Author Topic: My Story Awake & Alive  (Read 2836 times)

Online Rosetintedglasses

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 736
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2018, 03:54:40 PM »
Silver

Glad you have managed to get some peace. A much better way to live.

You sound happier
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016 and BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Savoir Faire

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5009
  • Gender: Female
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2018, 05:11:48 PM »
You've done well with your detachment Silver.  Keep things going along at this pace and watch your W's life crash and burn.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Online SilverTopic starter

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1757
  • Gender: Male
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2018, 04:16:34 AM »
Thank you all...

MONSTER is BACK!

Everything has been quite peaceful between xW and me for couple of weeks. We had a good conversation of which I wrote before. But you know, it wouldn’t be MLC if the monster didn’t show anymore, would it?

S4 got ill at monday, high fever so I had to leave early from work to pick him up. I have busy week at work so I texted to XW but she told she also has difficult week to stay at home with S4 at tuesday. She then asked me if OM could help bc he is at holiday this week  :o. I said no, obviously. I asked my parents to come to take care of S4 for couple of days and they said they are glad to come. XW has never respected my parents, she always saw them as not type of grandparents she would want them to be. We really had issue with this as even they are not nearly perfect, they are good people and willing to help.

Yesterday as I was still at work, XW went to my flat to pick up D10 to take her to her hobby, just as we planned. She also saw S4 at the doorway but got really really mad bc my parents didn’t go to the door to meet her but waited at living room. She didn’t bother of course to open the inner door to say hello to them and ask how was S4 (who was fine, I had spoken in a phone with my mother several times during the day). She called me after they left with D10 and shouted to me about “people that is looking after HER son didn’t even bother to come to doorway to speak to his mom” and how they can’t take care of him and how bad people they are… I hung up quick, just told her that S4 is fine, I had another call in the line at same time.

After I got home and my parents left, XW started bombing me with SMS:s, using really bad language, calling me and my parents idiot, how they can’t take care of child (they can you know) and how they gave him wrong medication at wrong time (they did exactly what I told them to do by phone during the day and wrote everything down, I am registered nurse myself, nothing wrong or unusual with his medication…) She was really out of line and very angry. I managed to stay calm and polite, wrote to her that I understand she is angry bc they didn’t say hello to her but she shouldn’t mix her anger to our S’s matter.

She sent text to my parents as well, telling them they didn’t ever help us when we were married (they tried and did, but most of times XW didn’t let them to as they didn’t fit to her idea of good grandparents) and they can’t take care of S4 and so on. She threatened to report child welfare agency about me if they ever took care of S4 anymore. My parents called me and they were really upset! I told them that this is what I got during this whole year, accusations and threats and that I am not letting her to tell me what to do when it is my week nor let her threaten me in any way. I told XW that as well. She told me (AGAIN) that she is applying the primary parency of S4 bc of this.

I don’t have to think about her stage anymore, do I? 20 months of replay and still going strong.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Helpingme!

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2019
  • Gender: Male
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #13 on: November 14, 2018, 04:35:55 AM »
Silver
Your right.  If ahe just stayed all peaceful and normal, well that wouldnt be MLC would it?
You handled her well my friend. 

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20605
  • Gender: Female
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2018, 05:32:11 AM »
Monster just could stand being quiet for too long it seems.

Just keep ignoring her when she rants like that, Silver.  Answering her, even politely just fuels the fire.

Sorry she is still at it.  Protect yourself by giving Monster nothing.

I would also document everything she is saying so you have some kind of record of it.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7632
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2018, 06:25:15 AM »
Monster just could stand being quiet for too long it seems.

Just keep ignoring her when she rants like that, Silver.  Answering her, even politely just fuels the fire.

Sorry she is still at it.  Protect yourself by giving Monster nothing.

I would also document everything she is saying so you have some kind of record of it.

Spot on advice here... Document EVERYTHING and give Monster NOTHING..... Then, if she wants to play the custody game, you can drop the bomb back in her court and she can deal with the fallout... The courts will NOT look kindly to the affair partner over the grandparents...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Savoir Faire

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5009
  • Gender: Female
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #16 on: November 14, 2018, 06:36:41 PM »
Something different from the kids set her off and you got the nasty comments.  she probably already feels secretly bad about what she said but you will never be told this ::)

As others said, document her craziness and stay away from monster.  Maybe all is not well in Scmoopieland ;D ;D
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Acorn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2514
  • Gender: Female
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2018, 06:58:30 PM »
I don’t have to think about her stage anymore, do I? 20 months of replay and still going strong.

Silver, I”m glad you avoided being baited by her.  It sounds like she is pretty much stuck in the middle of MLC tunnel.  I’m actually quite relieved that you no longer have the front seat for her drama.  Keep on keeping your cool.  For your sanity.  I’m really sorry your elderly parents had to witness such classless act.  As other said, I hope you keep the record of what transpired. It may be helpful in an unlikely event that she presses to be the primary parent for S4. 

((((((HUGS)))))))
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline FaithWalker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2248
  • Gender: Female
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2018, 11:23:38 AM »
Sorry that you had to endure Monster again, Silver.  Good on you for being polite about it.  It sounds like Thunder and UM have great advice, since being polite still got you Monster, might be better to not respond at all to the crazy, even politely.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Online SilverTopic starter

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1757
  • Gender: Male
Re: Awake & Alive
« Reply #19 on: November 20, 2018, 05:23:17 AM »
Thank you all for the support and very good advice.

Looked like monster went back to it's hole after raging for a short period. Went away as fast as appeared. Good for her.
The next morning, after she threatened me and my parents, she still tried something to push my buttons, accusing me next morning for something that wasn't relevant at all.
I didn't play with her and she left me alone. After that I wrote to her if she really is planning to do what she said, 'taking away' my primary parency of S4 (she couldn't as she has nothing to base that on)? She didn't reply at all. I waited for a while and then wrote 'I will wait your response until tomorrow and then I will contact a social worker myself (the official that made our co-parenting contact, not sure what that person is called in English) as I am not sure what XW is up to...

She then answered me "that depends on you"  :o to which I replied "No it does not. I am doing my part the best I can and am not allowing you to threaten me time after time. I am suggesting that we stop this now and continue doing what we were as we just started to co-operate with each other so well in kids matters..." I did not wait her reply but let her keep her dignity, showing her an easy way out by changing the subject to S4's birhtday plans. She replied appropriate and polite like nothing happened.

No I still am not sure what she is up to, what are her plans but it is evident that she wants to find any possible reasons to use against me to get S4's primary parency. The problem in that seems to be she doesn't actually have anything  ;D You know it is hard to take me down with accusations  equal to dressing my son in wrong colored socks, isn't it??
Btw he is wearing proper colored socks every day... It is also possible it is all about her anger and projection, that she doesn't even has any real plans for primary parency, I don't know. Anyway I am trying to do my best with kids and to cope with her and that's all I can do AND that has to be enough.

Now things are pretty ok and peaceful again in my Lalaland. BTW her living in it bothers me less and less, which is rather empowering!  ;)




"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk