Author Topic: My Story Depression & MLC Pt3  (Read 1373 times)

Offline megogirl

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My Story Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #60 on: December 05, 2018, 05:21:58 PM »
The pain isn't easing; I endure every minute of every day, going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up; I take the great words of wisdom and advice from forum members who have gone before me, but nothing eases the pain.

I hope you take comfort knowing that we're ALLLL in the same, crappy boat!

Well....I do, anyway.  It was like an atom went off when I found this site, and the brilliant writings of RCR.  Whoa....this is CRAZY!  I didn't dream the past 17 years, nor my marriage....what has happened to me directly matches hundreds of others, too!

There are a few on this site that I think will prosper....gut instinct....and like my own situation, I'm hardly Nostradamus but it's just what I think :)
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 05:31:37 PM by megogirl »

Offline Acorn

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #61 on: December 05, 2018, 05:40:50 PM »
Quote
The pain isn't easing; I endure every minute of every day, going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up; I take the great words of wisdom and advice from forum members who have gone before me, but nothing eases the pain

First of all, I would like to say, ‘I understand’.  I have been there.  I didn’t think it was ever possible for the excruciating pain in my heart to calm down.  But it did... 

MK, you have made some important points.

1. You are ‘going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up’.

That’s the definition of Fake till you Make it.  It gives you a sense of achievement, a purpose and, frankly, it’s necessary for living.

2.  You are taking the words and advice from the experienced seriously.

That’s very important attitude and their words are the proverbial guiding light, and a mirror, too.  Keep listening to the vets.  They are very caring and put a lot of effort into helping others. 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Treasur

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #62 on: December 06, 2018, 02:09:54 AM »
MK, I would echo everything Acorn says.
It is a tsunami. It breaks apart so many more things than just our marriage and leaves us beached and gasping.
Most of us as LBS go through our own stages I think. From flat on our face to stumbling while we 'fake it' to baby steps of faith that if we keep going it will get better but secretly fearing we will never find that elusive normal again. And all while dealing with aftershock waves and rubble and doubt and MLC hand grenades and rollercoasters.
Actually as I write that, gosh, no wonder it takes a long time to get up on our metaphorical feet again. It does take a tremdous amount of faith - whatever that means to you - to keep stepping forward when we're not at all sure where the steps are taking us and each step also often means letting go of things we want to hold on to.

But you are not alone.
And HS will keep reminding you that this happened to you but not because of you even though it is real and you have to find your own way through it.
And that you are no less capable or worthy of following the stumbling footsteps of others here who have walked in your shoes.

I don't know if you are a person of faith. Or if you know that anecdote about someone asking God why, in their darkest moments, there was only one set of footprints in the sand...and God says yup, that was when I was carrying you bc you couldn't walk any longer. I have had plenty of moments when that felt real to me, when I just had nothing left in me...and I think HS is a place where we take it in turns to carry each other for a little while just like that.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline MKnight10Topic starter

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #63 on: December 06, 2018, 02:54:43 PM »
Kind, comforting words, thank you.

I'm not a great believer, but I've heard the anecdote before, yes. I feel like someone is carrying me; I'm not sure who. Minutes roll into hours, hours into days. Days into weeks etc.

I'm looking forward to going out running tomorrow and then a few drinks with friends.

Baby steps forward.

 

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