Author Topic: My Story Just Breathe  (Read 2405 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1156
  • Gender: Female
My Story Just Breathe
« on: October 15, 2018, 10:02:05 AM »
Previous Thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10176.0

Time for a new thread. I lost count how many this makes, all I know is that this forum has become my tribe, my family and I feel like I am at home when I am on here.
Thank you to each and every one of you that has taken the time to support and carry me through this.
The title to this thread came from my new attempt to just let things happen. To stop trying to fix, to learn to accept. All that is required of me is to "Just breathe"

Not much going on in MLC land here - I guess we are at a rhythm of contacting me every 5 months, which means February would be the next one. I still don't understand the point of it or the logic, but like UM always drills into us - you cannot taste the color green and we cannot understand any of this.
My not so favorite time of year is coming up - shorter days, rainy and foggy and of course the holidays, which usually means I fall back into comradery with my dear old friend of depression. Trying to fight it as always, but it's hard.

What I am currently trying to figure out is how to focus on the good. I am healthy, my daughter is healthy and pursuing her dream of becoming a teacher, I have a good job, I have a roof over my head and I have so many blessings in my life. The only thing missing is my H.
With all the good in my life, why can I not refocus on that. Why focus on only one thing that I do not have in my life right now.
I know I am blessed, but how do I get my heart to feel all the blessings that my head knows I have?

This struggle is nothing new to me really, I always struggled with this and I blame my narcissistic father for it as nothing was ever good enough. If you were excited about getting all As and one B in your report card, he would point out what a disappointment you are because it wasn't all A's. If you finished second in a race of 25 and were happy, he would point out that you did not win it.

My IC tried to work on reteaching my inner child, but it's just not working yet.

But, at least I know I need to work on it, which is already a step in the right direction. Patience, patience and more patience.


Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20108
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2018, 10:24:25 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, S.

Maybe your old friend will not be so depressing this year.  I think when you've gone through it once or twice it does get easier.  I don't know why that is.  Time?  Or just that you've already gone thru it once and survived.  IDK
I do know the 1st are always the hardest.

Do you get snow where you live?

I found the 1st winter was very depressing (Jan. bd) so I decided I was not going to stay inside and wallow.  I went to a sporting goods store and bought expensive winter wear.  Unless it was below zero I got out there every day.  It did wonders for my head and I ended up loving Winter for the first time in my adult life. 

Maybe find something you like doing this upcoming season.  It at least might help.   :)

I am glad you have so many beautiful blessings on your life.

 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6940
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2018, 10:25:26 AM »
66,

You sound like you are on the right track.  I'm not sure if you realize that you do sound better than you did a year ago.

Keep doing what you're doing, you're a lot stronger than you think.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2589
  • Gender: Male
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2018, 10:35:40 AM »
Hi S.
Thank you for asking those questions in your Opening Post.
I have alot to live for right now, my life is Good but i still ask myself those questions Everyday. I wonder if it will ever stop. I hope so but right Now i just want to throw Everything in and leave it all behind, move away from the ghosts and triggers and start again. Be free of Everything but i know that is not the answer.
The BS just gets too much sometimes

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline barbiedoll

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1834
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2018, 05:56:19 PM »
Quote
With all the good in my life, why can I not refocus on that. Why focus on only one thing that I do not have in my life right now.
I know I am blessed, but how do I get my heart to feel all the blessings that my head knows I have?
.

I struggle with exactly this as well. I actually have been thinking about this a lot lately ..funny you should mention it. I too have much to be blessed about and yet cannot "feel" it ... at all. Flat. Its very concerning to me actually. Hope we figure it out .
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline BrenM

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2018, 06:36:01 PM »

To stop trying to fix, to learn to accept. All that is required of me is to "Just breathe"



I absolutely love this ❤️.  My IC constantly tells me to just breathe....don't worry about tomorrow or next week...just concentrate on NOW...this minute, this hour, this day.


Following along on your journey my MLC sister.
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Online UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7133
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2018, 05:15:10 AM »
Yep, tasting green

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline xyzcf

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9466
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2018, 06:33:11 AM »
You have indeed come a very long way. It is so good to hear this..and I know, there are times when you probably still feel such deep pain...but the tone of your posts have changed greatly and I hope that the moments of peace are more and more frequent.

SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is very difficult. Try and get outside as much as you possibly can. Perhaps consider getting one of those lights for your office area.

I am fortunate to live in Colorado where we get more than 300 days of sunshine a year. When I go back home, I find the grayness and lack of sunshine really affects me.

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing!
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
Report Technical Problems

Online UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7133
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2018, 07:00:08 AM »
SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is very difficult. Try and get outside as much as you possibly can. Perhaps consider getting one of those lights for your office area.

I am fortunate to live in Colorado where we get more than 300 days of sunshine a year. When I go back home, I find the grayness and lack of sunshine really affects me.

I practically LIVED in front of one off those lights when I came to Germany from CO.... Going from 300+ days where the sun shines at LEAST 4 hours per day to a country where there are usually about 60 days in a year where the sun shines the whole day and maybe another 60 with 4 hours (that is why Germany is so much better at producing solar power than AZ according to some AZ Congressman <facepalm>)  kicked my furry rear end.... I've been here 22 years and still feel it.... at least this year we have had a glorious summer...

But, even being outside on a cloudy day is brighter than those lights in terms of sheer lumens (Candlepower) on the retina
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4182
  • Gender: Female
Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2018, 03:45:15 PM »
I think any holidays are difficult for lbs in general. Add SAD into the mix and it’s trulynrough. Hugs friend. Go easy  and lavish with self care all you can.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk