Author Topic: My Story Just Breathe  (Read 4251 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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My Story Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2018, 03:10:05 PM »
I’ve been having okay days for the most part and the upcoming holidays do not seem as terrifying as last year, so I must be evolving.

 Just curious what your thoughts are on this. I know we all assume that our MLC had FoO issues, which caused their MLC.
What if we are wrong though, and these former girlfriends or you get women are really their true loves and they couldn’t help but go after the one chance to make their dreams come true?
What if we should be happy that our spouses found their one true love that is meant to be.

I keep thinking it would be easier if I knew if OW was still in the picture or not,and I am sure he would tell me if only I asked, but then it might be more hurtful to know she’s gone and yet he still doesn’t want to come home.

So I guess, I just leave it be and do my thing and trust in the universe figuring out what is meant for me and what isn’t.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline megogirl

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #21 on: November 08, 2018, 03:17:40 PM »
Just curious what your thoughts are on this. I know we all assume that our MLC had FoO issues, which caused their MLC.
What if we are wrong though, and these former girlfriends or you get women are really their true loves and they couldn’t help but go after the one chance to make their dreams come true
?

Simply stated, this scenario is impossible.....

Because an adulterous relationship is superficial from Day One.  They spend all of their time sneaking around.  If a relationship is founded and sustained in hiding, how "real" can it be?!

Real love is built on mutual respect, and trust.....how could an MLC'er feel either with an OW?! 

Online xyzcf

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #22 on: November 08, 2018, 05:56:20 PM »
Glad that you are definitely doing better! I know that holidays looming are always unsettling.

Quote
What if we should be happy that our spouses found their one true love that is meant to be.

Unfortunately, there is no 100% way to "diagnose" MLC but there is more than just an OW in the picture.

Did he ever express to you that he was unhappy in your marriage? Did he try to figure things out with you before he left for a women he had not seen in years? Is he in touch with your daughter?

Because we don't get a chance to see them, we don't get to see many of the other "symptoms" that they show.

I still feel that there should be more explanation to the LBS before they run out the door..it just doesn't make sense.

Quote
I keep thinking it would be easier if I knew if OW was still in the picture or not,and I am sure he would tell me if only I asked, but then it might be more hurtful to know she’s gone and yet he still doesn’t want to come home.

I don't tolerate knowledge of OW and prefer to not know anything...as long as he doesn't want to be a part our family, then anything he does is meaningless to me.

The curious thing is, if they are so madly in love, why do they keep these women such a big secret???

You are doing well...one day at a time!
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline Thunder

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #23 on: November 09, 2018, 06:54:11 AM »
I agree, if they really found the love of their life, then they can be decent about it and do things properly.

First off, be honest.  I'm sorry but I am in love with someone else.
Second, get a divorce so you are not cheating.  Make her legitimate, not an affair partner, that's not showing love and respect.
Thirdly, be kind to the spouse.  They didn't ask for this. Don't blame her/him or use her/him or lie to her/him.

No there is much more than running away and leaving someone devastated.
That's what MLCer's do.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anon

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #24 on: November 09, 2018, 07:21:52 AM »
Quote
it might be more hurtful to know she’s gone and yet he still doesn’t want to come home.

He didn’t leave because he met OW, he left because he’s in a MLC.    OW is just one facet and if he leaves her, he easily could still be in MLC.   I wouldn’t expect a reconnection for 2 years at a minimum and maybe 3.   Patience and time - keep looking the other way for awhile yet.

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #25 on: November 09, 2018, 08:52:50 AM »
Thank you for your thoughts on this. Some times I just get random thoughts going and need to bounce them off people that are in similar situations.

XY - he never once said he was unhappy - as a matter of fact 3 weeks prior to BD I was still the best thing in his life and he missed me every day he had to spend out of town for work. That is how I pinpointed when OW contacted him as he completely changed over night.

He has not once contacted my daughter knowing that he was her 'dad' and she needed him.

And the other part was that two years prior to BD he stopped doing all the things he used to enjoy in life, which I guess if he wasn't MLC he wouldn't have.

Anyway - enough monkey braining for me - all that it will do is make my brain hurt from all the possibilities and nobody will ever know what the truth is. I guess time will tell and until then I have a life to live. I think some of us carry too much child hood baggage with us ourselves and this abandonment just brings it back forefront. I want to deal with all that and I want to be happy about being me and loving me regardless if my father couldn't and my husband can't right now.

I have been applying for several jobs, not because I hate my current one, but to find something to sink my teeth in and to be challenged and move forward. I do feel stronger in the need to find myself and to find joy again in my life. Thank you all for riding along this crazy train with me.


Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #26 on: November 12, 2018, 09:36:53 AM »
Weird:

This morning H send me an email:

Are you ok ? Had a terrible dream

What the heck ? The last 15 months I could have fell terminally ill, been hit by a bus, lost my mother or my daughter and he wouldn’t have known nor cared.
But he has a dream and has to check on me ???

I don’t get it. I really don’t get it.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #27 on: November 12, 2018, 09:48:27 AM »
Oh boy.

He obviously has you on his mind to dream about you.  Maybe the guilt made it a nightmare for him.

I hope you said...after waiting an hour or so, "I'm good, thanks for checking on me."
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #28 on: November 12, 2018, 11:05:19 AM »
It was 4 hours later. I just said I was alive and well and asked how I died in his dream. He replied he doesn’t want to discuss his dream, petname, but he was pretty shook up and is glad I’m well.

Maybe OW tortured me in his dream...lol

Pisses me off to contact me and then say he doesn’t want to discuss it.
First time in 12 months he used my petname.

Just odd. Really odd. Guess stuff is going on in his subconscious.

I’m just leaving it be now. Wish I hadn’t even asked about his dream, but it’s done.
It’s hard to not ask five million questions, but I won’t. Back to leaving him be to his own guilty conscience or messed up mind.

Hey, in case nobody has noticed - this MLC crap is hard :)


Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #29 on: November 12, 2018, 11:33:54 AM »
It is hard 66. Your doing good.  For you to make a little joking remark about the dream, shows how good you are doing.

You have mist definetly been on his mind 66. I might would say, he couldn't tell you about his dream because it didn't happen. That was his excuse to ask about you. But you never know with Mixer.
Either way, dream or not. Your still on his mind.

 

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