Author Topic: My Story THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6  (Read 2565 times)

Offline Brenross

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My Story Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2018, 05:46:04 PM »


You didn't answer. Did she unblocked the boys's phones? If not, why are you spending time with a woman that has her son's dad blocked on the kids phones?


Yes Watcher did Anjae....



S15 has had my phone # for quite sometime now. Maybe since September so IDK why the continued phone talk. Does he call me ? No. S18 does not have my # nor does he want it. His problem. S15 took the # in case of an emergency.



Well done on your run...

Another interesting post showing the thoughts of a Mlcer.  Keep dancing that "Mlc Walz".....the music has to stop sooner or later. 
« Last Edit: November 10, 2018, 05:47:07 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

What doesn't kill us apparently makes us stronger....
I think I must've killed several chinamen in a previous life 😮

Offline Anjae

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2018, 06:33:48 PM »
They why were we all left with the impression the boys phones were still blocked for so long? Ursa though the same when he posted to you a couple of days ago.

Son 15 does not call, and S18 does not want to have your number. Yet, all is well and you get cozy with wife? Who is responsible for the boys wanting nothing with you?

Watcher, a few posts back (your previous thread) you were super upset you couldn't see your boys or talk to them. Now that seemed to had stop being a problem and all that matters is crazy wife who has sex talks with a married co-worker who tells her about sex toys.

I don't know, it is all becoming too weird.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #22 on: November 10, 2018, 06:51:14 PM »
I do have to admit it doesn't seem follow the MLC script, but maybe that is because it is still early yet. This feels simply like a mind dump from her. Not exactly reconnection, because the boys don't seem to be on her radar. This seems like the first awakening that HB talks about if anything. But that means she still has something to finish up. In other words, really cutting her ties with MIL, who is sort of in the OP role. I would recommend reading HB's article on the first awakening.

As for S18, he's a legal adult free to do what he wants and responsible for himself. If he doesn't want a blocked phone then HE should be the one doing something about it.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2018, 06:52:38 PM by GonerinGhana »

Online karmirtsaghik

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #23 on: November 10, 2018, 07:05:34 PM »
I agree with you Anjae.

Moreover, she admits that she told her mother (who is ostensibly abusive, emotionally, verbally, and physically), who calls her a w--re, and all other lovely words, hits her to take her kids. And she knows that she abuses her little son, body shames him, calls him names, does not allow rides on school buses, does not allow to join a gym. And she and Watcher are ok with this. Watcher, your kids need you. You can put out MIL (with or without your wife). I had a family member in my side of the family, who remarked ones about my beautiful daughter's crooked teeth, when she was 5. I told that family member, that she was not welcome if she continues this disparaging comments about my child. That stopped it right away. How can it be ok for a grandmother to call a boy fat,  to have favorites, and for his mother/father just say it is abusive MIL. But she is abusing your children.

Her statements today, that they are pretty independent is her way to coop out of her responsibilities. These boys do not need private schools, expensive lap tops, trips to expensive colleges, and other nonsense. They need parents who can take charge, who care. You know that your kids are in therapy. Why are they in therapy? Because their mother is not well, they are raised with a deranged MIL (who you and your wife gave too much power to) this is at the backdrop of pre-existing predisposition to anxiety and depression of your older son.

If your wife really wanted to get rid off her mother, she would have done so long time ago, the same way she got rid off you. She just needs  a "bad coop" to blame for all her dysfunctions, her mother does her laundry, cooks, and cleans. Her mother also pays for her, while she goes to work and discusses explicit sex subjects with married man, while being ostensibly married too.

And she wants you to condon this and say, let us live like this? Sorry Watcher, but to me there is a lot of cacophony in this waltz music.

I am sorry Watcher but I had to speak out. This is what I see.


Offline Anjae

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2018, 07:22:54 PM »
I don't know. It does seems something other than MLC. Or MLC combined with something else. Doesn't look like an aweking, first or other. More like some strange state of mind that is not like MLCer's one.

The boys are not alright. S15 is in therapy for the reasons Karm pointed and S18 also doesis not well. None of them wants a thing to do with you. Because they were lead not wanting to have a thing to do with you.

I see the same as Karm.

MLC is super strange, but this whole thing is even stranger.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Brenross

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #25 on: November 10, 2018, 08:45:32 PM »


MLC is super strange, but this whole thing is even stranger.


I totally agree and agree with several recent comments.  I have my own theory but will keep it to myself and see how this pans out....when another poster and I recently hinted at our observations (via Watchers journals), we were put over the coals and roasted!

What we need to remember is that we are here to support the LBS’s  - Watcher (like us all) has been to hell and is slowly regaining his strength and happiness. 

I too worry about the boys....I worry about the kids in every marriage breakdown scenario.  They are the innocent party and need protecting. 

I have made the assumption that Watcher can not possibly journal everything and somethings are kept out of his journals (which is perfectly Ok and natural - he is a busy man, and as we all do - we only journal about the issues that our mind is in overdrive about at that time), however sometimes the readers do not have all the facts and tend to jump to conclusions.  Watcher has detailed at length about his concern for his boys. 

I will be honest (sorry Watcher but I have my Mum Hat on) I do struggle with understanding how a parent would leave their broken children in the hands of a known verbal abuser (MIL)...I have come to the conclusion that there is more to this.  Watcher definitely has this under some control.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2018, 08:51:34 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

What doesn't kill us apparently makes us stronger....
I think I must've killed several chinamen in a previous life 😮

Offline Velika

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #26 on: November 10, 2018, 09:29:42 PM »
I agree with you Anjae.

Moreover, she admits that she told her mother (who is ostensibly abusive, emotionally, verbally, and physically), who calls her a w--re, and all other lovely words, hits her to take her kids. And she knows that she abuses her little son, body shames him, calls him names, does not allow rides on school buses, does not allow to join a gym. And she and Watcher are ok with this. Watcher, your kids need you. You can put out MIL (with or without your wife). I had a family member in my side of the family, who remarked ones about my beautiful daughter's crooked teeth, when she was 5. I told that family member, that she was not welcome if she continues this disparaging comments about my child. That stopped it right away. How can it be ok for a grandmother to call a boy fat,  to have favorites, and for his mother/father just say it is abusive MIL. But she is abusing your children.

Her statements today, that they are pretty independent is her way to coop out of her responsibilities. These boys do not need private schools, expensive lap tops, trips to expensive colleges, and other nonsense. They need parents who can take charge, who care. You know that your kids are in therapy. Why are they in therapy? Because their mother is not well, they are raised with a deranged MIL (who you and your wife gave too much power to) this is at the backdrop of pre-existing predisposition to anxiety and depression of your older son.

If your wife really wanted to get rid off her mother, she would have done so long time ago, the same way she got rid off you. She just needs  a "bad coop" to blame for all her dysfunctions, her mother does her laundry, cooks, and cleans. Her mother also pays for her, while she goes to work and discusses explicit sex subjects with married man, while being ostensibly married too.

And she wants you to condon this and say, let us live like this? Sorry Watcher, but to me there is a lot of cacophony in this waltz music.

I am sorry Watcher but I had to speak out. This is what I see.

I agree with this. I really, really think she needs to be seen by a mental health professional and strongly urge trauma counseling for you at least and then eventually your kids.

I'm speaking from experience. Like you I had a very very shocking and dramatic bomb drop. Although I managed to go no contact relatively early, I was in a really bad state of trauma for years after this. It impacted my judgement, nervous system, ability to make decisions, and also parenting. I'm saying this with a lot of self compassion, because I know enough about PTSD and narcissistic abuse now that I can see that someone who is intentionally mistreated and even intentionally tormented for a period of over a year could easily lose it, in big or small ways, temporarily or even over long periods of time.

Talk therapy is unfortunately not effective for PTSD. It's important to seek out other types of therapy as well. I think this should be the number one recommendation on this board, because I think many people here are horribly traumatized and are having trouble just getting out of the trauma loop to even allow them to step back and take a rational assessment of the situation. I know because I have been one of them!

I am not sure what kind of headspace I would be in if I had to have conversations with my unfaithful ex about his sex chat with colleagues on top of everything else, and then hearing him complain about OW and/or his MIL or any other one of his enablers. Now that I have been so limited contact with him, I can clearly see cycles of manipulation and self pity — that have nothing to do with me! There is a reason I won't go face-contact with him or talk on the phone, because it overrides my rational defenses. It's too easy to let old memories get in the way of what I know to be true.

Our kids have unfairly had to deal not just with a MLC parent but also the traumatized LBS parent. For this reason I feel strongly MLC needs to be recognized as a mental illness, so once it strikes the LBS can get the support they need.

Here is an article about a type of trauma therapy that is being proven effective:
A Radical New Therapy Could Treat the 'Untreatable' Victims of Trauma
https://www.newsweek.com/2017/03/31/trauma-ptsd-therapy-comprehensive-resource-model-treats-untreatable-572367.html

I'm not suggesting everyone do this, but I am encouraging people who may have an inkling that they are more traumatized than they realized, who are acting or saying things that are out of character, to seek out support in addition to talk therapy.

Watcher, take good care of yourself. Sending good thoughts your way.

Offline Treasur

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #27 on: November 11, 2018, 05:53:51 AM »
I have nothing to add to what others folks have said about Watcher's situation and the possible reality of how life has been for his sons over the last 40 months.

But thank you for sharing that post, Velika. I am finding my own EMDR treatment (which also has some similar focus on physical sensations and visualisation) tremdously helpful. And perhaps realising that I did have PTSD...that it was about more than the really obvious immediate post-BD shock symptoms...was a big and useful shift for me. And I had no big early FOO traumas and only one big life trauma from a period of illness 15 years ago. But many of us are pruned hard by this experience and the ripples cause some of us to get a bit lost in our own sense of how the world works and who we are after it.  Should I have got treatment sooner? Maybe...but I guess we only know what we know when we know it right? So instead I'm just pleased I am doing it now.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #28 on: November 11, 2018, 07:34:22 AM »
Watcher,  It must be hard to hear some of the things coming from your W's mouth.  Some of it must be really painful for you.  I hope you take time to process it all.  I will say I too am worried about your boys if MIL is truly verbally abusive to them.   One question I have for you...If you want your MIL gone from your house and so does your wife then why is she there?  It's confusing why the two of you can't make her go.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 6
« Reply #29 on: November 11, 2018, 09:36:03 AM »
I find it extremely laughable at times. Everyone says my W is mentally ill or having a mlc but in the same breath you want her to have the answers to life at the same time. Hahahaha.

I'm sorry to report that my W has NO ANSWERS. Not even a single answer. I have to say, the phones, are the furthest thing from my mind.

No one has a clue of what I'm seeing up close. If I presented it I would be criticized and have it thrown back at me like some of my other posts.

I'm trying to present and document the crisis and I'm sorry that I just dont have answers for anyone.

I will post what I'm about to post and then it will be thrown back at me. At some point I just have to stop posting about her.

Hmm, let's see. I'm trying to gain her trust. I'm trying not to be judgemental. I'm trying to understand what shes going through. IDK I think they call it laying groundwork.

The woman is spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically BROKEN. What are we failing to see ?

Yes I hear a lot. Hmm, again she is in love with another man. Yep, I have to hear it. A lot. Yes and there are triggers. We ran into it in Philly. I knew ahead of time the area was named after OM last name. We didnt have enter that area. I could have steered her away.

 I knew it was there, however, I'm trying to show her that it will ALWAYS be there and we have to live with it AND she will have a husband who will not beat her up over it.

You know she cries every night I drop her off at home. It's not fake. It takes her awhile to get out of the car and leave. Today is a horrible day for her. Nov 11th is their day and she is going to have a horrible day. She had an overwhelming urge to call OM last night and instead she called me and I listened to her and tried to talk some sense.

Yes she wants me back in her life. She has no one who understands her. Maybe if others see that I accept the situation then they will leave her alone. I cannot emphasis it enough that she is alone in the world.

If compassion for her makes me a sucker than so be it. My sons, who everyone worry about, deserve a mother. I'm trying to do my part here. Yes it sucks being me. Sometimes we have to think Big Picture.

WNM, the fallout with MIL is only 2 months old so I have to see how it develops. She keeps saying we have to get rid of them but she no ideas. Its going to boil over eventually and maybe they will just leave. For us it's really only been 8-9 days of communication so I have to wait and see myself.

There is so much more that I could post but I would be blasted off the forum and my personally life is stressful enough.  ;D

Enjoy the day everyone. Truly enjoy it.

Thanks





 

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