[LettingGo]

I fantasize and hope that one day my husband will spew at his adultery partner the way Mel is spewing at his. Should I be ashamed to say this? Maybe, but I'm entitled to my feelings and they are not so charitable right now. She deserves to feel like s**t and I can only hope it happens on a regular basis. Life is so unjust and I would just like to find a little justice. HB says our husbands will feel the consequences of their guilt for the rest of their lives. I don't actually want to punish my husband, but can't help him with the guilt. I bear the guilt of some of my past actions willingly because it is appropriate even though I forgive myself. Why should anyone else be let off the hook? While I am trying to find forgiveness for her, my children suffer and she is screwing my husband with no thought whatsoever about us.

[Mermaid]

I sympathise. My H is only having an EA, which means they pair if them can convince themselves they are not doing anything wrong. I fantasise about my H finally seeing through her, seeing her for the spoilt manipulative girl that she is. I fantasise about telling her what I think of her. I cannot imagine how much worse you feel, LG, in your situation!

The worst thing is that this venemous feeling can destroy us. That's what we have to overcome in order to forgive and find peace. Hard, isn't it?

[MarkedandHealed]

The only fantasy re: OW I've had recently (although not in the beginning) is that OW will go back to OWH and apologize and make up to him... he seems like a sweet guy - and leave MY H alone to go through his MLC without her.

I pray for her often and hope that she wakes up because she is clearly in some sort of crisis, whether it's MLC or not. I suspect it is. She is clearly not right in the head. I don't wish punishment on anyone, instead I pray for her salvation. Although I do sometimes daydream about her apologizing to me in a way that it becomes clear that she recognizes what she's (AND my H) done to my marriage and family.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

I don't have any fantasies about confronting OW or having anything to do with her; I hope that I NEVER meet her.  I kept thinking about what my H said when he was giving me the "speech" for the last time (received it 3 times); he said that he needed to be on his own for a while, to find "his own voice" - well, seems that OW is now his voice as she seems to be his puppet master; she is possessive and controling.  How is that being "on his own" or finding "his own voice"?  I pray that he will wake up and see through all of her BS, but that hope dwindles a little bit more every day :-(.

When I was on another MLC website forum, a woman joined and told her story; her marriage was ending because her H was having an affair and giving her all the MLC behaviors; further in her story, she reveals that SHE was her H's OW before they were married; SHE broke up her H's first marriage!  She also said that she used every trick in the book and fought hard to steal this man away from his wife, and she felt victorious when she "won" him.  WOW, I posted a comment to her thread that she was brave to post that story on a forum that was filled with woman who were pissed off and hurt because their H's were having an affair.

[OldPilot]

Sorry to say that is more common than you may think.

Hey with divorce rates running at 50% lots of people get remarried.
So now my question is, are they all in MLC?

[Buggy31]

I can hear another voice too.  One that is not his.  It seems as though he is brainwashed.  I don't mean innocent I just mean sucked into somebody else's ideas.  Ideas that would have been ludicrous before.  For example, "Tell me how this could be hurting our children?" or "Is it good to stay together for the children?"  My husband also mimics my voice too. He's actually using language that I use during the crisis. The problem is that he doesn't have his "own voice" either.

[HeartsBlessing]

When I was on another MLC website forum, a woman joined and told her story; her marriage was ending because her H was having an affair and giving her all the MLC behaviors; further in her story, she reveals that SHE was her H's OW before they were married; SHE broke up her H's first marriage!  She also said that she used every trick in the book and fought hard to steal this man away from his wife, and she felt victorious when she "won" him.  WOW, I posted a comment to her thread that she was brave to post that story on a forum that was filled with woman who were pissed off and hurt because their H's were having an affair.

I once knew a lady years ago who was like this; she married her affair...and well, what went around, came around...but hers ended quite well; she came through WITH her husband...and it was posted on another forum.  Believe it or not, I NEVER got anything from the Lord to tell her, although I kept up with her story, right through to the end, and I really liked her alot.

I respected her honesty and she was forthcoming about what she'd done so many years before this.

She KNEW what she'd done in stealing another woman's husband had indeed come back to haunt her; as she'd interrupted his MLC..and when they went through, it was WORSE than it had been the first time, and lasted longer.


Ladies, I'm going to tell you all something; if your husband's didn't want to have an affair, regardless of what was happening within them, they wouldn't be having an affair.   Your husbands are WEAK people who fell to temptation.

It takes TWO people to make up an affair, and say what you want, blame the OW if you want; but your HUSBAND'S were just as responsible for what happened as the OW.

At first, I put ALL the blame on the OW, but as time went by, the LORD began to deal with me about who had the most blame..and it was my husband who carried the MOST responsibility for being WEAK and falling to temptation.

I realize some of you don't want to hear that; yet,  I'm speaking truth here...I know that until I could find the strength to forgive the OW and my husband, I could NOT move forward myself.

OW/OM does NOT deserve ANY of your energy of thought, or even the "fantasies" of confrontation...when you allow your mind to dwell on the OW/OM, you give him/her POWER over YOU...and it can lead to being VERY bitter.

You may say it wouldn't happen to you, but when you keep the affair within your thoughts, your anger grows...don't give this power; it will eat you alive; and you will be the one who pays emotionally when you don't sleep at night because these thoughts stay after you.

God WILL deal with the affairees, don't think for one minute He won't.  It may not happen as fast as you would like it to, but I've found that as long as I held onto the thoughts of revenge, otherwise; it was HURTING ME, NOT THEM.

Learn to let go, forgive OW/OM....and STOP fantasizing about things that you KNOW aren't going to happen.

You'll be fortunate if they ever apologize for even HALF of what they do during the crisis...although the guilt will be within them.  Mine apologized to me, but still put me through much more before it was finished; as he was working out many things within himself, and I had to deal with and accept it. 

Men can be sneaky creatures when it comes down to it(Sorry, OP, you may not be that way, but some men are), and they will slide back in as much as possible as the crisis winds down; and they "sneak" their way back in.

I watched my husband's ACTIONS and the CHANGES he went through; words didn't mean anything to me.  ACTIONS, and positive CHANGE within them are most important..you will see what I speak of down the line; when/if they progress forward as time goes on.

Just a little food for thought.

Don't be offended; the words may look angry; but I've been in your shoes before, and know how you feel....and that knowing is what keeps me continuing to reveal who I am, and what I did, and what I learned within this.

I firmly believe that "vengeance is mine saith the Lord" and I've seen that vengeance in action before...it didn't come when I thought it should have come, but it came in God's time, which certainly wasn't mine. 

Y'all have a good one.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Thanks for your insight, HB.  I absolutely agree that it takes 2 to have an affair.  I, in no way shape or form, think that my H was an innocent party in this.  He sought out someone - this much I know.  And, I have no idea what he told OW about us; he could have lied to her and told her that he was divorced already - who knows!  It's just an ugly thing altogether.  I really wish that I wasn't in this situation, but I am and I have to deal with it the best I can; thanks to all of you, I am dealing with it much better than I could ever have done!

xoxoxo

[LifeGoesOn]

Hb, I totally agree with you. Dwelling on OW/OM is not healthy.

 However, I had a small (ok, huge) amount of enjoyment seeing an OW get a taste of what I've been through.

I said "neener, neener", and moved on! We all reap what we sow....eventually.

[HeartsBlessing]

Hb, I totally agree with you. Dwelling on OW/OM is not healthy.

 However, I had a small (ok, huge) amount of enjoyment seeing an OW get a taste of what I've been through.

I said "neener, neener", and moved on! We all reap what we sow....eventually.

I had to laugh and hard at that, LGO.  I know God has a sense of humor, or I couldn't have made it through this, myself.  He and I were both laughing at one point at some of the trouble my husband was having....I said that I thought I was wrong for seeing humor in it..but the Lord reminded me that my husband was reaping what he'd sown in corruption, and some of it WAS funny..and I remember laughing some more..then going on.

I also got a kick out of watching him run for the phone when it rang as the affair was ending...I simply looked at the caller ID, and said "Nope, not HER."...got a puzzled look when I laughed and walked off.  LOL!!

They are SO dumb about what they do to try and hide their wrongs. LOL!!

There were times I laughed myself into hysteria when I would think about how stupid he was...but the Lord never got onto me about it; just laughed with me...and we both went on.