Author Topic: My Story My new Normal 2.0  (Read 438 times)

Offline Sam I Am

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My Story Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2018, 11:12:53 AM »
Thank you for sharing your successes and your set backs.  Even at a slugs pace it is great to see you moving forward.  Yeah!
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State  EA again?
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch

Married 33.25 years
Together 35.5 years
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 In Prof School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline 9393rooTopic starter

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2018, 08:53:05 AM »
Thought I would drop in here and share a quick insight I had revealed to me last night by my H.  My H and I share the same Spotify account and we are constantly having Spotify “wars” about who gets to listen to their music when.  My H is very musical and Pre bomb drop my H would play guitar and write a lot of songs.  Many of these songs were about me and us, it was his way of expressing things.  He hasn’t picked up his guitar very much in this MLC.

Lately his Spotify playlist is almost all the band Creed.  It is pretty hard rock and not what I like to listen to.  Every time I get on Spotify and see that he has been listening to them I roll my eyes, thinking oh boy he’s back in his teenaged rock star fantasy mode again. There was one song in particular from Creed that shows up as constantly played and I started to notice that it was always played on his way home from IC. 

Last night he came in the door from work with his headset blasting.  He came over to me and stuck an earbud in my ear and said “I know you asked me not to share with you what I’m doing In therapy, but this song means a lot to me and how I feel”.  This time I really listened to it and then I went and looked up the words.  Kind of blown away.  I think he may be starting to face himself and is dealing with some pretty painful realizations.  Thought I would share a small glimpse of what I believe many MLC’rs may be dealing with?  I found it very enlightening to my situation.


Creed 1000 Faces

I stand surrounded by the walls that once confined me
Knowing I'll be underneath them
When they crumble when they fall
With clarity my scars remind me
Ash still simmers just under my skin
Indifference smile again
So much I hide
How is stepping back a move forward?
Now I'm forced to look behind
I'm forced to look at you
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell which is you
Broken mirrors paint the floor
Why can't you see the truth
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
Tell me which is you
Eerily time made no change
Pointing fingers, laying blame
Lying over and over and over and over
Deceiving your mind
Dug my grace, trash my name
Yet here I stand so you won't fade away
A different smile again
So much I hide
How is stepping back a move forward
Now I'm forced to look behind
I'm forced to look at you
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
Broken mirrors paint the floor
Why can't you see the truth
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
I bleed inside
(Wanna bleed)
Just let it out
(You gotta let it out)
Just let it out
(Gotta let it out)
I bleed inside
(Wanna Bleed Inside)
Just let it out
(You gotta let it out)
Just let it out
Just let it die
Now I'm forced to look behind
I'm forced to look at you
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
Broken mirrors paint the floor
Why can't you see the truth
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
Tell me, tell me, tell me
You wear a thousand faces
Tell me, tell me which is you
Tell me, tell me which is you
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Acorn

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2018, 08:57:56 AM »
Does he think the YOU in ‘you wear a thousand faces’ is himself?
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline 9393rooTopic starter

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2018, 09:02:52 AM »
I thought about this too Acorn.  I THINK he is referring to himself.  This is all about himself, he has mentioned to me in passing before that he doesn’t know who he is sometimes, as he is many different things to many different people.  I don’t think he is referring to me.  I’ve been pretty consistently me.
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Acorn

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2018, 09:06:41 AM »
Identity issue is big in my H’s MLC, hence my question.
If the YOU had been you, I don’t think he would shared that song with you.

It seems we found more commonalities between our situations. 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline 9393rooTopic starter

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2018, 09:13:34 AM »
Acorn I too believe very much an identity crisis and after reading your last post VERY similar situations!

I’m so glad you are posting what you do. You are so much paving the way for me in this journey!
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2018, 11:01:20 AM »
Roo
I think he's talking about himself. His issues.
That's good he is trying to work through them.
Hopefully he keeps it up. Hard to listen to that and not comment one way or the other for you.
Your still doing Good Roo. Keep it up.

Offline 9393rooTopic starter

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2018, 07:19:38 AM »
Today I just feel done after a big backslide last night.

My H went to our company Christmas party without me as I declined to go this year.  As expected, some drunk pictures showed up on our Company’s Facebook page. He is in several selfies with mostly women employees and he looks very drunk.

Someone can hit me with a huge 2x4 or maybe something bigger at this point as I sent a text to him saying he looked pretty drunk on in the holiday pictures.  I knew after I sent it, it was wrong. 

I’m so sick of all of this right now. I went out with a friend last night and listened to Jazz in a grown up setting.  It felt so good.  Then I come home to frat party like photos for our whole company to see.  I’m sure the rumor mill is going today. 

I want my grown up H back.  I want respect, maturity and trust. 

Sorry I had to vent, I really feel so done right now.  I’m trying to hang on and detach but it’s hard when it’s in your face daily.
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #18 on: December 07, 2018, 08:04:54 AM »
Vent away Roo.
No 2x4 coming from me.
You sent a text. So what. You felt it was wrong. Hey, that says alot right there. Your human.
I mean you could have run to the closest bar, had 4 or 5 shots and then posted your own pics with some frat boys. Now that would have been easy, but you didn't.
It's hard to just let all things go. You are doing good. 

Offline Acorn

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Re: My new Normal 2.0
« Reply #19 on: December 07, 2018, 08:18:24 AM »
Gotta run but I just wanted to pop in say ‘no biggie’.
It’s difference if you were spouting stuff that sounded morally superior, with the bible in hand.  That wouldn’t go down well with anyone, let alone MLCer.

Just look at it as a learning experience.  You learned to better control your zip.  You learned your H is far from cooked and that he has a lot of learning and growing up to do.  Sigh... It takes forever!!!! >:(
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

 

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