Author Topic: My Story The Positives XXII  (Read 1792 times)

Offline serenityTopic starter

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My Story The Positives XXII
« on: October 07, 2018, 02:04:46 PM »
Hello all,

Welcome along to my new thread. Thank you to all of you that read, follow me and still offer me help and advice.

Hugs

X

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10171.0
« Last Edit: October 08, 2018, 03:17:45 AM by Thunder »

Offline Milly

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2018, 02:23:00 PM »
Just posted on your old one, but here to follow you on the new one!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2018, 02:27:43 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Serenity.

I am no longer a mod, I can't link your threads. One of the mods soon will.

Agree with Milly on your older thread, right now you husband will not understand why you feel the way you do. Leave him to it. Right now there isn't anything more you can do.

Hugs

X
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline hopeandfaith

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2018, 03:56:43 PM »
Welcome to your new thread Serenity.  It did cross my mind that your H's actions make it look like he thinks you are the back up plan still.  Bit of a lesson for him that you are not where he thinks he left you. 

Good luck with the rest of the family drama :-\
BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D19, D16 and S15

Offline serenityTopic starter

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2018, 12:30:10 AM »
Thank you Anjae, Milly and hopeandfaith,

I appreciate you all following me, your support and comments.

My young son has just gone to work and says he’ll stay with friends tonight. My heart is hurting for him. He barely spoke last night and I feel it’s so unhealthy to bottle stuff up. We all know where that leads!

I never was and never will be anyone’s back up plan. I think after my messages to H last night he’s got that message loud and clear now!

Hugs to all

X

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2018, 05:43:10 AM »
Serenity,

If H is still off in Lala Land, I think I found a Picture of him...



and one of you for when he starts talking smack...



Don't you wonder where they have managed to hide that one potentially functional brain cell sometimes.... You have every right to be angry with him.... Was it the kind of thing he used to say to you when everything was all good? I doubt it...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2018, 06:52:30 PM »
My heart is hurting for him. He barely spoke last night and I feel it’s so unhealthy to bottle stuff up. We all know where that leads!

We don't all process things the same away. Some of us process in silence. At least for a while. Don't force him to speak. You may say that if wants to speak you are there for him, but do not force him.

I am the sort who has to go for a long walk or who still stay on may own. Then, I may talk. or I may have sort things out. If I am forced to talk it will not go well.

I never was and never will be anyone’s back up plan. I think after my messages to H last night he’s got that message loud and clear now!

Excellent. Husband is not going to like to have realized you are not his back up plan, but the man needs to get himself together. And stop being absurd with his texts.

Loved the gifts, Ursa.  ;D
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline serenityTopic starter

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2018, 12:54:09 AM »
Thank you so much Ursa  - you did make me laugh🤣 X

Anjae,

You are of course so right, everyone is different. I’m the opposite. Total motormouth and talk and talk and I’m an open book.

I know I have to leave him to come to me but I do find keeping quiet so hard! It’s just difficult to sit back and see your child so sad and hurt. I know he’s the one that finished it but it does take courage to do that rather than just let it continue on.

Not surprisingly H has been silent since my truth darts. I was expecting monster to show up!

Hugs

X

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2018, 04:44:22 AM »
Sorry your H is being a jerk again Serenity, he has a way with words, that man of yours ::)  If I remember rightly, it's not the first time he's done something like this.  Maybe a year or so ago?.....

I do wonder who we actually are to them if we aren't living with them and they have another woman in their lives.  A sane man would back off.

Sorry about your Son and his relationship.  He's probably in shock right now and will talk when ready.  He's processing.  It will make a difference if he ended it or not.  Like the MLCers, the person ending it seems to move on faster as they had time to get used to the idea first.

"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Anjae

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Re: The Positives XXII
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2018, 07:34:46 AM »
Hi Serenity,

It’s just difficult to sit back and see your child so sad and hurt.

It is. But you also need to have in mind he is an adult, a grown up man. He is no longer a child or a teenager. A mum will always be a mum, but a mum (or a dad) needs to allow children to sort their issues on their own.

Always leaving it clear mum/dad are there for them if they want it, but let them take care of their own affairs. Otherwise, kids may end up like some MLCers who never knew how to sort things by themselves because someone always did it for them.

Hugs,

X
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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