Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Fear Not!  (Read 3025 times)

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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My Story The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« on: October 22, 2018, 10:00:28 AM »
Previous thread https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10222.150

Apparently time for another thread! I'm sadly lacking in creativity so no inspirational quote or song! Lol.

Short refresher- October 31 will be the date that I first heard "I'm unhappy." I honestly can't believe that it has almost been a year since I heard those words and lived the whirlwind that followed. I never would've thought that I would could feel my life being normal again...not being filled with apprehension, angst and fear. Today... no fear, and not only do I feel more than normal, I feel like this really had to happen to get things back into alignment. I feel joy, happiness, normalcy at living la vida limbo, and that I am getting right with myself. I've learned that I can control very little, and that was a difficult lesson for me. I lost sight of myself and put my identity in my H and it was time to change that. And yes of course, sadness that H is still doing his thing.

For me this journey has led me back to my faith and I am so glad that it did. The change that has made in me is monumental. Not only has it shifted my focus regarding my marriage, but it has changed my outlook on my life in all aspects. I can honestly say I have had more than my fair share of prayers answered on this journey and I am glad that I am able to make the changes in myself that were needed!

Where are things at today?

The day after Thanksgiving I heard from my MIL. She texted to see how I was  :). I was happy to hear from her, and really wasn't expecting it. We had a brief chat via text and it was nice to know I was still on their minds.

Last weekend I spent the day with my SIL. She invited me to go to a Christian Conference and it was really good. We had a good time and had a rather interesting chat about H and the OW. Apparently the OW is into witchcraft and shared a vision she had for SIL. That apparently wasn't well received! H couldn't have picked anyone crazier or the exact opposite of myself!! I'd be lying if I didn't say I don't find that concerning. SIL has decided to distance herself as she feels like H is just using her and said some nasty stuff at Thanksgiving. His parents are quite concerned about his well being. My answer to all this...prayers... there is nothing else I can do.

House is still for sale, I had hoped for the worst realtor ever... I got him! Long story short, he wanted us to buy some stupid insurance (changed our MLS listing saying that without getting an ok from us) that was supposed to cover our arse on our deck being to big, which is a complete waste of money and will do nothing to solve that issue. He also suggested we drop the price 35K. Lol. It's going on 2 weeks that H and I were to discuss this. Still hasn't happened  :D. Although H did agree the insurance was a farce via text. Price hasn't been dropped since the beginning (we still haven't had the discussion from the first price drop the realtor suggested a month ago). Realtor messaged about a showing last weekend and I gave him the "what for" about his ludicrous insurance idea. Told him not to change anything unless we both agree to it and we would let him know. I screens shot the messages and sent to H to keep in the loop. Just so happens he was away that weekend with OW for her 40th Bday... whoops... sorry to interrupt the fun with a little reality check. He actually answered within a few hours and said thanks!! ???

Last week I heard from H 3 days in a row via text... nothing to do with the house. Monday I was at home with a migraine, he messaged about picking up the "bartenders tool" which is just a kitchen gadget that he's never used before so I didn't give it too him. I was sleeping and messaged back a couple hours later saying he could pick it up but he was already on the road.

Tuesday he messaged to see if the golf course we live on was still open (they have a fb page and website that would tell him that)? I told him yes, there were peeps still on it. He said he had passes to use and was going to  try go the following day. We had a nice convo about golf, he asked if I was in the tourney they were holding on the weekend (it's one we have always planned to go in but the weather is usually crap). I told him I hadn't been aware it was this weekend and no, and asked if he was. He said he doubted it. So I took a chance here... I replied, "well let me know if you change your mind, I'll be your partner any day!" I fully expected venom and rage about not letting go... ruining his life, keeping his house.. I got back "Sounds good" with a smiley emojii! I dang near fell out of my chair! Lol.

Wednesday I messaged to see if he got the tee time. This is the first time I have messaged without a reason. He said he was going to try walking on as a single. Later in the day he messaged to say he showed up and they were all booked and wanted to pick up the gadget. I told him to go ahead and feel free to hang out on the deck, as it was a beautiful day. Told him to help himself to the rum on the shelf. Said he'd take me up on that offer, hung out for about 40 mins, never had a drink (which was really strange for him) and peaced out. I had asked earlier if he was able to book for another day, told me it was his only "window of opportunity" although he mentioned the day before work was really slow and he wasn't going to be away much in the next while. ??? I haven't heard from him since.

I've been doing well, been making wreaths, hanging out with my cousin, squeezed in another round of golf and hockey season is here, so I am entertained!!

So far so good...Some positive moments, and prayers answered! I'm getting the feeling H might not be in a huge rush to sell this house  ??? I certainly won't be initiating conversations about it!! Lol.

Hugs and Prayers,
FN

 
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2018, 10:11:58 AM »
Following along FN. 
You sound good. Keep it up.

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2018, 10:45:48 AM »
A few positives there. 

Thanks for updating. 

Lower the price by $35k...OMG..go away little man.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2018, 10:59:32 AM »
Coming along for the next part of your journey Fear. You are sounding absolutely amazing to be so fresh in.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline One day at a time

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2018, 01:24:19 PM »
Following along FN! I'm glad you got the worst realtor that you hoped for  ;)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2018, 11:35:52 AM »
Thank you all for joining me!

Happy Friday! I can finally say that again! Every Friday I used to get hit by something from H. That has changed in the last couple months. Today he actually submitted a medical receipt for me  ::). Baby steps.

H has been a little panicked because the realtor is pressing him on this price drop. Awhile ago that would've brought tears and panick that H was freaking about this. That there was pressure. I told him I'd look on the weekend and let him know.  I don't think it would even be on his mind if this clown would just leave him alone. H sent the comparison reports to me from the realtor... good thing we legalized weed here, because I think that realtor is having his fair share. He is totally out to lunch with his comparisons, but the bright side is, it makes it easy to rationalize with H that we don't need to be drastic. We are priced where we are supposed to be. No one is buying...that's the problem. One house sold in October!The Realtor messaged me about a showing and asking if we had chatted yet as well. I said yes to the showing, I just received the documents, and we will get in touch with you once we have made a decision. Thanks. I screen shot the messages and sent to H to keep him in the loop. He was happy about the showing. My guess..another realtor wasting 8 mins of my time  ;).

On a positive note we have been communicating every other dayish!?!? Which is huge. This is the first time in a long while where I know I am only getting answers from H. The OW is no longer writing his messages for him.  :D. The grapevine told me that OW posted she dreamed H was swimming with sharks, made sure to tag him and made it public of course... My first thought was... she can swim? Then... is she aware that she is the shark? Had a good laugh about it.

Work is good, it's Friday, it's a nice day and looking forward to the weekend. Everyday I see the little and big things that God is doing in my life and my H's and I am so thankful. I am excited about the changes I feel in myself. That there is no fear, no panick, it will get handled. My hair has stopped falling out, I am able to exercise again. My head and heart feel like they are in a good place and aligned!!I never would've thought I could have a normal light hearted conversation with him a few months ago. I don't feel like I might vomit or cry every time a message pops up from H. Every time his name pops up on my phone, I feel hope.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2018, 12:31:06 PM »
Everything seems to be rollin' along just fine.

Hope you enjoy your weekend, Fear.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2018, 08:57:55 PM »
Attaching   :)
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Online Shelly7435

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2018, 06:20:25 AM »
Attaching
M 52
H 47
M 12 years; together 17 years
D17, S27
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2018, 08:48:30 AM »
FN - sounds like you are coping pretty well. 

Will be thinking of you this week on the 31st.  I'm betting you will look back over the year and be quite surprised at how far you've come since that BD. 

I did chuckle when I read your comment about legalizing marijuana - several of my students want to move to Canada because they think your country has it all together now that marijuana is legal there! 

Are you selling the wreaths? 

I also enjoy watching hockey. 

Still traveling along with you, FN. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

 

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