Author Topic: My Story THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8  (Read 2448 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2018, 05:16:57 PM »
Hi Brenross, Init.

We talked a lot. She does talk normal mostly. We spent a tremendous amount of time talking. She gave me a pep talk at some point. "Reclaim your family, reclaim your role, reclaim your home".  I just listened and filed it away. There was just so much stuff that she threw at me.

Friday she hinted that they would be gone after the Holidays. It surprised me because we had not discussed their removal. So Saturday I texted and let her know what I was doing regarding their belongings. She never responded.

This morning when I saw the items still outside I assumed she was in agreement. I sent her the text about last Christmas this morning. I told her I forgave her for how she has treated me but I was never forgetting it.

She claims no recollection about last Christmas but she thanked me for my forgiveness. She then told me she was removing them from our home. It really has everything to do with her. She finally had to make that decision. So now I will leave it to her to execute.

I never saw it coming either. There had to be a falling out. That's the only way it could happen.

We haven't physically seen each other or talked since early Friday morning. I think we will be quiet for awhile. Then again 27 straight days was a bit much.  ::)

MIL did herself in by getting physical. First by hitting her daughter and then pushing me that day. MIL is a desperate person who has lost all control. She can't handle that her daughter broke free and she blames me.

If anything comes of this, I'm just happy for my W that she broke free from her controlling abusive mother. That's to be applauded. Just that one aspect because she still is an abuser herself. One thing at a time.

Thanks

« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 01:55:58 AM by UrsaMajor »

Offline karmirtsaghik

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2018, 06:46:54 PM »
Hey Watcher,

I am with Thunder. Your wife can very well get used to "real life" responsibilities like cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, paying bills. Her mother provided all these services to her, you paid her bills and she did her nails, hair, had enough time to have a second life on internet, and soulmates.

Your sons need to learn basic life skills as well. Like doing their own laundry, cooking simple meals, mowing the lawn, and fixing minor things in the house.

I taught my D11 how to cook simple meals. Now she comes from school and once a week cooks something for me and her brother, even if it is simple eggs with veggies, or mac and cheese (which I do not like but eat nevertheless if she makes it). I work two jobs and take care of two young kids full time. I made my kids active participants in my strive to reclaim myself professionally.

Take care, Watcher.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2018, 07:26:55 PM »
LOL Karm,

Your asking for a miracle, hahaha. Yes I agree with you and Thunder. She is trying and she wants to try at least.  However, she has so much holding her back. That internet addiction will be there long term. The astrology and psychics dictate her life.

I really mean they dictate her life. She really believes in signs. To me they are normal occurrences. That night we last went to a hotel they had 2 twin beds in the room. She said no way was she allowing the universe to prevent her from being married.

That's how she viewed it. The 2 beds meant she couldn't sleep with me. The universe prevented it. So she marched down to the lobby and got us a queen bed. She showed the universe who was boss. ;D

She takes that stuff very seriously. Everything is a sign. She has a looooooooong ways to go here. LOL...

The inlaws are step one. That has to happen and then I think it will be just her and the boys. She is not ready to be a mom. It's not going to happen right now. Shes not ready to be a wife. She wants me to be ready to be a father.  ::)

I saw no evidence in 27 days of interaction that she is ready to be a mom. She hardly interacts with the boys and it is going to be an adjustment because MIL did everything for her and the boys. The boys are going to have to adjust.

All her problems are still there. She wants me in the boys life and hers. IDK did I prove myself for a month. Did I pass her audition. Now I can be a father in her eyes. I thought I've been a dad throughout her crisis.  ::)

If anything, as long as I can get quality time with the 2 boys then it's a win. I'm going to have to show them how to do things. She is still me, me, me. I can't lose sight of that.

Unfortunately she had the kids for 42 months and counting so its going to take time to figure things out. You have to remember I basically see my sons 1 hour a day Mon thru Fri. This is going to be an adjustment for me and I'm the sane one.

I have no expectations of her. She has her own timetable and that's how it has to be approached. I keep saying she has a very long road to go. Years.

There is no way that she turns it around that quickly. Its impossible. With the stuff I see, it's just no way. The fact that we are communicating is a miracle. Baby steps.

Have a good night

Thanks


Online Whyus

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2018, 10:41:20 PM »

Your wife can very well get used to "real life" responsibilities like cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, paying bills.
YES, first all These normal Things and then IF SHE HAS TIME maybe Internet BS! Not the otherway around. Internet BS and no time for responsibilities. You cannot let that happen Watcher, she wants you to step up so she has to also. She seems to be calling all the shots, still telling you what to do! You have a say in this too even if it is all her. You dont have to accept that anymore, a new start, new rules. Easy. Good luck.

Your sons need to learn basic life skills as well. Like doing their own laundry, cooking simple meals, mowing the lawn, and fixing minor things in the house.
This is a must do, ist maybe too late though. They should be able to do those Things already, especially S18.

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2018, 02:06:32 AM »


THAT is excellent news....

And, if one can read and use a measuring cup, one can learn to cook.... it really is NOT "rocket science" and that is coming from someone who IS one......

Laundry and all that are also doable.... Might be slow going at first but it CAN work out....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2018, 02:46:29 AM »
Hi Whyus, UrsaMajor.

Again you expect her to be a functioning healthy woman already Whyus. It's not happening.

We still live separately and we are not in a relationship. There are no shots to call. People have Free Will. This experience has taught me that no one or no thing can be controlled.

She has to figure life out for herself. Right now she is all about being online. That hasn't changed and it's not going to change for a very long time. If ever.

Look she has grown quiet. I know where her mind is at currently. We will see if she gets out of it and cycles back to me or not.

She is in a constant battle with herself. Fighting her desires for OM and her new life philosophy versus her children and her husband. It's very real. I see it playing out.

Right now she is feeling the pull of OM, meanwhile her children are pulling her in another direction. That is her battle currently as I text. Fantasy vs Reality.

On top of that battle she has to get rid of her parents. There's a lot swirling around for her at the moment. Like I said, I know where her head is at currently and we will have to wait and see if she works her way back to me.

Thanks

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2018, 03:01:43 AM »
Watcher,

This is very much like a Marathon... One step at a time.... and one important step is to get rid of the IL's.... I hope that is really the case, regardless of the time it takes her to make the next step... Breaking out of the abuse cycle is critical for ANY abused person as the first step to healing... As for the rest, that is future stuff...

But if you can influence your boys, show them how to cook, do laundry, be self-sufficient, there is even less of a need for MIL to try to return.... and less place for her to do so if she tries...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #17 on: December 04, 2018, 03:48:58 AM »
I sure agree, as long as they don't end up doing everything for their mom, like her mother did.

They just need to learn to take care of themselves.  It's not like you won't be around to help them with anything major.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #18 on: December 04, 2018, 03:59:41 AM »
Hi UrsaMajor, Thunder

That's how I approach it. The removal of the inlaws is a major event. Again MIL took over our family in stages. It was gradual and it was too late by 2012 when I finally noticed it. She has been in our home since 2013.

For me this has always been issue #1. We cannot get to the crisis with her in the way.  Anything that grants me more time with my son's is a positive. I'm hoping to have more time with them.

I agree if I can show them how to do things that would be great. The roadblock has always been MIL. Always.

They need a positive role model in their lives and who do they have other than me. I agree with you that it's a Marathon.

She is always back and forth. Like I said we had that lewd discussion last Monday and she has been shifting that way ever since. I still enjoyed the 27 days and that is huge. That just doesn't happen in our crisis.

The boys are the key. They are keeping her in reality. She will not win mom of the year but she does want the best for them, albeit I have to do all the work. Again, yes she deprives them of me, but I'm her antagonist in her mind. I'm preventing her new life.

We will see if Christmas cycles her back to family and reality. I give space and time. All that she wants. I'm great at NC. The flip side, though, is she lives with our sons. It's a balancing act. I'm not barred from the home but I also don't want her to see me.

So if I can be a full time father then she can have her crisis without interruption. Yes, the inlaws first or no more Watcher.

We will see what happens.
Thanks

Offline TryinSoul

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2018, 05:34:52 AM »
Watcher

Are you trying to go to all four races?  When will the super medallion be completed?

Ts
All that counts, is what comes next.

 

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