Author Topic: My Story It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.  (Read 193 times)

Online Nevertoomuch85Topic starter

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Starting a new thread. Would someone be so kind as to link the old one? Please and thank you.

Recap: together 13 years shared custody of S5. I have 3 grown children from a previous marriage. BD February 24, 2018.  ILYBNILWY, she needs space. Went to stay with S27 and DIL, GS3. The locks were changed  and here I stayed. After 2 months DIL left my S27 and moved in with my Mlcer(Irish) I thought they were having an affair but think I was wrong.

The first 4 months were spent distancing from me and S5. She was diagnosed with BRCA and had cervical cancer surgery in the summer. She has been a clinger ever since. Her relationship with S5 is more normal now and has to see him every day. She is finally laughing with him and showing him affection. I am in the friend zone. She seems to trust me mostly and comes to me for advice. She goes dancing every Friday night and comes over the next day to tell me all that happens. She repeatedly tells me that she is not looking for a relationship with anyone, that she is not attracted to anyone. That she has no sex drive. She thinks she is going through early menopause. She knows she has FOO issues and is seeking therapy for it. Raised by two narcissistic parents and only feeling as good as the last great thing that she accomplished.  She is also dealing with anorexia.

Her mother visits 2 times a year and I was very proud when she cancelled on her mother this visit as she wanted time to work through her therapy about her mom. Well, her mother decided to come anyway. She is currently visiting. Even decided to stay an extra week for Thanksgiving.  Yesterday when I dropped off S5, I caught MILES talking to the neighbor about buying the neighbors house right next door! I think this would be bad, bad, bad.  As for DIL, Irish is tired of her and has given her notice to move out.  This should be a very interesting week.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2018, 08:39:11 AM »
Following along 85.
Hang in there.  You doing good.

Offline Jay78

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2018, 08:45:29 AM »
Following along.
Wow. The good thing you have s5. Most importantly

Remember one day at a time
At BD
Lesbian marriage
Me39,W36
S9,D9,S8 adopted all three
Together almost 10yrs
Bomb Drop - April 2017
W movedout - May,2017
OW  May orJune,2017 maybe even longer
Currently 2018
Me40, W38
S10,D10,S9
____________________________________________________
A  DAY AT  A TIME,  WITH GOD ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Online Nevertoomuch85Topic starter

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2018, 09:32:43 AM »
Hi Helping and Jay. Thanks for following along. Yesterday was not good. Before I tackle what happened in need to go back to last Friday. I've said before that S5 is autistic, so he needs his routine and has a hard time communicating his emotional needs. MIL is staying with Irish and is visiting for 2 weeks. I was asked if they could keep S5 Thursday thru Saturday. Which I agreed. Friday night Irish decided to go out dancing with her hot mess friend and didn't get home until very late. S5 had a really hard night. Not having mommy or mama to put him to bed. I heard he finally passed out on the couch at 11pm. I wasn't angry at this. It was an unfortunate learning experience.

Fast forward to 3 days ago. My MLCer was dropping off our son and we were talking about the new Freddie Mercury movie. I said it was playing up the street and she asked me if I wanted to go see it and we could go together. I told her that I had definitely planned to see it and agreed...Now I knew that there was a very good chan6that she would change her mind. Yesterday  (the day of the movie) I got a phone call at 1pm from Irish telling me that her hot mess friend was having a crisis and she was leaving work to go talk to her. Something about the friends daughter leaving rehab and eloping. I told Irish that we could go to the movie tomorrow instead if she was too tired. She said "let me see how I feel" Now I want to be clear that I was not upset about the movie. I expected it, but when I texted her 4 hours later to see when she was going to pick up S5 and she told me that she needed a couple more hours and could I drop him off to her mom, I got a bit angry. I told her no. I didn't want to do that incase she took longer and caused S5 anxiety. Then I asked if I should just keep him and she said yes. Now I'm fumimg mad. I said sure. I will just tell him that mommy isn't coming. Then I said "so you're basically choosing your friend over your son."  I asked what could be more important that him. She told me that I was making her feel like a bad parent and that she didn't do anything wrong and couldn't understand why I was mad. I told her that it's important pick up S5 on the days and times that he's expecting her. That nothing should be more important than him and then I asked "who are you?" After an hour of back and forth she agreed to come and get him. Even though she didn't do anything wrong.

About 2 minutes after we were done texting MIL called me and wanted to know if I had talked to Irish. I said yes. MIL acted like she hadn't talked to her all day, then asked me if I still wanted to go to that movie by myself or with someone else, I could bring S5 to her and she would watch him. I told her that I was definitely going to that movie by myself or with someone else, but that it wouldn't be tonight and that Irish was on her way to pick up S5.  I immediately called Irish on the phone. No answer. I sent a text. "Your mom just called me. I'm done."

When she got to my house she looked like a beaten dog and was very apologetic. Even though she didn't do anything wrong. I told her I was done with her mother and I was tired of all the mind messing that she does. (There is way more I haven't told about that) then Irish said "how do you think I feel? That was my whole childhood!" I said "I know, but I can't do it anymore." With that, she left.

Now today is a new day and I believe that it could be good, but something inside me has changed. I'm getting tired. I'm greatful for yesterday because it was an eye opener to where her priorities are, and just for the record, I will not be going to that movie with her. Thank you for listening.

Online Nevertoomuch85Topic starter

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2018, 09:03:02 PM »
Well, after the big blow up last night I seriously thought that there would be crickets today, but no. She broke the ice with a text telling me that her phone was doing an update and she would be unreachable for 11 minutes. Lol. Then just basically little chatty texts all day. I am getting very concerned about her anorexia. She said she hadn't eaten in 2 days because of stress and she is beginning to look pale with dark circles under her eyes and I've never seen her so thin. I pray that she gets some help. It will be her and MIL having thanksgiving together. They are ordering turkey dinner from a local supermarket. Her mom is anorexic too. I hope they actually eat. I also hope that Irish can get some healing. The person to answer all of her childhood answers is right there in front of her, but I don't know if she can find the courage to ask her. It is my opinion that her mother is very emotionally deficient.

Online Nevertoomuch85Topic starter

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2018, 10:14:33 PM »
I think I have finally hit the place where I'm ready to let go. The last few weeks have really done me in. Irish still comes over every day. She is polite and always asks first. The partying on the weekend has really seemed to kick into higher gear. She likes to go to clubs with her hot mess friend from work. She constantly tells me that she dances by herself and that she has no sex drive. She says that dancing gets her out of her head sometimes and it's therapeutic. She is seeing an IC and is working through some childhood trauma.

Last weekend she went you Lake Tahoe for the weekend and hit Reno for the Santa beer crawl. This trip was hard for me because I know how crazy it gets. I kept my lip zipped and let her to it. She always brings me back To shirts when she goes out of town and my closet is getting full of shirts from all the places that she's been without me and it's starting to feel like I slap in the face. 

Every time she comes over I am light and breezy. I ask no questions. She shares her problems and asks my advice. I'm just starting to feel a bit nutts and foolish and I'm seriously considering telling her that we can't hang out anymore. I'm just not sure how to do it when she's nice all of the time. I would also like to add that she has invited me out to do things 5 times since summer and has flaked on every one. I've brought up to her a couple of times that maybe we shouldn't spend so much time together and she panicked and cried and told me that she needs me in her life. I love her but it's driving me batty.

Online Nevertoomuch85Topic starter

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Re: It's all happening...Every new day is a chance for something good.
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2018, 10:35:38 PM »
So my question is how do I unlodge myself from a catagory 10 clinger without damaging my chances for reconciliation later?

 

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