.i believe GOD sent you on your journey knowing full well you would pass on what you learnt to others.
Indeed, He did, WGH...He knew exactly what He was doing, when He sent me on the first round, then saw me into my Transition, WITHOUT telling me what was going down, as He was protecting me from what was happening, as I was completely unaware of what was going on, except during certain times when He would bring me forward, give me clarity in my mind, and instruct me to do certain things at certain times.
Later, as I was coming out, and trying my best to heal, it was time for the WHOLE truth to come out; and it had the effect it would have had on any one of you; I sat down and cried my eyes out; because NOTHING was what it was supposed to have been, or even as I'd foreseen..as NOTHING was as I had "left it"; our lives were in chaos, and it was then the Lord gave me the whole run down on what had happened; and my memories STILL weren't there in full, and I was forced back to the board I had left before to get some additional information; and the experience there wasn't a good one at all.
I found I wasn't welcome there by anyone, except a few people(and RCR was one of those people who was kind to me) who were actually glad to see me, increasing my confusion, and I ended up in a scrap; but I found out what I needed to know, and was prepared to leave after my husband had broken his ankle..yet, the Lord held me in a "holding pattern"
He was waiting on RCR to open her board, and contact me, so He could let me know what to do, and I did NOT know what was going on.....in the meantime, the situation got worse and worse; and though I trusted the Lord in all of His wisdom, I questioned WHY had He done this to me; sent me into a "lion's den", and was just standing by...He simply said to trust Him, and continue as He'd told me to do...about the time I had decided to override Him; RCR contacted me.
I made the move over here, as per His instruction..and not long afterward, I began to process my own situation some more, and basic truths began to come to the surface, right along with the memories that were returning within me...a few at a time, and I began to see MORE clearly what had happened...and I started grieving for a time that ended within a period of time, after it ran its course...no one knew, as I didn't tell anyone, I just threw myself into what I knew I needed to do, which was the work I'd done before so many years prior; and I did know that knowledge would be added, as my healing would be gone through once again..only in a different aspect, and it all was completed in a timely fashion, as the Lord had said it would be.
I can't even begin to tell you the deep sadness and misery of that secondary 'let down' I felt...it was NOTHING like his initial exit from the tunnel that had gone bad..and all I'd had then, was the let down feeling that something was wrong, but instead of Him explaining what was happening, I was actually pushed by Him to purge my experience, so I would have room to navigate within my transition, and so my memories at that particular time were taken away from me AFTER the purge was complete.
That purge was necessary for me to step over into the Transition I faced for so long...you see, He HAD to do it this way; if I'd known the WHOLE truth at THAT time, when I was NOT ready, I would have walked away, and NOT looked back. In my eyes, He had PROMISED me my marriage restored stronger and better than before; and mistakenly, I would have seen what happened as a "breach" of His Promise; yet circumstances CAN and WILL change things; and He KNEW it would happen; but allowed it anyway, for the sake of showing His Glory; just like He always does, and since He always knows more than me; I completely defer to His greater knowledge and wisdom; though I will NOT always understand what's going on..and I might or might not later..HIS discretion on these matters.
Also, because human nature can be what it is; and my husband had "set aside" his one last most painful issue; one that he should have faced from the FIRST look into his issues, and he chose to run away from it instead, we were within a secondary bout of crisis; in which contained ONLY the stage of Replay, but it was a different TYPE of tunnel he had fallen into..as his processing within the first Settling Down Process was interrupted...simply because ALL had NOT been faced by him..and in the attempt to emotionally "block" that one issue, he'd still managed to resolve the REST of his issues, while keeping that last one at "bay", if you will, exited the tunnel going over into the Settling Down Process....and he really thought he could just "bypass" it.
NOPE, didn't happen, the Crisis WILL NOT be "cheated" of completion..it's ALL or nothing; there is NO halfway or even extra points for attempts....everything will be faced, resolved and healed within, or you will NOT escape additional bouts of crisis that follow as a result.
There would NOT have been ONE thing I could have done about it, even IF I had known..this was HIM; this was NOT me; and the Lord had to work things the way they went to get me to a place where I would be able to accept what was happening, so I would continue working with my husband on it..but since I stayed in Transition for 6 years, Settling Down Process for 1 year, and the Inner Healing for 6 months, the Lord had to allow me to get through everything; telling me NOTHING.....
In the state of mind that I was in for that time, I could NOT have accepted anything; much less this; I was the same kind of "swiss cheese" mind that he had been; and I could NOT take the additional pressure upon myself, so, the Lord DID hide this aspect.
I can see SO clearly now, where He actually shielded me from the worst it could have been, and so, there were things I never saw, as my husband actually got STUCK for all that time..and I really did NOT know anything about it.
Our son, during my Transition, was my stanchion; my help, my pillar of strength, and the Lord used this teenager going into manhood to help his mother(me)get through, encourage me to stay married, to encourage me as a person, NOT just as a mother, and he advised me as if he were someone with knowledge beyond his years..and it WAS like that, as the LORD spoke through son to me..and I actually LISTENED to him, often forgetting how old he was, and saw him often as my friend, rather than our son.
I suffered like any other MLC'er/Transitioner, facing the temptations; though I did nothing wrong, I thought about it...yet, the influences the Lord had kept in my life, helped me tremendously, and my journey took TIME to complete.
And you know, even after it was all said and done, finishing that secondary bout of crisis took TIME to complete..yet, the Lord kept working with and sometimes ON me, even as I reacted in anger, misery, and yes, even resentment....because I had COMPLETED my work within; through his initial crisis AND my Transition, and it was grievous to me that my husband hadn't done all that he was called upon to do...yet GOOD things really DO come out of bad things, and some I saw ongoing, some I saw later, and the best was saved for last, as I finally learned compassion in aspects that I had not had it before for my husband. And saw this man emerge back in February that I had foreseen, and had been looking for, for a very long time.
That wasn't the half of it, I entered several phases designed for hindsight understanding; and under His patient instruction, the Lord watched me make good use of the hindsight to continue passing on the knowledge...to keep bringing out, at least from my point of view, aspects that would NOT have been brought out if I hadn't been willing to speak of them...as He continued to work with me, He did show me that next to nothing had been written on the ending that happens....and hit me with a revelation that the majority of people thought it ended when the MLC'er returned crawling on their belly wanting to forget everything and start over fresh, after the affair at the end of Replay; and in situation after situation....not ALL, but MOST took the bargain I warn against taking, as a result, the MLC'er does NOT go on to exit the tunnel, and things settle into what a typical LBS THINKS is the sum total of the end, when it is NOT.....as result, within a fairly set period of time, and most of the time, it's within FOUR years afterward, the crisis rears it's ugly head again; but instead of the couple staying with it, and seeing it through, that was generally the time when the divorces were the MOST LIKELY to happen.
And I've seen a few in my time, plus made that necessary connection to bring this aspect out....so, I know what I've written is true. I also went back and did some research into the matter; to confirm what I had been shown...it wasn't here, but elsewhere this connection was confirmed for me.
The aforementioned paragraph was given to me not too long ago, for the additional information and understanding, AND as a warning to others that came this path behind me that the end of the MLC affair is NOT the end of the crisis itself.
As an aside, EVERYTHING I've written has ALWAYS been backed up in confirmation somewhere along the line..the Lord has never given me something that could NOT be proven to be truth...I have seen the confirmations each time come forth...and that, alone, is humbling to me, as I'd always simply written as He had instructed me to do.
Yet, this particular aspect did NOT happen with our situation, mine had gone much differently; but in some ways, it was the same as my husband tried to avoid facing this most painful issue, (and got CAUGHT up in that net of self deception) that I was completely unaware of for so long, as I could not be expected to catch everything that happened. I was unable to catch and try to divert it,(not that I could have, LOL) due to what I experienced/was experiencing within myself; it was NEVER my problem, anyway, it was HIS, and the Lord's....yet, it was made clear as soon as I had some good sense back, that this secondary tunnel HAD happened.
The vast majority of people who come through to safer waters/otherwise, go ON to other lives, other times, other places, etc..but I stayed; and I see the purpose of this staying until my husband was through his secondary Settling Down Process, and nearing the end of his Inner Healing Process, and, until every last bit of knowledge is written out of me.
I wasn't always able, nor will I ever be able, to answer EVERY question....some questions are NEVER answered; and people tend to find that out, as they travel on this road, that NOT every question will get an answer to their satisfaction, nor will some get any answers at all to most things....I was on that wavelength, that "radio station" tuned into that "frequency", if you will; and I'm thankful for what answers I did get; knowing the rest would either come in time or not at all, and this was in the hands of the Lord, as it always WAS, and forever will be.
I've often spoke of the "forgetting" that happens with people, and to be sure, it HAD happened to me, too, just after his exit from his FIRST bout of MLC....and this could have been a permanent thing with me, yet, the Lord chose NOT to go that route with me, He chose to restore my memories in an amount of time that was least damaging to my emotional, and mental state
It's one thing to begin to remember, it's another to remember in FULL at ONE time....had that happened, my entire mind would have blown to smithereens, and never recovered, and He knew that, so it was done slowly, starting with the memories of my marriage from the past, taking me through a process known as "purging" of the marriage, then working forward into memories of the crisis, then touching very gently on the Transition I had just come through, then it came into the present...and after that, I was ready to take it all on again, and see where it went, wanting to kill my husband at first, for his stubbornness, but that passed quickly; and I got to work doing what I was instructed to do in the months that followed...from the threads I wrote, the rest of the story is there, in bits and pieces, but I came THROUGH...with my sanity, my marriage, my husband, and most important of all, with my journey COMPLETE..and though there is still a little more work to do to finish the rest, it is FINISHED, done, and no more is to come....all that's left is what I have left to write, and it's not much.
God definitely DOES work in mysterious ways, His Wonders to Behold; and if He had not done as much as I had seen Him do over time in not just my life, but my situation, I can't say where I would be; yet, He was always, and will always be, the ONE who helps me, empowers me, gifts me, blesses me; and in turn, He has allowed my store of knowledge to be given over time to help others and to shine a light within their ways and paths.
Say what you will, but the Lord has pulled ME out of some very dark places over time, and if it hadn't been for Him, I would NOT be where I am right this moment...and I feel that my life is a testimony for others, not just within the crisis, but as one who sincerely believes that the Lord keeps His hand upon me, makes His face to shine upon me, and I am very blessed to have what He has chosen to give me over time and space...and even though He chooses, at times, NOT to answer some questions, I am reminded over and over in how His ways are NOT my ways, His thoughts are NOT my thoughts; I am human, He is NOT; and the majority of things are left for me to think out, and over, and figure out....simply because I learn MORE that way, that's something I have accepted over time....I take the first step, He provides the increase of my knowledge, understanding, and He will help me when I'm stuck somewhere in my attempts to explain something that I often feel is over my head, but not over His.
Yet, this is simply how He works within my life, and I don't see any change coming anytime soon, LOL!!
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Hearts blessing?