Author Topic: Off-Topic My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word  (Read 949 times)

Online nahTopic starter

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Off-Topic Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2018, 04:11:03 AM »
I would presume because Nah hired an editor and sold her story on Amazon, that she wants to make money off of her story. If you want to make money off of something, doing it for ONESELF is not necessarily the best way to do that, because this is a product you are selling.

First of all, I want to stress that I really truly appreciate ALL comments, especially the negative ones because the negative ones are usually the ones we learn from the most. 

Would I like to sell a million copies... sure, BUT I did say a thousand times while going through this process, that the main goal was to get it out, not sell copies.  I could have watered it down, made it like every other story... why would I want that?  Funny when "The Leaver" left one of the first things my son said,

"I knew there was something going on with Dad because of the music he was playing, he became a sell-out with all the popular crap just to get an audience.  The single best advice Dad gave to me when I began to play is to never play to the audience, be true to yourself, play from your heart, hopefully the audience will follow."

My son was so disappointed when his father became a sell-out.

If I sell one copy, but it's me, it's real, then it was a success to me.  I was talking to someone in messaging and she mentioned the ending, how it should have been a younger woman that I sat next to, to give my "hindsight" thoughts.

She's right, believe me, I thought of that too, maybe I should have changed that last character into a woman.  But that's not how it happened, I kept the story 100% how it happened, my real feelings, even the ugly parts that might not be marketable. I also could add more oomph to my hindsight thoughts, so I will keep that in mind when it goes to paperback.

I would also like to quote the lyrics of one of my favorite artists, Pink:

Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight 'cause I can't do nothin' right


When she came onto the market, the executives wanted her to clean up and be more like Britney Spears, she refused, "that just aint me"....

Today.... compare her sales to Britney.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Thunder

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2018, 05:12:57 AM »
Nah, if you wrote like someone else, I would have been so disappointed.
Since when have you ever sugar coated anything??   lol

From the first page I knew every word you wrote was real, it was you, the woman I met so long ago.
I remember the anger and the anguish, but also the humor in your revenge, which I think a lot of LBS's can relate to.

Remember the one LBS wife who packed up her cheating husband's bathroom toiletries, but not before she used his toothbrush to clean the toilet?  I thought it was hysterical.  Just a bit of revenge that he will never know about, but she will.   :)

I agree this book will not be for everyone, but no book is.
I have to disagree that a book on war should not have personal parts in it telling what the soldiers did during their down times.  It humanizes the story for the readers.
They didn't fight 24 hours a day.   What did they do the rest of the time?  Write letters to their loved ones at home, for instance, or exchange stories and pictures their kids or family.

I still haven't read the whole book, just what I could on Amazon.  I would have to pay to download Kindle (Windows 8 & 10 were not free for my PC) so I'll wait for the book.  I'm looking forward to it.

I just wanted to add, I think most of the people who are giving you constructive criticism are trying to be helpful, and I sure will once I've read it all, but some of the criticism was a bit ridiculous.  It was just looking to criticize, in my opinion.  I think we all know the difference, and I think you do too, even though you are being gracious about it.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #32 on: October 13, 2018, 05:39:00 AM »
Success is not just the number of books you sell, it's also whether the book achieves the goal you hope to achieve with it. If it is just to tell your story to get it off your chest, that's one thing, but I think you have already done that quite well in this forum, so there has to be a reason beyond that to turn it into a book. Who is the audience? What do you hope they do when they finish the book: know how to deal with an MLCer, feel entertained, reflect on their own life...? It's not a matter of whether it really happened or not, actually, because you aren't some famous person that someone is reading the book to learn about you where changing the gender of a character would be misleading the reader. It's about the audience and how you want to impact them. That's one way to measure success.

Thunder, I don't know if your remarks about ridiculous criticism are aimed at me, but I make my remarks as someone who spent several years working as a professional editor in the past and edited several books and other types of publications.

Offline Lanzo

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #33 on: October 13, 2018, 03:33:40 PM »
Nah,

you wrote a book, it got published, congratulations.

I got my copy.

very best wishes to you.


Lanzo
We survive, Life really does go on

Offline Brenross

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #34 on: October 13, 2018, 05:05:45 PM »
Nah...Congratulations....what an achievement you should be very proud of yourself on the publication of your book and "your story".

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your success, and you'll have to deal with it.  Which you have and I commend you.  Yes you requested honest feedback from HS members....which you received.  Unfortunately some of the feedback went beyond tearing the concept of your book apart.  I am so sorry that you had to endure this absurd negativity.  Irrespective what the "negative nancies" say the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears  Working up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you'll face on the way to achieving your success.  You my friend have smashed it!

I totally agree that it is more important to contribute something to the world that is the core "you" rather than what "some" perceive as the norm.  I for one love the rawness, honesty and uniqueness of your book....like many other HS members have commented. 

Please continue writing...what is your next project?

« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 05:08:25 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

What doesn't kill us apparently makes us stronger....
I think I must've killed several chinamen in a previous life 😮

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #35 on: October 13, 2018, 06:21:20 PM »
That's awesome Nah.  I'll definitely check it out.  I wasn't around for any of your early threads (and came late to the party on some of your recent threads), so it will be nice filling the gaps in.  We all have different backgrounds, different ways of looking at things, different personalities, etc., but I love that we all come together under a common thread and can empathize with each other over this painful, soul shattering thing that happens in our lives.  It's nice to see the healing and repairing that happens with us as time marches on, and even the diversity of our different outcomes speaks a lot about the strength we carry as we find a new normal, with, or separate from our H's.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back
1 year later no signs of anyone new - workaholic


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #36 on: October 13, 2018, 08:31:24 PM »
I got my copy.

Thank you Lanzo.  Sorry if there is some uncomfortable man-bashing... I was angry for some time, but it does show my love for your gender if you stick with it, I promise...  ;D


Please continue writing...what is your next project?

I appreciate every word you wrote, Bren, really Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I do have an idea for my next project.  Teaser... I think it would shock everyone on here... and again, it's my true story.  To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to put it out there,.... still thinking about it.

It's nice to see the healing and repairing that happens with us as time marches on, and even the diversity of our different outcomes speaks a lot about the strength we carry as we find a new normal, with, or separate from our H's.

I couldn't agree more, Thank you Faith.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Online nahTopic starter

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #37 on: October 13, 2018, 08:58:44 PM »
Who is the audience?

That girl who was curled up on the floor covered in sweat and wondering why her knuckles were torn apart and bleeding is the audience.

I went to a friend (this was in the book) she said, "this is going to be great for you!"
I read Jed Diamond,... It was about HIM and not me.
I read Chump Lady,... she said he was always this way and I was lucky he was out of my life.
I couldn't relate to religion, or therapists, or people who had "regular divorces", I certainly didn't want to be around happily married people...
The place that I really didn't fit but accepted me was here... on Hero's spouse.  Even then, I was questioned.  Why was I on a "standing" forum talking about my boyfriend(s), calling my husband names, and constantly swearing?  Because I really had no one else that would listen to me, Hero Spouse welcomed me, not everyone related to my ways (Thunder always did). 

I had the forum but I wanted to read about someone who could relate to my feelings.  Someone who hated him, and loved him, and hated him, and loved him.  Someone who was confused, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, I wanted to read a book like the one I wrote, but I couldn't find it. Is it possible to be betrayed over and over again and still come out on the other side?  Has even one person done it in real life or is that just a fairy tale?  Was it normal to behave as badly as I was behaving?  Maybe he DID have a good reason to leave,... maybe it WAS me after all. Was I crying too much?  Was I weak?

All I could find was, "be strong,... happiness comes from within,.... He's not worth the tears, etc etc

I say NO!!!!

I say, wallow in it, let the anger wash over you, swear like a mo-fo at your Gods, have sex with a stranger and punch the floor until your knuckles bleed.

Why?  Because you were betrayed, abused and abandoned by the one person that you loved beyond all others and it's normal to be in pain and act like you are in pain.  Because you are fire trucking human.

Damn, there I go swearing again.  ;)
« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 09:03:12 PM by nah »
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Brenross

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #38 on: October 13, 2018, 09:50:52 PM »
Teaser... I think it would shock everyone on here... and again, it's my true story.  To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to put it out there,.... still thinking about it.


Haha thanks for the heads up.  As a LBS I don't think anything could possibly shock me....one valuable lesson you learn going through the obscuring mist of a MLC is that you don't judge anyone....everyone's life is firetrucked up at one point or another.  It's what you learn and grow from the experience is that counts. 

EL James (Erika Mitchell) the writer of the 50 Shades of Grey series received an onslaught of negativity for her writing style by critics.....guess the critics were somewhat out of touch with what the audience actually want with her unbelievable success.

PS - Do you know how many books sex sells each year?  Over $1 Billion per year. Those hot steamy storylines sell.....to normal everyday people.  I look forward to reading your second book 😜



Why?  Because you were betrayed, abused and abandoned by the one person that you loved beyond all others and it's normal to be in pain and act like you are in pain.  Because you are fire trucking human.

Damn, there I go swearing again.  ;)

Amen....and that is exactly why the audience will be captivated.  You can't get another quote that is brutally honest and raw as that......

« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 09:59:52 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

What doesn't kill us apparently makes us stronger....
I think I must've killed several chinamen in a previous life 😮

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Reply #39 on: October 13, 2018, 11:07:05 PM »
Also, who is the audience for the book? Why should they read this book? What do you want them to take away from the book? What do you want them to learn or feel or do or understand? What's the elevator pitch for this? I think that needs to be conveyed early on or else you are going to lose the reader.

I agree that Nah doesn't need to defend herself. Nah asked for critiques, not false praise, and I believe she really meant it so I don't understand why those who have provided solid constructive feedback are being criticized for it. I suspect the reason is to try to protect Nah's feelings but if you're trying to protect Nah's feelings then you don't really know Nah. If she asked for constructive feedback then I'm sure she's prepared to deal with whatever comes her way.

If I ever write a book I hope I'm fortunate enough to have Goner provide me with a free review. She's offered some valuable feedback. I think the section I quoted above may be the most valuable. There isn't anything wrong if Nah if wrote this book for herself. I expect it had great therapeutic value. And there's nothing wrong with her putting it on Amazon. It will make it easy for her family and friends to find it. But if she wants anyone else to buy it and read it then I would recommend that she seriously consider Anjae and Goner's comments. Wow! I just put Anjae and Goner in the same corner. I never expected to see that happen. :D

I had the forum but I wanted to read about someone who could relate to my feelings.  Someone who hated him, and loved him, and hated him, and loved him.  Someone who was confused, hurt, angry, sad, lonely, depressed, I wanted to read a book like the one I wrote, but I couldn't find it. Is it possible to be betrayed over and over again and still come out on the other side?  Has even one person done it in real life or is that just a fairy tale?  Was it normal to behave as badly as I was behaving?  Maybe he DID have a good reason to leave,... maybe it WAS me after all. Was I crying too much?  Was I weak?

Personally, I think this is the story. It's a story of pain and confusion and Nah's attempts to suppress them with alcohol and promiscuity, her continuing confusion but gradual acceptance, and her eventual rebuilding of her life in spite of her continuing inability to understand what happened. Or maybe I'm just projecting what I saw.

I have to admit that my comments about Nah's story are based on what I've learned from knowing Nah for several years and from reading her posts on here. I haven't read the book. I tried but I couldn't get past the first couple of pages. There's too much anger and anger is a strong trigger for me. I'm afraid I also agree with Goner about there being too much swearing and name calling in the book. Sorry but I had to stop reading.

Swearing? name-calling? That's Me,...If the book isn't me, why write it?
I thought I met you in person but you must have been wearing a mask because this isn't the person I met. The person I met was much more complex and interesting, and very classy.

I should quit while I'm not too far behind but regarding Goner's idea of capturing the reader by putting the elevator pitch in earlier. The book could begin with a brief description of the wonderful life you have today, then go to the horror of bomb drop, then the reader would have to continue reading to find out how you made it out the other side and perhaps by extension, how they can do it too. The story starts out horrible and stays that way for a long time, just like real life, but the reader needs to know that there's a happy ending. The same thing those of us on the forum would like to know. Real life is just too depressing. Stories can be real and truthful without being told in strict chronological order.

BTW, I would suggest lowering the price. It's pretty high for this type of Kindle book from an unknown author. If you really just wrote the book for yourself then it makes the book kind of expensive for the only people who will probably buy it, your family and friends. And if you would like to reach a wider audience, you should set a more marketable price. JMO. Everything I wrote was meant to be helpful, not offensive. If anyone takes offense, that's your interpretation, not my intention.

 

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