Author Topic: My Story Just Breathe  (Read 2403 times)

Offline FaithWalker

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My Story Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2018, 08:38:45 PM »
Attaching. 

I love your title!
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2018, 04:19:19 PM »
Prayers for me please.
No trigger - out of nowhere I spiraled down to the depth of pain. Just like when it first happened.
I know these down spirals don’t last as long, but it’s been a while since I hit one this bad.
Can’t stop crying over losing the love of my life. I still miss him so much it hurts.
Trying to just breathe and let things unfold as it is all we can do.
Let go and let God and God knows I’m trying, but dammit it hurts.

I know I will be okay, just not tonight. Tomorrow is another day to just breathe.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Acorn

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2018, 04:28:03 PM »
Dearest Schratz, I’m so sorry you are hurting right now.  (((((((HUGS))))))))
I truly understand the kind of pain you are describing.  It feels as though the sun will never shine again but it will.  This, too, shall pass.

You are in my thoughts.  May God hold you in the palm of His loving hand...
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2018, 08:24:12 PM »
Deep in our brains are all kinds of connections, even though they are not physically in our lives, those connections persist.

There are many holiday’s approaching. Our loss is enormous as is our grief. We do have better times but we also must be prepared for those bad days.

I hope you get some rest and that tomorrow is a better day.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
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Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2018, 11:09:00 AM »
Just a brief update - yes, today is another day and so much better.
I honestly have no clue where the melt down came from yesterday - it was exhausting.
Guess I got it out of my system and am back to just taking it one day at a time.
Wow - this really is such a rollercoaster ride, but I am glad I have such a safe place here to express myself when needed and always find kindred souls.

Upward and onward we go
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2018, 11:47:21 AM »
Aw S, I'm so sorry you had such a down day.

You have gone through so much.  Especially with a Vanisher.  It's very hard.
I'm glad it only lasted a day and you are feeling better.

Sometimes we need to take a day of mourning and feel what we are going to feel.
It's no fun but it is healing.

Sometimes I wonder why we don't all hate them.   :(
But being of sound mind we know their are sick in the head to do something like this, it's not their true self,  so we don't have it in us to hate them.

{{Big warm Hug, S}}
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FearNot

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2018, 01:10:06 PM »
Attaching S66!

Glad that today is a better day! Hugs and Prayers as always!
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2018, 03:14:42 PM »
Following along 66.
Yes you have came a long way since last year. Look at you!!
You had a down day, today you are back to living on. That's all you can do 66.
Don't think of last year. Just keep going. Holidays can be the worst, but they can also be the best. Try and stay positive 66.
Hang in there. The tribe will always be here.

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2018, 06:31:39 PM »
Glad you are feeling better today.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
Report Technical Problems

Offline barbiedoll

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2018, 08:05:43 PM »
I am so sorry you had a re-visit to the black whole ..it does suck us under when we least expect it. It makes us believe we are not improving. But the next day...we feel somewhat stable again, stronger and we do carry on again. So there is the proof. I understand completely and utterly that desperation and anguish... I believe that for the 1st almost 3 years , I was at its mercy and succumbed to such deep despair. But it weakens its hold and depth of pain as time and healing happens. You got back up again S66 and there lies the victory! I am very impressed by you and that is the truth... you honestly came up from the darkest of all places a human wants to experience. Keep going.... Hugs ! You are your own hero time and time and time again.
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

 

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