Author Topic: My Story Depression & MLC Pt3  (Read 1371 times)

Online UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2018, 02:24:43 AM »
Time will tell if this is the end of our stories with them or not.. In the meantime, all we can do is to live our lives and see where that takes us. We might get to a point where we don't really care if they want to come back or not. I still think that scenario is very sad but at the end of the day, that's what they decided to risk.

It is a very sad Scenario but i think that it depends how much the MLCer has changed compared to the Person they were pre BD. My ExW has done a total 180, the old W wouldnt like who she has become, she would be sickened. I dont know this new Version and I have no Intension of getting to know her which makes detachment easier in one way.
Then again, if a MLCer hasnt "changed" compared to pre BD then chances are that it isnt a MLC and they are just done.


Yes, I agree.. I think for me it's still sad because my H is low energy and his behavior hasn't been as radical as with other MLCers. I saw the change and I didn't like it.. I told him in more than one occasion I didn't know who he was anymore.. But then he settled into a very withdrawn state, so my compassion kicked in. I wouldn't take him back the way he is, I would have to see that he's prepared to do the work that he needs to do and own up to his issues.

Ah yes, the Low-Energy Wallower syndrome.... I have one of those too this time around but, at the end of the day, it was those exact "qualities" that took her into her MLC in the first place... stuffing things down instead of talking about them, refusing to see anyone else's viewpoint but her own (especially the LBS's), etc.

These last 2 sentences say it all.. If they are not willing to do the work needed, then taking them back is setting one's self up for a repeat performance.. and, quite frankly, why, int he name of all that is holy, would ANYONE want to "Play it Again, Sam?"
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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Offline MKnight10Topic starter

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2018, 04:34:35 AM »
Quote
I have one of those too this time around but, at the end of the day, it was those exact "qualities" that took her into her MLC in the first place... stuffing things down instead of talking about them, refusing to see anyone else's viewpoint but her own (especially the LBS's), etc.

Same here - suppressing emotions has probably caused all this - she has suppressed so much she feels nothing.

Offline Silver

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2018, 06:02:48 AM »
Yes - I have a permanent air of sadness over me - I have a massive sense of loss. But as each day passes, my new normal feels more normal and I adjust to my new environment;

And if your journey is anything like mine, your new normal starts feeling better little by little causing the fact that you will see yourself questioning your will to have her back at all.
That may not happen and is a concious decision too (to stand or not) but it may happen as well, happened to me. Anyway what is inevitable is that you will begin to look your life from different angle after the worst pain lets go and give a little more space to your thoughts. I have to say that to me MLC has been but pain, also the eye opener I wouldn't probably ever had without it. May sound as cliché and not feel like it at all atm but I claim that saying that this may be the best opportunity to grow in your whole life, is true.

I hate MLC but I am thankful for it too.




"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Thunder

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2018, 06:10:50 AM »
"why, in the name of all that is holy, would ANYONE want to "Play it Again, Sam?"

Not me, that's why I will never marry a 3rd time.  ha ha  Twice was enough.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Whyus

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2018, 06:30:49 AM »
me neither, I dont see the Point in marriage anymore.
Its not like being married secures anything is it? Your Partner can still do what he/she wants with whoever he/she wants to if married or not. Vows dont seem to mean anything anymore as we all know, we learnt the hard way.
Its just my opinion at this Point in time and could well Change in a year or 2, who knows?
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2018, 07:16:21 AM »
Following along MK.  Hang in there man.

Offline Silver

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2018, 04:32:23 AM »
"why, in the name of all that is holy, would ANYONE want to "Play it Again, Sam?"

Not me, that's why I will never marry a 3rd time.  ha ha  Twice was enough.

Yep for me as well. Twice was too much tbh.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline In the valley

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2018, 08:38:23 AM »
My marriage was very good, I thought anyway, up until it wasn't.  I feel like I would do it again with the right person.  Probably be sure to get a prenup though. Lol. 
M39, W38, D16, S14, S13 at BD. 20yr together married 18
Said I love you every night before bed good physical R
8/31/17 filed for D, left papers at house for me to find. Didn't come home or answer phone.
Moved to her parents house 2 doors down.
9/15/17 discover OM and PA she had the night of BD.
OM 12yr older unemployed in NY city met online leaving to marry him.  Said "I've done things for others my whole life time for me to do something for me", "I deserve to do what makes me happy!"
10/31/2017 left for good.
D final 12/21/2017
Returned once 3/28/18 to visit family.
Convinced D to leave and live with her 6/4/2018
Boys both live with me don't talk to mom.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #18 on: October 23, 2018, 09:35:25 AM »
My marriage was lovely too...until it became a weird twilight zone of horror  :)
Maybe would have kept some things more financially separate....but definitely no 2nd marriage for me if only because it's the only sure way of not having a 2nd divorce  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline Thunder

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #19 on: October 23, 2018, 09:58:40 AM »
Whyus, you're way too young to feel like that.  You could still have man happy years with someone else.

Probably all you guys & Treasur could too.   :)

My 1st marriage lasted 18 not so happy years, 2nd one lasted more than 20 years (and those were very happy years).  So I've had good and bad, but no more go around for me.   8)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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