Author Topic: My Story Depression & MLC Pt3  (Read 3080 times)

Offline megogirl

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My Story Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #60 on: December 05, 2018, 05:21:58 PM »
The pain isn't easing; I endure every minute of every day, going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up; I take the great words of wisdom and advice from forum members who have gone before me, but nothing eases the pain.

I hope you take comfort knowing that we're ALLLL in the same, crappy boat!

Well....I do, anyway.  It was like an atom went off when I found this site, and the brilliant writings of RCR.  Whoa....this is CRAZY!  I didn't dream the past 17 years, nor my marriage....what has happened to me directly matches hundreds of others, too!

There are a few on this site that I think will prosper....gut instinct....and like my own situation, I'm hardly Nostradamus but it's just what I think :)
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 05:31:37 PM by megogirl »

Offline Acorn

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #61 on: December 05, 2018, 05:40:50 PM »
Quote
The pain isn't easing; I endure every minute of every day, going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up; I take the great words of wisdom and advice from forum members who have gone before me, but nothing eases the pain

First of all, I would like to say, ‘I understand’.  I have been there.  I didn’t think it was ever possible for the excruciating pain in my heart to calm down.  But it did... 

MK, you have made some important points.

1. You are ‘going through the motions to keep my head held high and my chin up’.

That’s the definition of Fake till you Make it.  It gives you a sense of achievement, a purpose and, frankly, it’s necessary for living.

2.  You are taking the words and advice from the experienced seriously.

That’s very important attitude and their words are the proverbial guiding light, and a mirror, too.  Keep listening to the vets.  They are very caring and put a lot of effort into helping others. 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online Treasur

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #62 on: December 06, 2018, 02:09:54 AM »
MK, I would echo everything Acorn says.
It is a tsunami. It breaks apart so many more things than just our marriage and leaves us beached and gasping.
Most of us as LBS go through our own stages I think. From flat on our face to stumbling while we 'fake it' to baby steps of faith that if we keep going it will get better but secretly fearing we will never find that elusive normal again. And all while dealing with aftershock waves and rubble and doubt and MLC hand grenades and rollercoasters.
Actually as I write that, gosh, no wonder it takes a long time to get up on our metaphorical feet again. It does take a tremdous amount of faith - whatever that means to you - to keep stepping forward when we're not at all sure where the steps are taking us and each step also often means letting go of things we want to hold on to.

But you are not alone.
And HS will keep reminding you that this happened to you but not because of you even though it is real and you have to find your own way through it.
And that you are no less capable or worthy of following the stumbling footsteps of others here who have walked in your shoes.

I don't know if you are a person of faith. Or if you know that anecdote about someone asking God why, in their darkest moments, there was only one set of footprints in the sand...and God says yup, that was when I was carrying you bc you couldn't walk any longer. I have had plenty of moments when that felt real to me, when I just had nothing left in me...and I think HS is a place where we take it in turns to carry each other for a little while just like that.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline MKnight10Topic starter

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #63 on: December 06, 2018, 02:54:43 PM »
Kind, comforting words, thank you.

I'm not a great believer, but I've heard the anecdote before, yes. I feel like someone is carrying me; I'm not sure who. Minutes roll into hours, hours into days. Days into weeks etc.

I'm looking forward to going out running tomorrow and then a few drinks with friends.

Baby steps forward.

Online Silver

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #64 on: December 19, 2018, 01:05:50 AM »
How are you MK?

I'm not a great believer, but I've heard the anecdote before, yes. I feel like someone is carrying me; I'm not sure who. Minutes roll into hours, hours into days. Days into weeks etc.

Yep, happened to me as well. To me he was (is) God. My healing process started after I had prayed for help, it was actually at very beginning when XW was still in denial/anger and I was really scared and anxious about what is happening to my life. Without my faith (I can't say I was or am "a good Christian" but I am defenitely a believer) and feel that I am carried I couldn't have admitted how near breakdown and depression I was myself. As I did, I seeked for help, many kind of help and started to do things for ME and to become something BETTER. It was amazing, I got rid of fear of being abandoned little by little (my demon number one since childhood) and many other good things. Didn't make MLC any easier but made me much stronger to be in it.

But that much of me, how are YOU mate?
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline MKnight10Topic starter

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #65 on: December 28, 2018, 04:36:40 PM »
Hi Sllver - I sent you a PM.

Life goes on I guess - doesnt get any easier.

Offline MKnight10Topic starter

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #66 on: January 29, 2019, 04:42:43 PM »
Minor update - living my life....eat, work, sleep and carrying on.....I miss my wife very much. Sad times.

Offline megogirl

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #67 on: January 29, 2019, 04:51:37 PM »
Hi, MK!

Just remember that the minutes turn into hours - the hours turn into days - the days turn into months - and months turn into YEARS.  Then, you will reflect and say, "Wow!  I've come this far - maybe I can actually see this through!"

Well, that's been my experience, anyway.  I'm at 28 months, and ticking.

I think we both can do it.....

Online xyzcf

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #68 on: January 29, 2019, 04:52:23 PM »
Glad you dropped by.

I sometimes wonder, this may be the only place where people understand that we miss our spouses even though they have done some terrible things...for others who have never been through this, they "think" that they would shut the door so fast that their spouse wouldn't know what happened.

There is no timetable for grief....everyone is different in their responses.

What are you doing with your time? I found doing volunteer work helped as did regular exercise.

Day by day, sometimes breath by breath and one day you will realize that at least for a little bit, you feel better...and then the little bit gets longer.

Take care!
« Last Edit: January 29, 2019, 05:02:34 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline megogirl

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt3
« Reply #69 on: January 29, 2019, 05:01:24 PM »
Day by day, sometimes breath by breath and one day you will realize that at least for a little bit, you feel better...and then the little bit gets longer.

I completely agree, but believe the very reason we "feel better" is because we know we are THAT much closer toward the end.  Obviously the timing of "the end" varies, but it means your efforts have survived another month.

Well, that's why *I* feel better, anyway.......

 

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