Author Topic: My Story The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.  (Read 5107 times)

Offline nahTopic starter

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My Story The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« on: October 06, 2018, 12:14:32 PM »
Old thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10360.0

Can you believe the first 47 years of my life, there was nothing to talk about??.... ;D ;D

Married, only been with one man.  Kids, one of each, both living at home.  Mom downstairs.  Holidays, cook-outs, Girl Scouts, dance classes and hockey practice, school, homework, you know the drill.... yawn.

Then he left.

Again, you know the drill, let's go to today.

I'm a thousand miles away, new job, new husband, new life.

The Leaver married his affair partner, I should be completely out of their lives.

Or am I?

Anjae asked me on another thread why I'm still thinking about The Leaver, I mean, I'm married now.  I can't help it.  We will forever be connected.  He was my first love, my only love for thirty fire trucking years.  We had two children, raised them together, connections of friends and family, countless people, so many I only give examples here.

My son looks so much like his father, those eyes, not the shark eyes, the normal eyes.  Wow.... it's uncanny.  How they hold themselves, talk, smile, expressions, they look so much alike sometimes I feel like I'm actually talking to my 25-yr-old husband.  My daughter looks, holds herself, and talks like me.  Not too long ago she dyed her hair my color and The Leaver said to our shared hairdresser that she looks "pretty like Nah".  I can't imagine what it must be like to be the Mrs-tress, I know I wouldn't want a ghost like me in the background.... forever.  No matter how far I travel, my ghost is always there.

So when I got married, The Leaver told the hairdresser details less than 48 hours after the wedding.  It was a spontaneous wedding, so it's not like he had months or even days to get the news.  Somebody is watching, somebody is talking.

We haven't talked directly in over a year.

BUT... he knows I'm married, that I work and live in Illinois, that I bought TWO houses.

Heck he tried to visit my son who lives in one of those houses just this week but saw my husband and hightailed it out of there, almost causing an accident...lol. I'm all over that house, my furniture that I refinished, paintings that I painted, plants that I have transplanted from our first house, our old dishes, pot and pans, etc.  Besides that my house that my husband and I are living in is five minutes down the road. yet, The Leaver is visiting just a few weeks after I purchased it, without the wife in tow.

When we had our houses inspected, the guy was a former co-worker of The Leaver and gave my husband an earful.  I'm sure the Mrs-tress puts up with that sort of thing on a daily basis.  Even if the rumors are lies, it doesn't matter, she still has to listen about Nah, Nah, Nah.... all the fire trucking time.

First band told me multiple times there was constant drama, fighting about me.  I knew the bass player even before I knew The Leaver, since 1982, the guitarist was married to my sister's best friend. Band wives got in their faces, The Leaver had to protect his damsel in distress, but they would often fight with each other, because it was all so exhausting. 

Band number two.  I didn't know them.  BUT.... one of my very good friends did.  The lead singer had a special needs daughter that my friend worked with.  I'm sure there were other's that I didn't even know about.  That happens with us.

Band number three.  The "canoe-gate" gang.  Some went to high school with The Leaver, some went to high school with me.  Peggy is the queen sh!t stirrer.  I can't even imagine the drama.  They are dying to pull me back in.  I'm sure the Mrs-tress is dying for everybody to forget about me.  Nope.  Not happening.

Oh.... well, bands are friends, and family is family but maybe the Mrs-tress can get away from me at work, right?

Wrong.

The scrap yard where they met, The owner was best friends with my brother's boss.  Long time Nah family in the business, it was how The Leaver got the damn job years ago.

Okay, well, she can get another job at another scrap company, she can get away from the ugly gossip there, right?

wrong,...lol

My new husband just rented a garage to keep his cars from a high school friend (also my high school friend).  This guy says he also does daily business at a scrap yard.... guess which one? 
BTW... the garage guy has a boss, that happens to be one of The Leavers best friends, oh who has a mother that happens to bowl and went to high school with my mother and they have been friends for 75 fire trucking years...lol. This guy said, Yeah, I knew he was Nah's ex-husband and the new wife was really young.  My husband said, well, you know they cheated on Nah.  Well, thanks to my husband, anybody who didn't know, sure knows now... lol
 
I'm so glad I can laugh at this stuff now.

For some reason, I don't think The Leaver and his mrs-tress thinks the gossipers are as funny as I do.  ;D




« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 12:23:29 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2018, 01:20:03 PM »
Following, Nah, wouldn't miss your threads!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2018, 01:27:46 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Nah.

As for the guy who sent 3 messages in such a short time he wants something and it is not to just say hi. If it is to flirt or to fish for info or both, I don't know.

Not sure I would still be thinking that much about Mr J if  was in a new marriage (I don't think about him that much even without a new marriage). I think I would be thinking about my new husband and love.

I understand that there will always be a connection and that you have children, but thinking so much about a previous spouse while in a new marriage? Don't think so.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2018, 02:51:54 PM »

Not sure I would still be thinking that much about Mr J if  was in a new marriage (I don't think about him that much even without a new marriage). I think I would be thinking about my new husband and love.

Maybe not, I guess we're all different with different circumstances.

How many times a day do you type "Mr J", isn't that thinking of him?  That doesn't mean we want them back, just that they are sometimes in our thoughts. 

I can't deny that I think of Mr. Nah, I do, every day.  Like I said, when I look at my son it's difficult not to see his father.  When I write on this forum, I talk about MLC b/c, well, I had a front row seat.

Thirty years is a long time, Anjae, I'm only 52, so thirty years was more than half of my life.  Some people prefer to forget, or it just happens, but I can't forget The Leaver, just like I can't forget my daughter.  They both will always be a piece of me.

Now that doesn't mean I spend every waking hour yapping on and on about The Leaver and my daughter.  I have a full life, a new job, properties, travel, adventures with my new husband.  I married my current husband because he fits who I am now, we have so much in common, including past heartbreak(s).  We both feel strongly about communication, something that I lacked in my previous relationship, so if I'm being triggered for some reason, I don't bottle it up, we talk about it.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2018, 02:53:38 PM »
Following, Nah, wouldn't miss your threads!

Thanks for joining Milly :D
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2018, 03:16:16 PM »

Thirty years is a long time, Anjae, I'm only 52, so thirty years was more than half of my life.  Some people prefer to forget, or it just happens, but I can't forget The Leaver, just like I can't forget my daughter.  They both will always be a piece of me.


Couldn't agree more Nah....many LBS's force themselves to forget in order to move on....apparently this is the LBS script.....but isn't this the same action as many Mlcers fail miserably at?  It is what it is! No one has  control of their feelings.

As you said we are all different (with different personality traits) and we all have different circumstances.  IMO when you have children it is a totally different scenario....why would anyone want to erase someone's memory from their families lives?  That sounds very cowardly and mentally unwell in my opinion.

Love your threads Nah...
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 03:17:48 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2018, 03:28:50 PM »
Attaching, as usual.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2018, 03:33:11 PM »

Couldn't agree more Nah....many LBS's force themselves to forget in order to move on....apparently this is the LBS script....

I tried this for a long time and failed miserably.  Then I realized forgetting and accepting are not the same. 
I can remember AND accept AND move on.

Attaching, as usual.   :)

Wouldn't be the same without you. 
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2018, 06:24:46 PM »
No, it is just typing, a mechanical action. It does not bring thought/emotion.

I used to think, really think, about Mr J for a long time. The first thing I used to think about when I woke up, grandmother aside when she was still alive, was Mr J. That ended. I don't know why it idid, but it it. I also don't think about grandma when I wake up anyomre. Now it is mostly "it is such a beautiful day". Or "it is cloudy".

20 years in a long time when you were 37 when the MLCer left. If Mr J wouldn't had left it would be more than 30 years together before 50. I only had one serious boyfriend before Mr J and it didn't last long. My only long term relationship as an adult was Mr J.

In my case it was not forcing to forget. It come naturally over time. But I can understand some LBS "force" themselves to forget to move on. And others may simply put it all aside and move on.

Agree that when there are children things are different.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2018, 06:48:48 PM »


I can remember AND accept AND move on.


That within itself, displays a character of intrigity, courage and strength!
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 06:50:49 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

 

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