Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Fear Not!  (Read 2022 times)

Online RedStar

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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #90 on: January 09, 2019, 07:13:10 AM »
Although she does sound like bad news, I think it's actually a good thing that she said something! As awful as it is to hear all that, at least she gave a warning--know what I mean? I think it could have been worse if she just acted on this and didn't say anything.  :P

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #91 on: January 09, 2019, 02:17:42 PM »
PG, Treasur, One Day, Thunder, FW, RI, and RS- Thank you all so much for weighing in on this. It's been on my mind for the last couple days and it helps to hear that I am not crazy!

I do agree that she seems to be considering the position of OW should it open up/be created. That doesn't really scream friend to me. I think I am going to leave it up to her to reach out to contact me. We were always fairly equal in reaching out, but the last couple months it was more my side. I think perhaps that is a little telling in itself. Should she reach out and we meet again, we are certainly going to have to have a conversation about this, and I will no longer be confiding in her regarding anything of substance. I think "acquaintance" might be her new title.

Treasur- you got that right. She drove over me with a Mac truck of info that I had not requested!!

FW- I guess time will tell if she's heading into her own crisis or if she just has no respect.

RS- I think you are right with the warning. In more ways than just the possibility of her motives, but also in that she is not someone that I should be confiding in!! Better now than down the road or b*tc# slapped on FB with it!!

Thanks HS peeps.  :)

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #92 on: January 11, 2019, 10:49:17 AM »
Well it's been over a month since there has been a request for a showing on the house and the realtor messaged today. There is one booked for this afternoon. Funny thing was last night I was just thinking about this and thinking I should tidy up.  ::) But I didn't. It's not like it's a disaster but it's not in it's prime state that I was keeping it in prior. Honestly...there's a part of me that wonders why I put so much effort into making it perfect. This is H's deal. Not mine. Not like I would sabotage it, but really...why so much energy. I kinda feel bad thinking like that.

I have zero desire to contact H to tell him that there is a showing. Usually I would look for any excuse to be in contact and that is not happening. I just feel kinda blah about it. It's weird to not have that feeling of wanting that contact.

The rest of the week has been good. It's been busier at work so the days are going by faster. I share an office with a gal (B). We have been the same small space for 6 years. Never had a fight and work closely together. Last year was rough year for B as well with some of the things life tossed at her. Around September last year we started marking the days that we didn't cry on the calendar....because that felt like a huge accomplishment making it through A DAY without tears (they were pretty limited). Yesterday we realized we are 2 weeks into January and no tears so far. That's huge for us. So we made our intention this year to see if we could flip it. We would mark the days with tears, in hopes that there are more days without . So far so good! I have to say I am truly blessed to be able to share a space with someone like her. Where tears, hugs, laughs, whatever might happen, we figure it out.  B was a big support for me in 2018 as I was for her and we are both optimistic that 2019 is going to much, much better!!

Happy Friday HS peeps! Have a good weekend!!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Schratz66

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #93 on: January 11, 2019, 11:01:00 AM »
Forget the 'friend' and mark it as another lesson learned.
Damn, those lessons are getting way too many for me....I need a long semester break...lol
I would not worry about tidying up - it's not your wish to sell the house, so if he is that concerned he can come clean up.
I do like that you are at the point of where you do not want to contact H - wish I was there.
My favorite part - that you and your office mate decided to mark the tear days instead of the days without tears - if that is not moving forward than I do not know what is. So excited for you.
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #94 on: January 11, 2019, 11:13:06 AM »
Hi Fear, I agree with both you and S66, no need to make it look great.  Let him do that.   ;D

I have a feeling 2019 will be a good year for you.  You already are losing the urge to communicate with him. 
That a good sign of detaching. 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #95 on: January 12, 2019, 08:44:01 AM »
About the house, not your responsibility to keep it sellable pristine unless you want to sell it. Do what you have time for, feel comfortable with or want to.

About the "friend", while I , personally, would have appreciated knowing what my X was saying about me, even the bit about was OW the "one", the rest of it was fluorescent red flags under a blacklight. Contacted him because he "liked" her face book pages? Just NO. Meet up for a beer? HELL NO.

I get that you seem to not want to know what your H is saying or was thinking and maybe she should have asked if you wanted to know. I don't know about this person, but I've known more than a few who want to help and think we might want to know their mindset. I do, not everyone does. Then there are some who "want to hear both sides". Those I just let go, as they are no friends of mine. My friends know me, know what I do and do not do. Anyone going for a beer? Unless they had been doing that since before the breakup,  I don't need that in my life. You likely don't need that either.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #96 on: January 12, 2019, 07:26:37 PM »
I'm caught up, FN. 

You know best what to do about the "friend".  I let go of a couple very early on that claimed they didn't want to take sides.  It was very obvious to me, even in my depressed state that I didn't need, or want, their friendship at all.  I haven't spoken to them in over two years.  I don't miss them at all.  He and the new Mrs. are welcome to them. 

Been to any hockey games lately? 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #97 on: January 15, 2019, 11:50:57 AM »
Thanks S66, Thunder, Offroad and SB!

I am not going to put as much effort into keeping the house pristine. I am a pretty tidy person, but I have been next level for the showings. You are right... why put the effort in. Makes no diff in my world.

Offroad- lately I haven't really been interested in what H is doing or saying about me. All he does is lie and twist what life was to fit his altered reality of right now. I don't need to hear that crap. . Initially I felt like I needed every little detail. Now... I don't really want any. I get frustrated that H is still living "our" life but with moonbeam (aka OW). I have had to make numerous adjustments and H just keeps on keeping up the facade. It's interesting that I find myself easily angered by this now and in the beginning I was able to take it more in stride. As for the friend... she's playing both sides her and I am not too fond of that. 

SB- No hockey games as of late. Work needs to cough up those tickets!! Do you have a fav team?

Journaling/Update
Not much happening here. The weekend was good minus the fact that I was told H and moonbeam are heading back to Jamaica again. This messed with my mind a little this weekend, but the reality is... there is nothing I can do it about it. Let the moonbeam dust fall where it may. God has a plan. Let go let God. Some days are definitely easier to do that than others. H likes to continue to pretend he is living the same life, so be it.

Sunday I virtual golfed with some of my golf peeps! It was a good time. Can't wait for spring! Today I head to the dentist. Yuck... hate the dentist. Thursday I am going to see Dan Mohler (preacher I listen to on youtube). I have enlisted my cousin to go with me. Initially I was going to go by myself, but the idea made me super nervous so I thought I would just ask her and see. It's not really her deal, but she's always game for whatever and it worked! Maybe she'll even get something out of it.

My mom has been in Mexico and is on her second week. We have been able to exchange a few fb messages to check in but I haven't been able to talk to her. This is the longest I've gone in 12 years without physically talking to her. Everyday at 4 pm Monday to Friday I call her on my way home. It's a tough habit to break!! I finish work and it's the first thing I think of, but do believe it's been good for me. I know it's probably been good for her to completely get away.

Still no tears to mark on the calendar. :)

Hugs N Prayers,
FN

M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #98 on: January 15, 2019, 08:18:34 PM »
No tears to report is a good thing, Fear.

Progress!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66

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Re: The Story Continues- Fear Not!
« Reply #99 on: January 16, 2019, 07:13:04 AM »
Yay for the clear of tears calendar stretch.
You're sounding great Fear
And who cares about Moonbeam - beams turn into dust and then into ashes anyway
Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

 

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