Author Topic: My Story Wife's MLC 13  (Read 2601 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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My Story Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #90 on: January 14, 2019, 10:41:46 AM »
“Assistant Dean G-Man.” I like it! Good luck—you got this!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #91 on: January 14, 2019, 11:05:14 AM »
Catching up Gman. You sound good my friend.
Good luck on the job.

Offline Mrs.Smiling

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #92 on: January 16, 2019, 07:56:16 PM »
I wish you the best of luck gman. Catching up with you and such a change in your posts.
Good for you. Hugs sent your way ..

Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Anjae

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #93 on: January 16, 2019, 08:41:39 PM »
Assistant Dean? Good luck, Gman.  :)
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline gman242Topic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #94 on: January 23, 2019, 08:25:58 AM »
hey all!

I decided not to apply for the AD position.. I'm not really qualified at this point. it's a hiring and firing team building kind of thing and I don't feel like I'm there yet and i also don't want to give up on my dream of teaching and working with students. I don't feel that being in an office is right for me, right now. I'm definitely  feeling inspired going over the earth science material for the test.

I really should have either just stuck out the military or stuck with geology. Knowing what I know now, it really wouldn't have been then hard to teach and i could have got started way sooner than I did. However, the problem was me, I just didn't feel worthy of it and I only took what I could have, rather than working for what I want. We can go back.. so on and so forth. lol

Speaking of me, W seems to be making some strides forward. She told me how much she really made, she said one week, how much she misses doing normal stuff with S, like getting up on the weekends and making him breakfast and spending the day with him and then the week after, she got talking about her grandma and some dreams she had been having. I think she's realizing time is rolling by and I said maybe it just means she misses her and she said she said she misses everyone. I couldn't think of the right thing to say to that and I just said well we miss you guys too and I kept rolling along without looking back.

I've been stewing the last few weeks. W lied about her income and how much money she had in her 401k. She had an extra 1k a month she never told me about, yet and I guess this was her form of monstering, she made it seem like I was the one holding the family back for keeping a measly 200$ a check for gas and food, when most of my job is on the road. 5 years of a thousand a month.. where did it go? that's 60k! Our house looks like $h!te because she would never allow me to spend money on it..

I'm blown away really. I know, most of you are like, welcome to the club, finally, but it's another level of bomb drop or hurt that's been opened, especially when she was making me out to be the bad guy and yes, I know she was doing it to cover her tracks.

So this weekend, she said she went to the hospital and was throwing up however my sister told me she had a scheduled day off on Monday, meaning she asked for it off previously. OM works for the government and had Monday off so I think they just took a trip somewhere and she took of Tuesday to catch up on homework.

I just don't understand at this point, why she has to constantly lie and obfuscate things. It's beyond me. When she was over last time, the baby started digging around in her purse and he pulled out a packet of pills. She very consciously lifted the packet up against the inside of her purse with her finger, so I couldn't see what they were.

I figure they were birth control pills and honesty, I'm  happy with that.. she's taking some responsibility over her actions. But I don't get it.. why lie? Why have to exert so much control over information and the way she makes things look?

it's baffling.. maybe she's been testing the waters, but all in all, it makes me frustrated. Even more so because I'm looking at how I allowed her to treat me the way she did, through who I am now and that's been a bitter pill to swallow. No you can't go back again... but you can wallow and kick yourself in the rump... and when that gets old, I'll, move on from that too. lol.

So that's where I'm at. I've also been doing a lot of reading on depression and poor coping skills and how it becomes a self perpetuating cycle along with some motivational stuff.

I really wanted to teach and I have goals to met for me and S; so i've been working to get my butt in gear and become a new person with a new perspective. :)

Offline gman242Topic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #95 on: January 23, 2019, 09:39:20 AM »
So quick update.. I'm on lunch running to have my financial affidavit notarized and she sent me photos of her patient paperwork.. Not sure why.. But you could see the birth control on it.

Poor boundaries? Slowly leaking the truth? Worried ? Just going to take it in stride...

I did some prayer work recently too and it seemed like I was told I should have more faith in my spouse.

Not that I would ever question God, but I would also like to reserve judgement for myself, if you don't mind.. Ivebeen through enough to want to get burned. I can have faith but also be cautious

Offline Thunder

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #96 on: January 23, 2019, 09:51:23 AM »
Very wise, Gman.

We certainly learn to protect ourselves after all this, don't we?

I think you're smart to realize that job was not what you really want to do.  Go after your dream of teaching.
I think you would make a wonderful teacher.   ;D

Glad she fessed up about the income and the 401k.  It would have been found out anyway, so why lie about it?

Hope you have a great day, Gman.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline gman242Topic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #97 on: January 23, 2019, 10:23:13 AM »
Thunder.. hope you have a great day too! and thank you! I think so too!

I don't get the lies either at this point.. that's come and gone. everything is out now or will be and does it matter now?

That was an issue in our marriage for sure. She liked to hammer away at the same point on me over and over and she lied through omission. It was like a broken record, she never missed a beat.. or something. ha ha

I think honesty is going to be the biggest thing I need to see here. So yep, guarded for sure and keep my eyes on my own path

Oh I bought a new bed frame by the way. My current one is being held up by bricks and I've been lazy about getting a new one. I spend more time and effort on S..  :-\ This is a part of self care that I am learning too.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 10:52:55 AM by gman242 »

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #98 on: January 23, 2019, 01:46:53 PM »
Gman, I share your bafflement about lying. My W will lie about the dumbest, most inconsequential things. She'll lie when it would be easier to tell the truth. I don't get it.  :-\

I want to do some more reading about depression and poor coping skills myself. What readings have been most helpful to you?
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Wife's MLC 13
« Reply #99 on: January 23, 2019, 01:58:21 PM »
Oh the lies--they KILL me. I don't get it either. But then, we are dealing with the  emotional equivalent of 14 year olds right? My H has also used the "throwing up and in the hospital" routine. It's pathetic.

Very smart of you to decide about that job. People all too often jump into things without considering them. Nice work G!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

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