a whole lot less damage to myself that way.

I do believe that's true NC isn't going to effect these MLcers one way or another on their "journey". It would however be very wise of us to protect ourselves from them and whatever their problem is.

[em5731]

Yes. I'm divorced since june 2018. I dont think he cares either way if i talk to him. He shows no signs of caring about my 11 year old daughter. No contact was my only I could cope with this mess. And I think the same goes for my daughter. 

[in it]

So anyone reading this? There you have it. Em went NC to protect herself, and he still is in some kind of contact with her from time to time.

Strong, smart, wise woman you are em. You kept your dignity and self respect. You are a wonderful example for your daughter as to what to do if this ever (God forbid) happens to her.

[em5731]

In it.

Thank you for the compliment. Its nice to hear. I dont always feel good about how I handled things. But I will never be his 2nd choice. Easier to stay away.

[in it]

You are welcome. Yep I have said quite a few times. If there is someone else in the picture, you take yourself out.
I'm sure you handled things just fine. Nothing to feel any guilt or any other negative emotion about.

[Whyus]

But I will never be his 2nd choice. Easier to stay away.
Yes, exactly yes!!!

[Penelope2018]

I'm trying to follow this. Been trying for a year now. The longest I've made it was two months but I spoke to him one more time after I found out he got remarried and I think that will be the last time. I don't have any respect for their marriage but speaking to him sets me back. It doesn't give any relief but more anxiety especially seeing as he hasn't changed for the better at all since BD. Not one move forward, in fact, I'd say he's gotten angrier and meaner. No idea how OW deals with him. It's all still I, I, I and me, me, me. Oh, punching bag picked up the phone? Let's throw as many hits as possible!

I was reading Anon's thread and her ex reminded me of mine. Minimizing the damage they've done to you, acting like it's nothing and you should be over it. Pretending they're on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous but still feel the need to call or text you endlessly. Gives you a false sense of hope when really these clowns just seem to get some kind sick, twisted pleasure out of playing games with you. It messes with your mind because you want to think they care when really it seems more logical that they just pity you atm and are probably even laughing at you because they know you still have feelings for them. Then you feel self-hatred, or at least I do, for giving two ***** about them. Mine's a master manipulator. He STILL has a picture of us up as his FB profile and he's MARRIED to the OW! Why? I know he doesn't care about me, so why? Game player. Better to just let them be and if thinking their lives are terrible and they're unhappy helps you move forward, THINK THAT. Doesn't matter anyway. Nutjob might be happy when he's with OW but that problem he's desperately trying to run away from (his parents' high expectations and rejections) will have definitely only gotten worse. Now his whole family looks at him like he's beneath them. Enjoy! Let OW be his sounding board now.

[in it]

That's the whole thing.
You talking to him just sets YOU back. Upsets YOU.
You do not need to continue to do that.
If you feel worse after talking to someone than better...they gotta go.
It is not required of anyone to put themselves through an emotional wringer over this.
Cut them loose , drop the rope, let go.

So you just  have to stop doing it.This is about you, not them.