Author Topic: My Story Just Breathe  (Read 4247 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #90 on: December 21, 2018, 08:25:51 AM »
Sounds like a good plan, S.

We can't control what other people do.  That's on them.

Sometimes when this happens we get to see who is a friend and who isn't.  Some people need to be cut out of our lives.

I'm glad you're spending Christmas with your d.  Hope you two have a nice time together.    :)

{{Big Christmas Hug}}
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #91 on: December 24, 2018, 11:43:21 AM »
You are such an amazing person, Schratz!  That was a lovely note to your MIL.  Have you had any contact with him in the past couple of months? 
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Divorced as of January 2019
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 59
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #92 on: December 25, 2018, 01:55:25 PM »
Email from H on Christmas Eve:
Merry Christmas schratz !! Hope you get to spend some time with D. Signed with his first and middle name.
What I have noticed is that the last few contacts he adds an extra sentence and he’s never signed an email with his name - far less first and middle.
So still odd and I am too exhausted to try to monkeybrain what it means..lol

He thought of me is all I know for sure.

I just replied a day later with Thanks, hope you enjoyed your Christmas.

Not giving anything away - he doesn’t deserve to know what or who I’m spending time with.

Fam - I’ve only heard sporadically from him about the dying cat, a bad dream he had about me and now Christmas. The contact is not the usual 5-6 months as it was before so I don’t know if that means he’s moving along or if he’s done and just being cordial.

I must move on. I’ve decided 2019 should be my year. I have plans to declutter the house and purge a lot of unnecessary things, still looking for another job and will get back to exercising on a daily basis.

Just tired of waiting around and living in limbo.

Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #93 on: December 25, 2018, 02:52:34 PM »
Merry Christmas, S.

Yep, he did think of you, so chalk it up to...you are still on his mind and get on with our life.

No need to get any expectations from it.  Just a nice gesture, thanks H.
Hope your was nice too.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FearNot

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #94 on: December 27, 2018, 11:09:51 AM »
Hey S66! You did cross his mind! But I agree, Living La Vida Limbo is the pits and this IS your year! Do you, because you are amazing!
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #95 on: January 10, 2019, 03:35:51 PM »
Well, I survived the holidays, D and the grandrats headed back to school and the house seems so still and quiet. Took a couple of days to get used to again. My days have been mostly okay and just when I think I am moving along nicely, being okay and enjoying life - I catch a glimpse of H at work today and it feels like ground zero again.

It doesn’t seem like it’s been 18 months since we shared a bed and a future. It seems like yesterday and seeing him everything in me just wants to reach out and touch him.

Why is it not hard for him ? Will this crumbling at the sheer sight of him ever go away ? I just want to send him a message so badly but I know I shouldn’t and I won’t.

This has got to get easier at some point.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline FearNot

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #96 on: January 11, 2019, 07:07:34 AM »
S66-Glad to hear you survived the holidays. Those are some rough days to get through.

Well, I survived the holidays, D and the grandrats headed back to school and the house seems so still and quiet. Took a couple of days to get used to again. My days have been mostly okay and just when I think I am moving along nicely, being okay and enjoying life - I catch a glimpse of H at work today and it feels like ground zero again.

It doesn’t seem like it’s been 18 months since we shared a bed and a future. It seems like yesterday and seeing him everything in me just wants to reach out and touch him.

There are days where I feel this as well. It seems like we've been stuck in a time warp. Of course you want to reach out and touch him. I think that is a very natural reaction. For you to be in close proximity like that with him shows the strength that you have. I don't know that I could endure that. Keep going S66. You have come so far! Just breathe  :)

Why is it not hard for him ? Will this crumbling at the sheer sight of him ever go away ? I just want to send him a message so badly but I know I shouldn’t and I won’t.

This has got to get easier at some point.

S66 the crumbles don't happen as often as before and that is great progress that you have made. I think sometimes it is hard for them, we just don't have the ability to really know and that is probably for the best.

S66- I'll leave this here for you. It's one of my favs. Just know you're gonna be okay! <<<<<HUGGGGSSSS>>>>>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #97 on: January 11, 2019, 07:20:02 AM »
Beautiful song, Fear!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #98 on: January 14, 2019, 06:38:02 AM »
Thank you Fear for that beautiful song.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: Just Breathe
« Reply #99 on: January 30, 2019, 06:34:10 AM »
Just plugging along - one day at a time.
I keep up with everyone's threads and admire all the brave and amazing people on this forum.
I know everyone heals at their own time frame and I try to be patient with myself and not compare, but some days I just feel less than.
I hadn't been able to listen to music since BD so this morning on the icy roads, I decided to give it a try with the car radio.
I did okay for 10 minutes and then John Legend came on "Love you like I'm gonna lose you" and that's all it took to get me sobbing. I hadn't cried in weeks and thought I was getting better, but clearly I am not if a song can still bring me to my knees.
So, 19 months since BD and I am in the same spot crying in the bathroom at work - so much for progress - ugh - I get so mad at myself.


 
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

 

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