Author Topic: My Story The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.  (Read 4412 times)

Online nahTopic starter

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My Story The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« on: October 06, 2018, 12:14:32 PM »
Old thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10360.0

Can you believe the first 47 years of my life, there was nothing to talk about??.... ;D ;D

Married, only been with one man.  Kids, one of each, both living at home.  Mom downstairs.  Holidays, cook-outs, Girl Scouts, dance classes and hockey practice, school, homework, you know the drill.... yawn.

Then he left.

Again, you know the drill, let's go to today.

I'm a thousand miles away, new job, new husband, new life.

The Leaver married his affair partner, I should be completely out of their lives.

Or am I?

Anjae asked me on another thread why I'm still thinking about The Leaver, I mean, I'm married now.  I can't help it.  We will forever be connected.  He was my first love, my only love for thirty fire trucking years.  We had two children, raised them together, connections of friends and family, countless people, so many I only give examples here.

My son looks so much like his father, those eyes, not the shark eyes, the normal eyes.  Wow.... it's uncanny.  How they hold themselves, talk, smile, expressions, they look so much alike sometimes I feel like I'm actually talking to my 25-yr-old husband.  My daughter looks, holds herself, and talks like me.  Not too long ago she dyed her hair my color and The Leaver said to our shared hairdresser that she looks "pretty like Nah".  I can't imagine what it must be like to be the Mrs-tress, I know I wouldn't want a ghost like me in the background.... forever.  No matter how far I travel, my ghost is always there.

So when I got married, The Leaver told the hairdresser details less than 48 hours after the wedding.  It was a spontaneous wedding, so it's not like he had months or even days to get the news.  Somebody is watching, somebody is talking.

We haven't talked directly in over a year.

BUT... he knows I'm married, that I work and live in Illinois, that I bought TWO houses.

Heck he tried to visit my son who lives in one of those houses just this week but saw my husband and hightailed it out of there, almost causing an accident...lol. I'm all over that house, my furniture that I refinished, paintings that I painted, plants that I have transplanted from our first house, our old dishes, pot and pans, etc.  Besides that my house that my husband and I are living in is five minutes down the road. yet, The Leaver is visiting just a few weeks after I purchased it, without the wife in tow.

When we had our houses inspected, the guy was a former co-worker of The Leaver and gave my husband an earful.  I'm sure the Mrs-tress puts up with that sort of thing on a daily basis.  Even if the rumors are lies, it doesn't matter, she still has to listen about Nah, Nah, Nah.... all the fire trucking time.

First band told me multiple times there was constant drama, fighting about me.  I knew the bass player even before I knew The Leaver, since 1982, the guitarist was married to my sister's best friend. Band wives got in their faces, The Leaver had to protect his damsel in distress, but they would often fight with each other, because it was all so exhausting. 

Band number two.  I didn't know them.  BUT.... one of my very good friends did.  The lead singer had a special needs daughter that my friend worked with.  I'm sure there were other's that I didn't even know about.  That happens with us.

Band number three.  The "canoe-gate" gang.  Some went to high school with The Leaver, some went to high school with me.  Peggy is the queen sh!t stirrer.  I can't even imagine the drama.  They are dying to pull me back in.  I'm sure the Mrs-tress is dying for everybody to forget about me.  Nope.  Not happening.

Oh.... well, bands are friends, and family is family but maybe the Mrs-tress can get away from me at work, right?

Wrong.

The scrap yard where they met, The owner was best friends with my brother's boss.  Long time Nah family in the business, it was how The Leaver got the damn job years ago.

Okay, well, she can get another job at another scrap company, she can get away from the ugly gossip there, right?

wrong,...lol

My new husband just rented a garage to keep his cars from a high school friend (also my high school friend).  This guy says he also does daily business at a scrap yard.... guess which one? 
BTW... the garage guy has a boss, that happens to be one of The Leavers best friends, oh who has a mother that happens to bowl and went to high school with my mother and they have been friends for 75 fire trucking years...lol. This guy said, Yeah, I knew he was Nah's ex-husband and the new wife was really young.  My husband said, well, you know they cheated on Nah.  Well, thanks to my husband, anybody who didn't know, sure knows now... lol
 
I'm so glad I can laugh at this stuff now.

For some reason, I don't think The Leaver and his mrs-tress thinks the gossipers are as funny as I do.  ;D




« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 12:23:29 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2018, 01:20:03 PM »
Following, Nah, wouldn't miss your threads!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2018, 01:27:46 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Nah.

As for the guy who sent 3 messages in such a short time he wants something and it is not to just say hi. If it is to flirt or to fish for info or both, I don't know.

Not sure I would still be thinking that much about Mr J if  was in a new marriage (I don't think about him that much even without a new marriage). I think I would be thinking about my new husband and love.

I understand that there will always be a connection and that you have children, but thinking so much about a previous spouse while in a new marriage? Don't think so.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2018, 02:51:54 PM »

Not sure I would still be thinking that much about Mr J if  was in a new marriage (I don't think about him that much even without a new marriage). I think I would be thinking about my new husband and love.

Maybe not, I guess we're all different with different circumstances.

How many times a day do you type "Mr J", isn't that thinking of him?  That doesn't mean we want them back, just that they are sometimes in our thoughts. 

I can't deny that I think of Mr. Nah, I do, every day.  Like I said, when I look at my son it's difficult not to see his father.  When I write on this forum, I talk about MLC b/c, well, I had a front row seat.

Thirty years is a long time, Anjae, I'm only 52, so thirty years was more than half of my life.  Some people prefer to forget, or it just happens, but I can't forget The Leaver, just like I can't forget my daughter.  They both will always be a piece of me.

Now that doesn't mean I spend every waking hour yapping on and on about The Leaver and my daughter.  I have a full life, a new job, properties, travel, adventures with my new husband.  I married my current husband because he fits who I am now, we have so much in common, including past heartbreak(s).  We both feel strongly about communication, something that I lacked in my previous relationship, so if I'm being triggered for some reason, I don't bottle it up, we talk about it.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2018, 02:53:38 PM »
Following, Nah, wouldn't miss your threads!

Thanks for joining Milly :D
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2018, 03:16:16 PM »

Thirty years is a long time, Anjae, I'm only 52, so thirty years was more than half of my life.  Some people prefer to forget, or it just happens, but I can't forget The Leaver, just like I can't forget my daughter.  They both will always be a piece of me.


Couldn't agree more Nah....many LBS's force themselves to forget in order to move on....apparently this is the LBS script.....but isn't this the same action as many Mlcers fail miserably at?  It is what it is! No one has  control of their feelings.

As you said we are all different (with different personality traits) and we all have different circumstances.  IMO when you have children it is a totally different scenario....why would anyone want to erase someone's memory from their families lives?  That sounds very cowardly and mentally unwell in my opinion.

Love your threads Nah...
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 03:17:48 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2018, 03:28:50 PM »
Attaching, as usual.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2018, 03:33:11 PM »

Couldn't agree more Nah....many LBS's force themselves to forget in order to move on....apparently this is the LBS script....

I tried this for a long time and failed miserably.  Then I realized forgetting and accepting are not the same. 
I can remember AND accept AND move on.

Attaching, as usual.   :)

Wouldn't be the same without you. 
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2018, 06:24:46 PM »
No, it is just typing, a mechanical action. It does not bring thought/emotion.

I used to think, really think, about Mr J for a long time. The first thing I used to think about when I woke up, grandmother aside when she was still alive, was Mr J. That ended. I don't know why it idid, but it it. I also don't think about grandma when I wake up anyomre. Now it is mostly "it is such a beautiful day". Or "it is cloudy".

20 years in a long time when you were 37 when the MLCer left. If Mr J wouldn't had left it would be more than 30 years together before 50. I only had one serious boyfriend before Mr J and it didn't last long. My only long term relationship as an adult was Mr J.

In my case it was not forcing to forget. It come naturally over time. But I can understand some LBS "force" themselves to forget to move on. And others may simply put it all aside and move on.

Agree that when there are children things are different.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2018, 06:48:48 PM »


I can remember AND accept AND move on.


That within itself, displays a character of intrigity, courage and strength!
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 06:50:49 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2018, 07:16:44 PM »
 Coming along Nah.

I am pretty sure I still think about LB everyday. It is not a constant, overwhelming, obsessive thinking anymore. More of a wistful remembering... and, of course, there are  days he flies in and poops all over us and takes off again. He gets more headspace on those days.

I often wonder if I am a constant ghost in LB’s life or if I have been completely erased from the narrative.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2018, 07:46:57 PM »

... and, of course, there are  days he flies in and poops all over us and takes off again. He gets more headspace on those days.


Oh DF I soooooo resonate with this....love your description 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Shelly7435

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2018, 07:52:22 PM »
Following along!
M 52
H 47
M 12 years; together 17 years
D17, S27
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2018, 12:19:19 AM »
I can remember AND accept AND move on.
^^^^^That. Right there. No harm, no foul in remembering.  The memories are ours, no one gets to rewrite them or take them away. I don't know about anyone else, but I have fond memories I don't want to forget, even if my MLCER does.

There is a major difference between obsessing and remembering.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online Rippedapart

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2018, 03:20:23 AM »
Tagging along.

I totally agree with Nah and Bren  .  I never want to forger my H or m.  Too many happy years.  I have accepted my situation, I love my H, always will, I have no ill feelings towards him I am sad for him...He has said to me he has f...d  up his marriage and his life. 

He will always have a place in my heart...a huge place, my children have the rest.  I would hate to be in his shoes, we all have regrets about parts of our lives, I would like to think we all learned from them, its cslled maturity , but our mlcers look sad, broken and tormented.....all due to regrets I believe.

Ripped.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2018, 06:03:37 AM »
Along for the next installment, Nah.

What's the status on the book?!   :)
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2018, 06:20:14 AM »
Along for the next installment, Nah.

What's the status on the book?!   :)

Funny you should ask....

Last week I did my final front to back last time read, and sent to the editor “I’m done”, so she could do the final polish. Up until now, it was separated by chapters in the writing program and she polished up the fonts and put it together as one book. After all these years of me working on it, it was so exciting to see it as a real book (as an e-book for now but still, it was exciting)

But wait a minute...

One of my last changes wasn’t there.  So I checked a typo that I remembered fixing, that wasn’t fixed either. Ugh!!! She polished the wrong version. She admitted that she didn’t see some glitch in the system that didn’t upload my final version.

So now she needs another week to start over with the correct version

I guess for a project that I’ve been working on for 5 years, one week isn’t going to be a big deal. It’s just I’m getting really anxious to see this to the end.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2018, 08:03:16 AM »
Following along Nah.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2018, 01:06:46 PM »
Wainting one more week for five years work isn't much. It will all be well, Nah.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2018, 05:09:20 PM »
I love reading your posts!  You have such a great sense of humor.  Following along
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Divorced as of January 2019
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 59
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #20 on: October 07, 2018, 09:01:34 PM »
That is so exciting about the book Nah.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #21 on: October 08, 2018, 03:35:16 AM »
Thank you everyone.

I really do appreciate the encouragement on here.

 :)

H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2018, 04:42:29 AM »
Funny how my thread titles always seem to match what's going on through the entire thread.

So, with much of E's help from another state, we finally loaded my book up on Amazon. Writing the book was one thing, all the business paperwork is a whole other complicated side of getting this done.  I made E my manager, which means, do all the crappy stuff that I don't like...  ;D ;D

Right now it's just an Ebook on Amazon, the paperback is more work (adding a dedication page, copyright page, etc) which we are working on, plus it will need to be formatted again (I don't want the last page of each chapter to have one or two lines, the Ebook seems to have a few of those), choose page size etc, and print. I could also use some testimonials (famous or semi-famous authors, bloggers making comments about the book that I can put in the beginning or ending pages)

The paperback hopefully will be done by January.

Anyways... I'm not sure if it's appropriate to start a "Hey read my book" advertisement on a forum that isn't mine, so if you are interested in the Ebook, send me a message and I will tell you how to find it on Amazon.

Thanks Guys....

Hey, and if you have any good contacts for me to forward my Ebook to someone who could do a testimonial, let me know. :D
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2018, 07:36:18 AM »
Thank you to those who have already responded!!!
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2018, 07:58:30 AM »
Just reading the little bit I could, I can't wait to read the rest.

It brought back so many memories from a few years ago.
Good job, Nah!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #25 on: October 11, 2018, 10:56:59 AM »
Yes, those first few chapters were before I began writing on here, I just wasn't strong enough.

So many newbies don't realize how strong they are when they have the courage to write their story on here.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BlueBird3

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2018, 02:01:31 PM »
YAY!  Bought it, can’t wait to dig in to it, my reading material tomorrow on my way to meet up with Mr LBS! 

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #27 on: October 11, 2018, 02:03:37 PM »
Me, too, bought it! My reading material, too!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #28 on: October 11, 2018, 03:19:11 PM »
Congrats on the book Nah! I’m so excited to start reading! You might have already mentioned the name, but can you pm me if you don’t want to post it here?

I always love your posts and words of wisdom.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #29 on: October 11, 2018, 07:52:06 PM »
RCR gave me permission, so here it is...

"he never said a word" (you need to type the quotation marks) on Amazon as an Ebook.

Or search by Nancy Nap (not my full real name, without quotations)

If you find typos (which I already know there are a few... grrrr) or any comments, even if not complimentary, please let me know so I can iron them out for the paper copy.

or my website... https://heneversaidaword.com


Thanks guys.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2018, 07:54:07 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #30 on: October 11, 2018, 09:28:45 PM »
Nancy Nap.....interesting pen name! 

I've made my purchase.  Won't have a chance to read it for a bit as I'm in a month long emergency medical responder course and I am swamped with the reading, testing, and skills testing. 

But you can bet you'll hear from me once I have the opportunity to read your book. 

Nice accomplishment, Nah.  When the hardcover book comes out I'll be needing an autographed copy from LBS to another!   ;)
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #31 on: October 11, 2018, 10:33:08 PM »
 Veruca?  ;D ;D ;D
« Last Edit: October 11, 2018, 10:34:53 PM by OffRoad »
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #32 on: October 12, 2018, 03:54:40 AM »
Veruca?  ;D ;D ;D

I struggled with, “veruca” the most. Yes, the name was very fitting... ;D, and I’m sure if it reaches to her she will not be too happy. I struggled many times if I shouted to the world the truth it would squash any chance of reconciliation with her. Than I thought, fire truck it, if she doesn’t like the story than she should have behaved better.

Plus, parent alienation is more common than many people think and it shines a light onto the issue. I shouldn’t be ashamed, they should.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #33 on: October 12, 2018, 03:56:48 AM »


Nice accomplishment, Nah.  When the hardcover book comes out I'll be needing an autographed copy from LBS to another!   ;)

Of course!!
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #34 on: October 12, 2018, 06:31:33 AM »
I am going to have to check our your book Nah!! Thanks for sharing.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #35 on: October 12, 2018, 06:51:31 AM »
Thank you DF!!
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline MsMedfly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #36 on: October 13, 2018, 06:15:07 AM »
Catching up...

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! New hubby, new house, new book... GIRL, YOU FREAKING ROCK!!!!!!

So proud of you and for you!!!!!

Fantastic... Soooooo happy!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘😘

I now have some reading to do...

Offline Reinventing

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #37 on: October 13, 2018, 07:22:33 AM »
Just finished it. Very interesting and engaging. I admire how you put it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wonderful ending.

And I was thinking as I was reading that you were one high energy LBSer!
« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 07:48:00 AM by Reinventing »

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #38 on: October 13, 2018, 11:04:58 AM »
Just finished it. Very interesting and engaging. I admire how you put it all out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wonderful ending.

And I was thinking as I was reading that you were one high energy LBSer!

Yes, especially those early years, I was definitely manic, no doubt about it. I was averaging maybe 8-10 hours of sleep a WEEK!!  Yikes.

And thank you Reinventing for reading my story.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #39 on: October 21, 2018, 11:19:28 AM »
Okay, well, I came home for the weekend and met with friends to see "The Leaver's band without the Leaver"...  ;D ;D

They happened to be playing locally at a pub near where most of my friends live. Most of my friends were there "Anna, P-Dog, Lynn, Fergie, Kerri, Sherri, even the divorce expert"... all there. Yes, most of the conversation was about the book. I confess I have a sore throat from so much talking,. ;D ;D It really was a great time.

Anyways,... can you believe that "Peggy" has not given up?

She called one of my friends, "Sherri" and asked for my phone number.  umm...Peggy used to call me 3/4x's a week, she very much has my number. It was just an excuse to try to get information. WTF!?!  Sherri said Peggy was crying on the phone to her about how we were such good friends and she's so sorry how "it" happened.  I said to Sherri, "It" was her choices, "It" was not some outside circumstance where she had no control. 

Here's how a genuine apology works...
(1) apologize for your words/behavior
(2) stop the behavior
(3) make amends

Avoiding accountability for your actions does not cut it.  Coming right out of the gate saying, "I'm sorry for how IT was done" is not a genuine apology and I will not accept it.

Now, I said to Sherri, If Peggy said, you know what, nah?  We have been close friends for many years and I had a lapse of judgement, I was cruel and you didn't deserve what I did to you.  Well, then, I would have accepted her apology.

Nope, instead she is running around in circles trying to get to me through several avenues; messages, letters, "Mikey Bongos" and now "Sherri".  Why not just be real and say, hey I F'd up?  Wouldn't that be easier?

« Last Edit: October 21, 2018, 11:44:55 AM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline heroIam

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #40 on: October 21, 2018, 12:08:13 PM »
So, I'm part way through your book nah.  I have to say I read a lot of my story in yours.
I loved that you were so authentic about your behaviors and your thoughts.  I cracked up at some parts of the book.  I'm still reading so I look forward to the last half of your story. 

I've not posted for awhile. I don't have much to say.  Contrary to what most folks here thought, my H is not home.  Nothing has changed.  He's still financially responsible for home/bills ------ and continues living his new life.    No real signs of anything hopeful.  But I've been doing OK.  I carry on with my life. 

You are so right about how women need to have each other's backs.  I've always thought that.  And I totally agree that there really is nowhere to turn (except here on this forum) to get support for this type of circumstance.  There needs to be something more for LBSers. 

Maybe that is something we can all figure out together.
Well back to reading....... ;)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #41 on: October 21, 2018, 07:31:04 PM »
  I cracked up at some parts of the book. 

I love to hear that...I didn't want the whole thing to be a downer, even when circumstances were depressing.



You are so right about how women need to have each other's backs. 

This really has become a priority in my life.  This weekend, sitting at a table surrounded by all these kick ass women who let me back into their world.  I'm just so damn grateful that he walked out that door (my God, I never thought I would say that) and I have been given a second chance in so many areas, ESPECIALLY with my girlfriends.  "E" said I was glowing all night, laughing to the point that I turned purple, talking and laughing until my voice gave out...

Why do we let one person suck everything else out? 

Never again.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #42 on: October 28, 2018, 04:54:36 AM »
Nah I'm just curious, I know you didn't use your d's real name but did you use your s's real name?
I'm assuming not?

"Leaver" was perfect for your H.

I finished the book and thought it was great!  You are a very good story teller and quite a good writer.

I loved the ending but too bad your new marriage and new job couldn't have been in there.  A sequel?   ;D

Oh and my one thought was...now your H will know how the rodents got in his gym bag.  ha ha ha ha...IF he had any doubts.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2018, 02:18:19 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #43 on: October 28, 2018, 10:52:52 PM »
Oh and my one thought was...now your H will know how the rodents got in his gym bag.  ha ha ha ha...IF he had any doubts.
Maybe that's what the phone call was for... ;D
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline No expectations

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #44 on: November 03, 2018, 04:24:35 AM »
Hi Nah,

Just popped in for a bit.  Congrats on the book!! I'm so excited,  I definitely will be reading it.

Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #45 on: November 03, 2018, 09:14:47 AM »
Thank you No Ex.  :)


H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #46 on: December 01, 2018, 06:14:10 PM »
It's been awhile,... but interesting conversation today,

I think there's a little trouble in paradise.

Now, it's a feeling, and I have to say, I have learned over the years it takes time but my feelings usually end up being dead on.

Here's what happened,..

I had Thanksgiving in Chicago.  My son talked to me and said he would have Thanksgiving at his Dad's.  Now I'm not a newbie, so I was honestly happy that my son had somewhere to go and seemed fine with it.  He usually doesn't like holidays due to his social anxiety so I was a little surprised. But whatever, I told him to have a good time and forgot about it.

Thanksgiving morning, my son contacted me, he woke up without heat (I own the house he lives in), so long story short, he had to leave his dad's house to wait for a "safety check" for the heat to be turned back on, (propane until spring).  Again, I forgot about it once it was over.

Today, I talked to my mom. My mom is 80 and tells it like it is (one of the reasons my daughter also doesn't talk to my mom, my mom will not agree that I was "mean"  ::) )

So my mom said to me, "well, I guess Thanksgiving was just son, his father, his father's girlfriend (we laugh b/c that's what my son calls her, no name and also not wife) and her mother.

Where was daughter?  Son didn't know.

Well, she wasn't with me (obviously), or her father, who is left? 

It would be sister-in-law's, my best guess.  But why wouldn't they join with each other?  Why have Thanksgiving with only four people (and son had to leave)?  The best part was one of the "reasons" that The Leaver left was he missed when we had a "full house and the kids were little". So now this??... 3 people?  No real family members?!?   ::)

Why wouldn't they ALL go to sister-in-laws?  We used to all the time.

Best guess?

What happens when selfish people spend time together and their favorite Nah scapegoat is no longer someone they can blame all their problems on?  They turn on each other, just like I predicted years ago.

Man, I'm starting to wonder if his life can sink any lower.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #47 on: December 01, 2018, 06:30:28 PM »
Trouble In Paradise with a dash of Karma...love it!   Wonder if it hit any alarm/remorse bells? 
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #48 on: December 01, 2018, 07:01:18 PM »
Ha! A bunch of selfish people all alone on a major holiday. Now we are talking
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #49 on: December 01, 2018, 08:14:23 PM »
Wonder if it hit any alarm/remorse bells?

Oh I believe they have been going off for a very long time.  How does one go back and say they were wrong after so much destruction?  No, he will wallow until death.

So, I forgot to mention that I'm home for the weekend, to get my hair done and an author expo (which was awesome).

My hairdresser (who also still does The Leaver's every 2 weeks dye job  ::) ) asked about my job and my book.  After chatting awhile I said, "Oh the book sales are way better than expected and what was really weird is that The Leaver called me but I didn't answer, I suspect he heard about the book"... My hairdresser responded, "Umm... that might have been me b/c I just had to rub it in, I said to him, so I hear your ex-wife is famous, she wrote a book and it's really taking off..."  but, she said, he already knew and just sat in he chair with his arms folded and a scowl on his face.  lol.

I wonder if he's one of the reasons that the sales are higher than expected...  ;D ;D

H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #50 on: December 02, 2018, 01:30:17 AM »
I love hairdressers...they always have a knack of subtly planting information  lol.

Your hitting the big time now Nah.... a authors expo that is impressive!!    Have you thought any more about writing more?

Out of curiosity how many times do you think the Leaver has read your book - no doubt he disagrees with every descriptive word of The Leaver (himself)?   
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #51 on: December 02, 2018, 03:10:11 AM »
Nah,

I'm so happy you are back with your girl friends.

Just proves sometimes something bad turns out to be a blessing in disguise. 

I just wonder if his ow (still is in my book) read the book.  Bwahaha...   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline ember

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2018, 04:08:34 AM »
following along

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2018, 06:14:54 AM »
I love hairdressers...they always have a knack of subtly planting information  lol.

Oh no, this one hits him right between the eyes... ;D ;D

Soon after BD, she was all over him about his choices.  Of course he smugly responded that, "Nah is fine, she knew we had problems..."
The hairdresser blasted him, "What?!? Nah was literally sobbing in my chair the entire time she was here."

Busted.  Sometimes I think these liars actually start to believe their fantasies.  Anyways I told the hairdresser that she should be careful, that she would lose her client.  She just shrugged her shoulders, "Ha... he will never go somewhere else, no man wants to explain to someone new that he has been dying his hair for years"... lol, she was right.  Keeping his dye job "secret" is so important to him, he will put up with the actually truth for an hour every few weeks.

Have you thought any more about writing more?

I have been thinking about it and I have some ideas.  Thing is, book cover design, graphics (how to place the wording), printing/publishing, building a fan base, etc... it's a lot of work, PLUS, my full time job is really busy, traveling, training, etc.  Oh and the little thing of completely renovating two houses.  Poor E is running around in circle trying to constantly keep up with everything we are juggling. 
I need another sabbatical.  :P

Out of curiosity how many times do you think the Leaver has read your book - no doubt he disagrees with every descriptive word of The Leaver (himself)?   

I'll admit, when I first started to write, it was 100% about him and I even was writing directly to him and thinking about his responses.  Over the years, I threw out many, many, many versions and it started to turn to my journey, not him.  The book almost had a life of it's own, just mimicking my journey. 
Did he read it? 
I have no idea.
I know he knows about it but I really truly have no idea if he would want to read it.  He's a classic avoider, so that would prevent him.  I know I would be all over it if the tables were turned, but that's me.  I usually can predict things or have strong intuitions about things... this time I really truly do not have a clue if he would read it.

Nah,

I'm so happy you are back with your girl friends.

Just proves sometimes something bad turns out to be a blessing in disguise. 

I just wonder if his ow (still is in my book) read the book.  Bwahaha...   ;D

Yes, my girlfriends.  If I had a choice to go back in time and go through BD all over again to get these women back in my life, Hell yeah it was worth it.  What I dumbass I was to let my husband make me choose... Never ever again.

So did she read it?

If you were her, would you?

I know I would but I'm not anything like her so, again, I really don't know.

If either of them do, or the in-laws, or the other betrayers....I'm sure they would find some weird explanation in their heads to not be accountable, you know the ones...

"Well, it couldn't be helped... you can't chose who you love".

Right?  Isn't that what these people do?

Maybe I'll get lucky and they will buy a bunch of copies to have a book-burning.
 ;D ;D
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2018, 06:46:11 AM »
Nah I'm just curious, I know you didn't use your d's real name but did you use your s's real name?
I'm assuming not?

Hey, Just realized I missed this, not that you were lying awake at night wondering if I would ever answer..  ;D

All names (except my first) were changed.  "Jake" was a nickname we gave him many years ago that never stuck, so I resurrected it.  All the names have some meaning in some way or another. 

H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #55 on: December 02, 2018, 06:57:36 AM »
God thank you!  I can finally sleep.   ;D

I just had a weird thought. I wonder if your d read it and maybe figured out a few things weren't actually true in her head.  Possibly she was wrong about a few of them.  Never know.

Where is she now?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #56 on: December 02, 2018, 07:57:22 AM »

Where is she now?

She lives very close.  Maybe about 10 minutes from my house (and my son's, and my mother's, and well, also my sister in law), RI is like that, most of us live close to where we grew up.

Honestly, like her father, I really don't think she cares what is true and what is not true.  She is selfish, plain and simple.
Now, even my son will say that my daughter and I never got along.  The thing was (and always will be) that I didn't put up with her selfishness, if she left a mountain of dishes (which she did daily) I would say something.  If she bought my sister-in-law two weeks with a groceries with MY debit card (she did this more than once), I would say something.  Yes, she loved to be the hero with MY money. If she yelled at my mother b/c my mother asked her how was her day (she did this too), I would say something.  If she jumped in the front seat when we were going out as a family (I wrote about this in the book) I would say something.
Then she would scream at me that I had problems b/c I didn't put up with her sh!t.

Remember, she didn't "leave" (like her father), I told her she had to speak to me respectfully or leave.  She CHOSE to leave rather than speak to me respectfully. 

Now, she might get angry about the sugar daddy stuff but NOT b/c I was hurt or anything like that, she would be angry because she completely and truly feels that she has every right to every penny that her father earns.  That's what she told people, I was "mean" b/c I was trying to get "his" money when we were divorcing.  In her mind, that was HER money.

Firetrucked up, right?

That's also why I believe that she wasn't at her father's house for Thanksgiving.  At some point, especially now that The Leaver makes less money than the girl,... what do you think the girl is saying when The Leaver wants to give some (or even all) of his money to his selfish daughter?

Another benefit of BD,... They can't even blame this on me anymore, The Leaver doesn't give me a penny, I am completely out of his life financially.  If he can't fork it over to our daughter, who is getting blamed?
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #57 on: December 02, 2018, 08:08:05 AM »
I tell you Nah, that girl is going to have a rude awakening some day.

Although people like that, that my 1st H, most likely will never change.  The world owes them a living.   ::)

I'm just sorry.  You did the absolute right thing kicking her out if she could not respect you.
That the only thing my kids knew from the time they were young.  I will put up with a lot from them but not being respected is not one of them.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #58 on: December 02, 2018, 12:14:16 PM »
Maybe, who knows.

I just don’t understand selfishness bc 9x’s out of 10, the selfish person only ends up hurting themselves.

Her younger cousins don’t even ask about her anymore.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #59 on: December 02, 2018, 12:22:36 PM »
Yep, you're absolutely right!   ::)

They will lose many relationship through out heir life.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #60 on: December 02, 2018, 04:40:30 PM »
Even if your MLCer, the OWifey, and your D didn't read your book I'm betting that many portions have been shared with them by people who have read it! 

Has the hairdresser read it? 

Nice to hear that sales are going well. 

 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #61 on: December 02, 2018, 07:14:43 PM »
Even if your MLCer, the OWifey, and your D didn't read your book I'm betting that many portions have been shared with them by people who have read it! 

Has the hairdresser read it? 

Nice to hear that sales are going well. 

 

I would think somebody would be curious, so you are probably right.

No, the hairdresser said she hasn't had time but will be getting a copy soon.  Honestly, I'm pretty sure I have shared just about everything to her as it was happening over the years.  Now that I think of it, I pretty sure I shared more with her than anybody else.  Funny how hairdressers can be like that to us, like a free therapist...  ;D ;D. Plus, she knows The Leaver AND my daughter (my daughter rented space from her salon for a few years, so they know each other well), so more than anybody my hairdresser knew the players as it was happening. She was the only person that The Leaver would regularly see, even when he was hiding from everybody else (had to get that dye job, wouldn't want the little lady know that he is completely grey).

I know, though, when she does read it, she will not hold back on The Leaver, she's like that and for some reason, he still comes back.  ;D ;D
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BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #62 on: December 06, 2018, 03:29:07 AM »
Nah, wonderful about the book sales! I agree with the others, there’s no way someone hasn’t snooped. It can only hurt if they do. A little revenge for all of us. Hope that’s ok to say.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #63 on: January 08, 2019, 12:57:08 PM »
Hmmm... maybe it’s nothing, just not sure

I’m on Twitter, mostly bc of my book. I often tweet things about infidelity, sometimes emotional, many times just humorous observations about life. I have only been on a few months and have over five thousand followers, which is great. One stuck out today.
No picture, no followers and only follows one person... me.
Weird.
Not Ellen Degeneres, or Oprah, or The Donald... but their one and only person to follow is me?
And the name...
My middle name, which is common but still. The spelling is less common and I use to tell The Leaver how the spelling bothered me when I was younger bc a teacher used to repeat it often as a joke.
Coincidence?
Maybe...
Thoughts?
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #64 on: January 08, 2019, 01:00:40 PM »
Spelled exactly like your unusual spelling?  Uh, yeah, I'm financially destitute and I'd still put money on it being your exH.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #65 on: January 08, 2019, 01:04:58 PM »
Or the new wifey.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #66 on: January 08, 2019, 01:16:40 PM »
My gut tells me it’s not him.

This is even weirder... I just went back to look at the profile again and it’s gone. It was up for maybe a half hour... tops. Even weirder, you can look at a twitter profile without following, so why go through the trouble making a profile? Unless(if it was a stalker) they just didn’t know you could just read the thread.

I have two theories (if it is a stalker)...

“Peggy” bc she hates social media but uses her husband’s Facebook page to send messages to people. That was her “reason” for betraying me, she actually wrote to me that I “seem to enjoy living your life out on social media and we like to keep the canoe trip low-key”,.., ummm, first of all, how would she know unless she was on Facebook to begin with (which she always denies, yet always knows who is on it) and secondly after their canoe trip, it was all over Facebook (which I blocked and never looked again)

Or the girl. I only think it might be her, bc I also feel she doesn’t understand social media.

Just guessing.
H-54
me-52
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married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #67 on: January 08, 2019, 01:27:59 PM »
Or the new wifey.   ;D

We were writing at the same time.

I think the new wifey is a good guess.

The Leaver’s first gf wrote to me last week after she read my book.

And, it’s a Rhode Island thing but, The Leaver’s first gf’s bff, also went to high school with The Leaver and “Arnold” (Peggy’s husband). Another mutual friend killed himself last week (midlife crisis ugh) and they all went to the funeral (I’m in Chicago so I didn’t go).  It’s just not possible that the book didn’t come up bc The Leavers first gf wrote to me in the same time frame AND there was a jump in book sales the very next day.

Can you imagine being in your 20’s, thinking you hit the lottery marrying a millionaire, instead you get a broke, fat guy and no matter how legitimate you try to make your relationship, you will always be the dreaded home wrecker with the ex wife still in the middle of attention no matter how far she travels?   ;D
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #68 on: January 08, 2019, 01:32:02 PM »



Can you imagine being in your 20’s, thinking you hit the lottery marrying a millionaire, instead you get a broke, fat guy and no matter how legitimate you try to make your relationship, you will always be the dreaded home wrecker with the ex wife still in the middle of attention no matter how far she travels?   ;D

Can't wait till she cheats on him.  Which. She. Will.  ;)
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #69 on: January 08, 2019, 01:48:15 PM »
Ah ha I'm betting on the girl, then she panicked and got off for fear of you finding out. ::)

I'm glad the book is selling well, nah.

Or he will Nas.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #70 on: January 08, 2019, 02:06:29 PM »

Can't wait till she cheats on him.  Which. She. Will.  ;)

Or he will Nas.   ;D

I know, I know, I'm married, new life, exciting job, I shouldn't care.  Most of the times I don't but I'm fire trucking human so of course sometimes my mind drifts there...

They have been together since the end of 2012 (that's when he started "working late"), How was that not exciting?  Affair, new house, millionaire boyfriend in a rock band, she hit it big AND he left his wife in 2013 what's better than that?
2014...The excitement of buying a big house and divorcing his wife was even more exciting.

2015-2016, drama drama drama, meeting kids and family, friends, bands, losing his job, so much to talk about, oh and the big bad ex always getting paid "our money"....but the alimony ended after he lost his job.

2017.... Well, what's more exciting than planning a big fat wedding???

2018... Nothing left but baby,... will he do it?  He's only getting older, and now who is going to pay the mortgage?  His greedy daughter is always looking for money, and his ex-wife pays for son's living expenses so "WE" have to pay for his son's school but my millionaire husband works at Home Depot now. Seven years ago, when they met, she was in her late twenties, plenty of time for a baby, now she's mid-30's, that nasty biological clock.  He's obsessed with being old, and now he's even older.  The pressure must be on more than ever.

2019... Another midlife crisis friend commits suicide (this is our fourth friend to do this...  :'( ), this, I believe was a factor for the BD, one of our friends that killed himself was in our wedding, a very good friend. Then another about a week after BD.

« Last Edit: January 08, 2019, 02:10:27 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Treasur

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #71 on: January 08, 2019, 02:13:21 PM »
My money is on new wifey too.
Don't know why but ow seem to do this kind of thing (and I bet she bought a copy of the book too)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline heroIam

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #72 on: January 08, 2019, 02:24:37 PM »
Don't know either of them, but thinking it could go either way...….
Though my hunch is HE might be the one to stray, continuing his search for youth.

A baby would be a very wrong decision.  ::)

So sorry to hear about your friends Nah.  :(
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #73 on: January 08, 2019, 03:04:35 PM »
My money is on new wifey too.
Don't know why but ow seem to do this kind of thing (and I bet she bought a copy of the book too)

If nothing else, some lies are going to be questioned.  All easily verified. 

So sorry to hear about your friends Nah.  :(

Thanks Hero...
All band guys that thought they would be rock starts in the 80's and 90's.  Didn't happen.  What did happen was drugs, DUI's and divorces.  An aging has-been rock star is one thing, aging never-was rock star?  The Leaver was different, Yes, he was/is talented (as they were too) but he had everything, devoted wife, healthy kids, money in the bank and all the toys a guy could want, but it wasn't enough.  And now he's one of them, struggling financially, back in the band circuit, fun at first but now it's the same old clubs, same aging people, the girl is hanging around a bunch of 50-60 year olds still trying to be rock stars without a retirement to back them up.  Liver disease from too much drinking, suicide from depression, heart disease, etc.  It's a sad group, dropping like flies.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2019, 03:07:06 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline heroIam

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #74 on: January 08, 2019, 03:23:59 PM »
All band guys that thought they would be rock starts in the 80's and 90's.  Didn't happen.  What did happen was drugs, DUI's and divorces.

LOL.  Oh yeah.....
As far as I know, OW in my case isn't exactly a youngster.  I want to say maybe 50 yo.
I think they are called 'cougars' now, right?   :P

“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #75 on: January 08, 2019, 03:38:53 PM »
All band guys that thought they would be rock starts in the 80's and 90's.  Didn't happen.  What did happen was drugs, DUI's and divorces.

LOL.  Oh yeah.....
As far as I know, OW in my case isn't exactly a youngster.  I want to say maybe 50 yo.
I think they are called 'cougars' now, right?   :P

Well, Cougars don't hook up with MLC old men.  They have "cubs", (younger guys). 

Other women, no matter what their age, are just pathetic insecure little girls.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline BrenM

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #76 on: January 08, 2019, 07:04:07 PM »
Nah have you considered that it may have been your Daughter?  Just a thought...the younger generation are text savvy....she would know the unique spelling of your middle name....maybe she is checking on you?
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #77 on: January 08, 2019, 07:41:06 PM »
Nah have you considered that it may have been your Daughter?  Just a thought...the younger generation are text savvy....she would know the unique spelling of your middle name....maybe she is checking on you?

The stalker is NOT tech savvy.  My daughter would know that she could read all my posts without an account. 100% sure.

"Peggy" and the girl are not tech savvy, that's why I think it most likely is one of them.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #78 on: January 09, 2019, 03:05:45 AM »
Nah, I just wonder how many times your H has kicked himself in the bootie for screwing everything up in his life so bad.

A baby would just put the cherry on top, wouldn't it?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #79 on: January 30, 2019, 10:45:14 AM »
Nah, I just wonder how many times your H has kicked himself in the bootie for screwing everything up in his life so bad.

A baby would just put the cherry on top, wouldn't it?

It would Thunder, it would, bringing a baby into the world to try to fill a hole within themselves. 
Maybe that's how future MLCers are born.

I haven't been here as much, I often read at work but too busy to comment.  Since today I'm living in the arctic freeze (negative 24F with windchills negative 50F-60F, I'm staying in today), I thought I would catch up;

Quick recap for those who might not know me...
28 years and 2 kids of what I thought was a near perfect marriage.
BD, 2013, "I met someone"
Stereotypical MLC, sports car, motorcycles, tattoos, young blonde co-worker (now married), blame shifting, multiple betrayals including friends and in-laws, even my adult daughter has left me.
I was suicidal, panic attacks, lost my identity as all I knew was how to be a wife and mother.
After he left I took up drinking heavily and juggling men, self-inflicting pain to get back at him.
I circled for years between anger, depression and pushing to find happiness, my posts are sprinkled with humor, maybe to cover the pain but also I my normal state before he left was to be "light and fun", oh how much I wanted to be me again.

Going through multiple betrayals will change you forever, but you can find your core again, and I feel like I not only survived but thrived.
Yes, I made many mistakes but also at the same time...
I reunited with older friends and family, I traveled (a lot), I focused on my career in between all my craziness (LBS sleeping schedule = getting a lot done), I wrote a book (still selling as an ebook, surprised people are still buying, working on paper copy), and I even got married last summer (second chances at love are the best kind of chances!)

Okay... today, here's what I really wanted to announce...

I'm moving again, in March with a new job opportunity that I am floating in the clouds about...
I will be mentoring kids right out of college in a training facility attached to the manufacturing building.  I will be getting paid very well for doing exactly what I want to do.  This girl, the same one who was contemplating suicide bc my life was over without him, will be teaching college kids how to do real hands-on science to make a medicine that saves babies lives.  I was shaking when I received the phone call. 

If I could only go back in time and pick me up off of the floor.  I would yell in my face that his leaving will put me on a journey to bigger and better things, things I would have never even dreamed about.  Where is he?  Sulking.  Sulking over how life sucks and is so unfair.  Where am I?  Living life, leaving a legacy, a legacy that I can be proud of... MY legacy, not as his wife, the boss's wife, the coach's wife, the singer's wife...

Of geez, the thoughts that were swirling around in my head.  I believed with every cell of my body that my best years were in my past, bc I was almost fifty.  Fifty year old women are past their prime, right?  Isn't that what we are taught by society?  I have lines on my face and some spillage over my jeans, why bother to press on?

Oh how I want to punch that girl I was that listened to his spew.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that I had many good years as a wife and mother.  But I'm not done yet, I still have so much to give and if he doesn't appreciate me, there are many others who do...

I know it's scary but if you stop looking at that closed door behind you, you might find an open door with a whole new world in front of you!!

Take your life back, it's yours!!
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Treasur

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #80 on: January 30, 2019, 11:07:56 AM »
That is just fantastic, nah. Best news ever.  ;)
And I needed that reminder that this s&it might have eaten me between 52-55, and I had a great first 50 or so years, but I too have a lot to give, things to do and places to go...
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #81 on: January 30, 2019, 11:12:28 AM »
Congrats Nah!! You go girl!!

And one day, just like that...

You'll rediscover your light.
You'll embrace your inner warrior.
You'll snatch you power back.

And the whole game will change.

 - compliments of Beyond
 

Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #82 on: January 30, 2019, 11:18:06 AM »
That is just fantastic, nah. Best news ever.  ;)
And I needed that reminder that this s&it might have eaten me between 52-55, and I had a great first 50 or so years, but I too have a lot to give, things to do and places to go...

and it just keeps getting better once we get out of the muck.

Congrats Nah!! You go girl!!

And one day, just like that...

You'll rediscover your light.
You'll embrace your inner warrior.
You'll snatch you power back.

And the whole game will change.

 - compliments of Beyond



Beautiful.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #83 on: January 30, 2019, 12:27:27 PM »
You go Nah!!!!
Wishing you the best at your new job.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #84 on: January 30, 2019, 12:32:13 PM »
Congratulations, Nah!  :)

- 45C?  :o That is cold!

This mess come when I was 37. Not sure what was I thinking back then ... OK, I was not thinking.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline heroIam

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #85 on: January 30, 2019, 12:42:49 PM »
Congrats Nah!
What great news. 
Will your move be to West coast? 


“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #86 on: January 30, 2019, 01:31:36 PM »
Research Triangle in North Carolina.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #87 on: January 30, 2019, 01:49:44 PM »
Oh, wow, Nah, your life is just getting better and better. Congratulations on this fabulous new job! How exciting, and if it weren't enough to be on the cutting edge as you will be, you're going to be doing it in Northern California!!

Your H does seem like such a loser in comparison.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #88 on: January 30, 2019, 04:19:32 PM »
Well, a hearty congratulations coming to you from me! 

What an accomplishment.  Keep living life large, Nah! 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline CallingHeart

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #89 on: January 30, 2019, 05:30:03 PM »
Bravo for a fantastic accomplishment (you know... a great life ;))
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #90 on: January 30, 2019, 06:00:00 PM »
Hello,

I am catching up on your thread. I was very active from 2010-2013. I was divorced that year. Just like you I was totally down, felt worthless, completely exhausted and utterly hopeless.

Crazy things was that the process of the divorce actually brought the fire back into me. After she left and I dealt with alimony and child support while I put another daughter through college.

There were months where all I had to my name was a few dollars in my account. Now six years later, living in a home in Orange County, just got married to an amazing woman, and life is looking up, up, up!

I do want to relate. I still think abut my ex even though I have not spoken to her in over a year and a half. I was married for 18.5 years. We had two daughters and then she found her love online. You never know.

I know very little about her other than she bought a small home in Washington and she works for a credit union.

Other than that, nothing...I prefer it that way. I used to have lots of dreams with her. They were always bad and I was angry at her. I yelled at her. I intentionally hurt her. I still have dreams not as often and now she is silent but her presence fills me with a since of dread. Like why are you here? What do you want?

Very weird.

Well, enough about how I connect to your story. I am so glad that you found a new life and I hope the new position bring you great joy!


((((Ready))))
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #91 on: January 30, 2019, 06:00:29 PM »
So, the sequel book is going to be called "The Best Revenge ?" Or maybe just "Best Served Cold...."
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #92 on: January 30, 2019, 06:28:48 PM »
Thank you so much everyone, this place is always filled with encouragement!!


So, the sequel book is going to be called "The Best Revenge ?" Or maybe just "Best Served Cold...."

Yes!!  My oldest sister said to me in the early days, "The best revenge is to live a good life"... and yes, it's so true.  Nothing wrong with venting, and this is the perfect place to vent.  I did more than my share BUT... at some point, life gets so much better when you turn away from "them" and focus on yourself.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline No expectations

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #93 on: March 16, 2019, 05:38:23 PM »
Hi Nah!

I've been gone for months, just catching up.  I am so happy for you.  It's amazing what we can do once we really learn to love, and live, for ourselves.  <3
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #94 on: May 13, 2019, 06:43:43 PM »
Geez. I had to dig to find my thread.

Long story short bc I’m on my phone and I’ve had a long day....

Only a handful of times have I contacted The Leaver bc I was just plain ole pissed off.

Tonight was one one of those nights.

So, I texted him with a (paraphrased) “I can’t believe you can’t be adult enough to wish me a happy Mother’s Day.” He sent back a long winded Bullsh!t apology (not too surprising, he does this when backed into a corner)

I didn’t let up... I followed up with “words are nothing wo action”

Long winded “blah blah, I tried calling several times wo a response” (boo boo, and it was only once)

But then he followed with...
He relapsed with drinking (didn’t drink for over 20 years until he left), tried AA but “too churchy”, been going to a therapist but it hasn’t helped, trying to start a Mental Health Awareness for musicians (actually talked about our friends that died of suicide and overdose, we have several)... talked about his “depression and mental issues that became severe at midlife)

Thoughts?
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #95 on: May 13, 2019, 06:57:27 PM »
Whoa.
Woe is him. He sounds like he’s a really bad mess and has been for a long time.
Interesting that he shared all that with you.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #96 on: May 13, 2019, 07:05:45 PM »
Very interesting...

From The Leaver..

“I understand that's how you feel but I'm not evil. I hate that you feel that way. I'm sorry. I'll try to be better. On another note, I did try to call you twice in the past few months to talk about *son and his path. No answer, no call back, so I didn't text. You could have answered. But I'm not dwelling on it. Sh!t happens. I'm sure you're very busy. That was an attempt on my part to be civil and caring. I was actually excited for you after hearing about all your work and personal adventures. Thought we could have a nice conversation. Anyway,  I'm not saying that to try and attack you. Just an FYI to let you know that I'm  proud of you. Maybe that doesn't mean $h!te, but I am.”
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #97 on: May 13, 2019, 07:12:18 PM »
Also from The Leaver...

I am an alcoholic. We both know that. I had a bad relapse a year ago but fought through it with support from very good people. I'm not proud of it but I am proud that I made it through.

Interesting note: About 2 years ago he confessed to me he was “obsessing about drinking” and he had “one drink”, I said on here that a one drink confession meant he was drinking like a fish, and I was right.  Also interesting that he was drinking heavily when he got married

Neither one of us mentioned her.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline CallingHeart

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #98 on: May 13, 2019, 07:48:46 PM »
So,wait!! I’m trying to get this all straight....
If you’d have been sitting around knitting doilies when he called in the past month or so, and you answered the phone or in some other way, immediately called him back...  He could tell you how proud he was of you in addition to discussing S, ... onlyTHEN he would have felt better about sending you a quick message yesterday wishing you Happy Mother’s Day. 
Of course it’s your fault that didn’t happen  ::)
Oh the mind of the MLCr....
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #99 on: May 13, 2019, 08:47:57 PM »
Yeah, his new marriage sounds rock solid.

Oh, and he tried to be civil and caring but you were too busy with your awesome life to call him back. The self-pity is oozing out of his pores.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Online Whyus

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #100 on: May 13, 2019, 11:57:27 PM »
Hi Nah. Interesting update, the leaver seems to be all of the place. Ist nice that hes "proud of you" though  :D.

One Thing that I dont get is, and this is not an attack (you know that I love you beaut  ;)), why would you expect him to wish you a happy mothers day? Dont get me wrong, I didnt think that you still had expectations and then texting him to tell him so  :o. Do you still wish him a happy fathers day?

I didnt wish XW a happy mothers day either, I didnt even tell the Boys to wish her one. They are old enough and if they Forget then, not my monkeys. Im out!
We share no "happy birthday's", "merry Christmas's" or "Happy new year's".
Nothing, if so then it would have to come from me and she WOULD answer but I dont see the Point anymore.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online Milly

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #101 on: May 14, 2019, 12:47:05 AM »
Nah, interesting glimpse into the MLCer's firetrucked up life. Thanks for sharing that. This always helps me.

So, interesting indeed that when he did have contact with you, the Leaver seemed to need to get stuff off his chest. Maybe you're the only one he thinks can understand what it means for him to relapse after 20 years. It's possible.

I also connected that he got married when in a complete mess of a state. This really shows that his marriage was not thought out. Nor can it be fun. More like the opposite. Living with an alcoholic, as many of you know (my mother was one) is living on eggshells. They can go off their heads at any moment, or turn into sacks of potatoes you can't budge or get to do anything. Hmmmm, very romantic over at Mr. and Mrs. Leaver's house.

Him saying he's proud of you, which is still a nice thing to say, smells of him noticing how well you're doing and feeling a little envious.

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #102 on: May 14, 2019, 02:11:07 AM »
Thank you everyone for responding, and yes Nas the self-pity has been oozing out of him since the day he walked out the door.

Whyus, I’ve never played by the rules on here. I believe in no contact (for us) but I also believe in venting when appropriate (for us). I’m done, so if I feel like venting, I’ll vent. Last fathers day I was feeling grateful for son, I hadn’t contacted The Leaver before or since (except for small finance issues) for a long time but I did send this last Fathers Day.

I was just thinking this morning about the first time we saw J play his guitar on stage.  We both stood there with our mouths gaped open as we both wondered where the Hell did all that stage presence come from?  Was this the same kid who couldn’t look up or speak clearly? 
I thought that night would be my proudest moment.  I was wrong.

A few months ago, he sent me a paper that he wrote for his creative writing class for me to spell check and print b/c his printer was broken.  As I read his paper, tears literally fell from my face on to the paper he asked me to print.  My feelings were even bigger b/c his hidden talent was even more unexpected.  That paper was not good, it was AMAZING.  Better than anything I have, or even (daughter) has ever written.  That kid is a talented writer, poet, etc.  I’m still floating thinking of the words he wrote.

Long ago, I have made it a habit to count my blessings each and every day.  Each and every day the same blessing is bigger than the rest, I thank you every single day for talking me into trying one more time for a boy, and I thank the universe for granting me that blessing. 
He is my world.

Thank you and Happy Father’s Day.


He thanked me and we went back to crickets as usual.

Now him envious of my life?  Absolutely. He TOLD me he was envious the day after BD, and my life at the time was so boring compared to now. I know he must get bombarded with mutual friends and family about my adventures. People from our town just don’t move, so my life is alien to them. We have hundreds of mutual friends and family.

Here’s what a hockey mom sent to me on Mother’s Day...
(She ran into The Leaver, the girl, my daughter and MIL, she knows them all but talked to MIL)
In my short conversation w her I said I was sorry about her husband. It’s been 5 years!!!! She could be remarried by now! lol!  She said she had no idea of what was happening w you guys because she was so involved w her husband. I said ha! She had no idea either!!! Lol ! Bazinga!!!!

So, even when we don’t talk, it’s impossible for either one of us to pretend we aren’t aware of each other’s existence. How can it not drive him crazy that he “ran away” all the way to the next town over, with less freedom than ever before, while I’m all over the world?

I think the main point of all of this is I’m still trying to balance that I will always hold love for the man that I thought he was, yet to be honest I also still hold selfishness that I want him to regret his choices of what he did to our family. I still want him to voice REAL regret to me (not self pity) but I’m not holding my breath.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 02:15:15 AM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #103 on: May 14, 2019, 02:34:35 AM »
Also, while talking about son he mentioned he seemed “driven but lost like his father”... so I messaged back, so you feel lost? His response,,.

Sometimes. I've tried therapy and it  helps sometimes but I think more than anything,  it's made me realize how mentally messed up I am. On a different note (no pun intended), I've been talking to some people about Mental Health Awareness in musicians. I've lost too many friends to suicide or overdose that comes from mental illness. It's a real problem amongst musicians my age. Very scary but I think being involved and talking to others like me is good. I'm hoping to have an event in one year from now, if I can pull it off, with a bunch of local bands playing an all day show to raise mental health Awareness and possibly money for the research,  assistance. I know it sound far fetched, but I believe in the cause. There is a lot of support from some very big names. It effects more people than I ever realized.

Imagine if they would open up to us like this BEFORE bomb drop?
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Whyus

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #104 on: May 14, 2019, 02:40:22 AM »
Imagine if they would open up to us like this BEFORE bomb drop?
Just imagine that. Most of probably wouldnt be here now if they had  :o

I get your Explanation to the mothers day message nah, thanks  :)
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #105 on: May 14, 2019, 04:17:07 AM »
Whyus, I’ve learned a long time ago about keeping expectations low but after I sent him that message s year ago, I was expecting at least 3 little words of Happy Mothers Day, friends, family, coworkers, even strangers could say it but not him.

So I was mad.

Self-pity and backpedaling but this is what he sent me..

You're right. I apologize. That wasn't right. No excuses, you deserve better than that. I'm being sincere. I need to be more thankful for what you and the kids have meant to my life. You are a great mother, and I mean that. I didn't consciously not wish you a Happy Mothers Day bit again, no excuse. That's bad on me (Nah.) I hope you had a nice day. Sounds like you're having a good time traveling. (Son) said you may be moving to NC next?  Great place to live from what I hear.

... and I know for those that have a  true vanisher it’s better than nothing but it’s still Bullsh!t so I called him on it and that’s when I got the other messages.

« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 04:19:33 AM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online Whyus

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #106 on: May 14, 2019, 04:43:41 AM »
A part of me feels bad now for not wishing my XW a nice Mothers day, but only a very Little part. A toenail maybe  :D
Yes nah, its still Bull$h!te. He was just Attention seeking !
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #107 on: May 14, 2019, 05:01:41 AM »
Pfft... Whyus, the forgiveness police might scoff at my beliefs but as the betrayed spouse I feel I get to heal however I Damn well please.  If I want no contact I ignore him, if I feel like reaching out with a nice message bc it’s how I feel, I do. If I feel like venting, I vent away.

If I inflate his ego or pile on his guilty feelings, wtf do I care?

After 30 years of it being all about him, it’s about time it’s about me.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #108 on: May 14, 2019, 05:20:32 AM »
Since he was so full of self-pity and deflecting and sharing all his problems (me, me, me), I’m actually surprised he didn’t mention your book.
Something tells me all of his sudden self-reflection and looking at his own mental health could have been spurred by having all of his crazy behavior laid out for the world to read about.
But all his bad choices in the last few years couldn’t have been his fault. He’s a musician with mental health issues.
Smh. Instead of talking about putting on a show to raise money for the rampant problem of mental health issues among musicians, he should be in intensive therapy for himself so he can realize it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a musician. That’s yet another outside reason/excuse to deflect from the true issues that lie within him and him alone.
At least he’s making a tiny baby step towards seeing he’s a mess, but he’s still grasping at straws.
He’s done everything else: affair, blew up career, new career, new house, new marriage. Now he’s taking up the cause for musicians everywhere. God forbid he stop moving and look at himself.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #109 on: May 14, 2019, 05:25:29 AM »
Hello,

Quote
Whyus, the forgiveness police might scoff at my beliefs but as the betrayed spouse I feel I get to heal however I Damn well please.  If I want no contact I ignore him, if I feel like reaching out with a nice message bc it’s how I feel, I do. If I feel like venting, I vent away.

If I inflate his ego or pile on his guilty feelings, wtf do I care?

After 30 years of it being all about him, it’s about time it’s about me.

This has been a great morning to read posts. We have Morte challenging Hooligans and you are busy adding siracha to your life and outlook. Nice!

Have an awesome day,

(((((Ready)))))
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #110 on: May 14, 2019, 05:46:13 AM »
Nas I’m with you. He absolutely should have wished you a Happy Mother’s Day, at the very least. And clearly from his extremely involved responses, you were on his mind. Or maybe subconsciously anyway. Yep, still a train wreck. Nice that he is wanting to help others and all but......maybe start helping yourself first Leaver?

By the way, 3 years in it’s the first year my H didn’t wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and no gift. I always get him gifts from our S. It’s a respect thing as a parent. And the fact they can’t even do that really does show how truly messed up they are.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #111 on: May 14, 2019, 07:25:20 AM »
Yeah I don’t at all buy the “didn’t consciously not wish you a happy Mother’s Day”....

He was at a restaurant on Mother’s Day, with his mother, and our daughter. Mother’s Day didn’t come up?!?  They ran into a friend of mine who came out and spoke about me... so my ghost was there. Every single person at that table forgot I existed?  Please...  ::)

I don’t doubt at all that not one person at that table never mentioned my name once which made my ghost even more present.

Didn’t consciously not wish me a Happy Mother’s Day?!?

I would think I was less on his mind if he actually just did it.

That, my friends, is the ultimate smoke and mirrors.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #112 on: May 14, 2019, 07:33:19 AM »
I feel like a “didn’t consciously not wish you a Happy Mothers Day” is even worse. It’s like saying you weren’t even a thought. And if he were a normal person he’d know that. He’s just grasping for an excuse and to not look like a db. Clearly your were thought of. And I know I was too by my MLCer. We are not easy to forget.  ;)
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Nas

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #113 on: May 14, 2019, 07:34:16 AM »
so my ghost was there.



Your ghost is ALWAYS there.  Not just on Mother's Day.  I 100% believe that. 
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #114 on: May 14, 2019, 07:56:50 AM »
I guess that’s why I don’t mind being real about it.

Hey, unless you’re completely brain dead, you don’t just forget about having a family for 25+ years.

Yes, of course, focus on yourself... we should all push really hard to live our best life.

But what’s wrong with admitting on Father’s Day, I think of the man who is the father on my children, who we raised together. Anybody who says they don’t think about it, is full of sh!t.
H-54
me-52
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married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #115 on: May 14, 2019, 08:12:14 AM »
Nah, you gotta wonder.  If he thinks you've been such a wonderful mother, does he tell your daughter that?

I sure hope so.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #116 on: May 14, 2019, 09:14:55 AM »
Nah, you gotta wonder.  If he thinks you've been such a wonderful mother, does he tell your daughter that?

I sure hope so.

He said he does. But he wouldn’t dare repeat it often or p!ss her off.

She’s in charge of him and always will be.

Part of our problem is she always wanted to be in charge, I was the “heavy” and he fell in line (with only her)... that’s why when he changed they quickly ganged up on me as it was the way she always wanted it. I fought back and lost.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 09:28:55 AM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #117 on: May 14, 2019, 09:29:01 AM »
Anybody who says they don’t think about it, is full of sh!t.
I'm not full of $h!te and I don't remember father's day. Or mothers day. Or easter or any holiday that isn't thrown in my face while driving to work from work or at work. That will change in time, but it seems to be a place I'm at right now. It's fine if you think of it, but don't expect the rest of the world to think exactly like you. I don't resent a lot, but I do resent being told what I am if I don't feel or think like someone other than me.

And yes, I was surprised when my D mentioned Mothers day this year.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #118 on: May 14, 2019, 09:57:11 AM »
Okay, I stand corrected.

For me, it seemed to be in every store, radio, social media, just people in general. Not just the day but all week. I was at a restaurant and like six people said it to me, I kept laughing, how do they even know I’m a mother?

Not just my son but my nieces, nephews, and even coworkers directly messaged me. And yes, driving to and from work and at work (it’s donut Day and Happy Mother’s Day.. was an email)

I wasn’t looking or avoiding but Off-road, you must be better at avoiding the hoop-la.

This year, the only reason I was bothered instead of just shrugging it off was my friend said she saw The Leaver with his mother and our daughter on mother’s Day. He didn’t “forget”. So, Off-Road, if you were celebrating Father’s Day with your Father (or Father figure, I don’t know your situation) are you saying the Father of your children wouldn’t cross your mind during the celebrations?? 



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me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #119 on: May 14, 2019, 01:15:47 PM »
Interesting uptade on the ex.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #120 on: May 14, 2019, 02:35:05 PM »
I seemed to have missed the part where you said he was with his mother and D. That would be my error if you wrote that. In that case, I would remember. But I haven't been in a store for two months (since my own mother died) and whiLe I would think I'd have remembered, just didn't.  Missed Easter, too. I mean completely missed it. This from a person who celebrated every Holiday and was the house everyone came to.

So, I agree, if he was out celebrating Mother's day he obviously remembered or someone remembered for him. Forthose of us who didn't remember, well, we just didn't.

I acknowledge this is just a time in my life I'm going through. I will eventually reset. I'm just saying it happens.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #121 on: May 14, 2019, 03:09:46 PM »
I get missing certain holidays when bigger things are going on.

Now that I’ve had a day to absorb his blah, blah, blah-ing, one thing really stands out to me.

His drinking.

For six years now Ive been trying to unlock the MLC mystery. The Leaver was always the perfect MLC specimen bc I could check every MLC stereotype box. Except one. The box where MLCers often increase drinking and/or drugs. No. I said. Not The Leaver... I would know.

In fact six years ago when The Leavers evil sister came over to talk after BD, it was the first question she asked, “Is he drinking again?”  Absolutely not, I said, I would know. (Then she ghosted me too, that b!tch)

Background-
As teens, early 20’s he drank so much that one day into night he drank 36 beers and passed out in his own vomit. I cleaned it up. It escalated so much, He quit at aged 22, saying a girl like me wouldn’t stay with a guy like that (I never said anything like that, he did).
Five years dry, then he called me from an overnight job. “I’m at a bar” he said, “I can handle it now”

I didn’t know enough about alcoholism to know you don’t “mature out of it”

Now when The Leaver drank, he drank like a champ. Full bottles of hard liquor like it was water on a summer day.  He quit again (I thought for good) a year later. He was in his 20’s. He used to say to me with a wink, “what’s it like to have a drink” (bc he never had one, I’m a one drink girl).

Anyways, when he lost his job and we met several times for financial reasons (our biggest touch and go) he leaned in and said, “I’ve been obsessing about drinking and had one drink.”

He has never had “one drink” in his life. I was shocked. Alcohol was something in his life over twenty years ago... he’s drinking again??

Btw... I’m still 100% that he didn’t drink until after BD. He can’t hide his level of drinking. It’s obvious when he drinks.

So I’m very sure he was heavily drinking before, during, and after his wedding. Friends and family had to know... and said nothing. Cowards.


H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline stayed

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #122 on: May 14, 2019, 04:19:51 PM »
Offroad, I've become terrible at remembering those days.  Yup, I see the commercials etc.  but still miss the actual day.  It's crazy.  I have become so bad about it, I actually have started going to the dollar store right after Christmas, picking up birthday cards for every single member of the family... going to the bank and getting out a bunch of 10's and 20's... sitting down on a single night.  Writing up all the cards... putting their gift money in them... addressing, stamping... and putting their birthdate on the outside of the envelope.  I then Paper Clip the cards to the months the cards are suppose to go out, then on the first week or day of each month, drop them in the mail box. 

Like you, I love all my kids.  I respect mothers day and fathers day.... easter, Christmas... all of it... but for some reason I simply cannot get excited about any of them other then Christmas. 

Truth is... it doesn't matter to us, at the moment, maybe it never will.  I assume it does to others and that's ok too. 

hugs Stayed

« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 04:21:15 PM by stayed »
Married 41yrs.
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Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #123 on: May 15, 2019, 03:44:26 PM »
Man, it must be an awesome life that new Mrs. is living with Mr. Drinker. 

I am slightly disappointed that he blah blah blahed all that other stuff and never even mentioned the book (as an aside - when is the hard copy coming out?). 

After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: The Nah years....Let's give them something to talk about.
« Reply #124 on: May 15, 2019, 05:24:46 PM »
Man, it must be an awesome life that new Mrs. is living with Mr. Drinker. 

I am slightly disappointed that he blah blah blahed all that other stuff and never even mentioned the book (as an aside - when is the hard copy coming out?).

I can’t even imagine. This man downplays his issues and he admitted he had “a bad relapse”, that tells me he is over the top angry drunk. He was that guy years ago that would get in fights when he drank. I remember him fighting with a friend and denting a car bc he threw the guy on the hood. I can’t imagine dealing with that level of drunk at this age. No wonder when I saw him a few weeks before he married he was sweating and twitchy,... he needed a drink. It makes so much sense.

Anyways, his “tried to call several times” was really once and it was a week after the book was released. That’s why I didn’t answer, I thought it was going to be nothing but an argument. I too found it strange that he didn’t bring it up. I could only guess the reasons, embarrassed bc it’s true?, doesn’t want to get into it bc I’ll win?... just over it?.... maybe does truly want to be civil?  Who knows.

So, about the book. Yesterday was the first time I held an actual copy. I had the printer make only one so I could see the design, the formatting, etc.  I’m busy at work this week so I’ll need at least a week to go over it and then it should be ready to go. I estimate about 6-8 weeks.

H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

 

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