Author Topic: My Story Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot  (Read 1730 times)

Offline Sam I AmTopic starter

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My Story Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« on: November 07, 2018, 11:10:40 AM »
Link to Previous Thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10385.0;all

I left off my previous thread talking about me and things that have changed.  Continuing on that and choosing a new title, I chose No longer on auto pilot.  I am to the point where I am not just crusing through life.  I am participating and enjoying my life.  All of it....the good, the bad and ugly parts of it.  I relish in the good and use the bad and ugly to make me better....stronger in so many ways!


Sea - Thanks for your kind words.  So nice of you to visit when you have your own turmoil going on.   You know how to find me when you need to talk.  Will be there for you through the good and the bad.   That is how we all get through this.   Supporting each other!   

You will have more sunshine in the future....you are an awesome person and H is loosing out.  I am glad you don't see this as an end.   It is a new beginning....you just don't know what that is yet!  No matter what, you will come out on top and you are in a far better position that H.   He is getting the scraps that others prior to him disgarded because the OW is NOT a prize.  Keep your chin up...you are a prize!

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State  EA again?
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch

Married 33.25 years
Together 35.5 years
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 In Prof School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline Sam I AmTopic starter

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2018, 11:24:05 AM »
Oops...I forgot my brief history:

See dates at the bottom.  They are up to date.

Currently,  H is living somewhere...don't know where.  He was at his parents...then it was on and off at his parents...now it doesn't appear that he makes a regular overnight appearance at his parents.  Note:  I am not snooping....I drive by there daily to go anywhere...his parents live 1.25 miles away at the bottom of my access road.  He seems to be safe so that is all I care about.  I could care less if he is sleeping at home, his parents, his sister, his car or the park....as long as he is safe.

We are now on day 24 of no significant contact.  In fact that only contact was a HB text.   His choice.  I could reach out to him for so many things....but I don't.  I am biting my tongue.  Unless there is an emergency, I am giving him the space and time that he appears to want.  Anything on my plate, I can handle or postpone for a bit while he is in never never land.

Replay activities have changed...I have been told this is normal. This form of replay is not as high an energy as he was the first year.  More subdued.

OW is still in contact on a daily basis.  Ongoing phone calls and texts.

Cycles are unknown since I have virtually no interaction with him and he also pulled back again from visiting daughter and grand kids.  For them it has been 2 weeks since he had contact.

H is giving me money to pay the bills and he has not touched it.  He has increased his bills but it has not adversly affected me as anything he gives me that is extra I use to pay down on credit cards.  I am not living the lap of luxery but I am not starving.  I get to do things...just gotta budget.    Just recently he paid my Sirius bill.  I decided to not let it renew since I don't listen to it much.  He paid for it and renewed it.  Not complaining...but it is an odd thing for him to do.  He didn't tell me but I got the renewal notice.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State  EA again?
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch

Married 33.25 years
Together 35.5 years
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 In Prof School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline seahorse

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2018, 12:23:06 PM »
Sam - Attaching and following!
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Online Rising Phoenix

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2018, 12:51:28 PM »
Attaching Sam xx
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2018, 01:08:19 PM »
Coming along off of autopilot
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2018, 03:21:25 PM »
Following along Sam

Offline 9393roo

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2018, 03:33:44 PM »
Attaching Sam. 
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline exhausted

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2018, 06:54:23 PM »
following
Met 4/1986
Married 6/1990
BD 6/2017
D22 S19
No affair
Still at home in IC

Offline Acorn

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2018, 07:50:29 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Sam.  Hopping on board!

You are right to let him bake all by himself.  There is nothing one can do to hurry up the process.  I think the quicker we understand this, the better we can live our lives.  I think you got this principle in your bones.  So early in the process, too.  Good for you!
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Sam I AmTopic starter

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Re: Flying Solo - No Longer on Auto Pilot
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2018, 11:40:37 AM »
Acorn - I learned what I learned by educating myself and asking questions.  I realize that sometime we still need to follow blindly and this is one of those cases.  I am throwing my trust into the process.  So far I am doing better.  This is good.  I believe if I was fighting the process I would not have the peace I have to just let things happen in the MLC world.  I can see where I would be the fixer...the controller...taking all this personally....not letting go.  I don't want to live my life that way.  So I am trusting the process and allowing myself to be guided by those, like you, who have come before me.   All those journal entries, the blogs, the stories....they can all be a comfort when searching for answers that are elusive.

Thank you for joining along.

Ex, Roo, Helping, UM, Rising P and Sea:

Thank you all for attaching and following along.  Thank you for your continued support and guidance along the way!
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State  EA again?
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch

Married 33.25 years
Together 35.5 years
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 In Prof School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

 

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